I would skip and send her a faboulous weekend gift pack.

Anonymous wrote:I think a full-weekend party is bullshit. One night is plenty.

Also, if she's having a destination wedding, you can skip the whole thing. It's garbage to expect people to shell out that much money for your wedding.

Totally agree. It's so self-indulgent.

Of course you can. My SIL skipped mine (she was a bridesmaid) and I totally understood. She has a small child and lives several states away, and she didn't know any of my other bridesmaids. It's all good.

Anonymous wrote:Go. It doesn't sound like that much of a hassle and it is the right thing to do.

Ditto. She's going to be family. Don't snub her on such a basic thing.

Kid trump card. If you had two kids you'd want desperately to go but you really wouldn't be able to. Skip it!

Omg, skip it! Send champagne to the hotel room and go to the shower.

I really don't think people can expect guests to attend destination events. To do so is very insensitive to others' budgets and schedules. Don't go, but be gracious and thank her for the invitation and explain you just can't manage it. I like the idea of sending something to her hotel room.

Send a paper doll version of yourself (Flat Bridesmaid!) with little clothes and accessories the other bridesmaids can change as appropriate: Here's Flat Bridesmaid in a bathing suit with an umbrella drink! Here's Flat Bridesmaid all dressed up for dinner out!

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't skip it. She may resent that. Sounds like you are making excuses. You agreed to be a bridesmaid, now step up to the plate.

Out of 4 of my bridesmaids only 1 attended my bachelorette. Other three were: 2 sisters of DH and my brother's wife. We chose them because they are family (which i would reconsider if i were to do it again), but there was no expectation for them to attend. They all live out of town so I kinda knew they won't be able to come. I had a blast with 8 other friends and the 4th bridesmaid, no regrets, no hurt for skipped party. Now, the wedding itself is a whole different story

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skip it. Is she having a bridal shower? If so, plan to attend and possibly co-host the shower.

I have offered to co-host a bridal shower, but MIL is taking over. That's a whole other thread Thanks!

It is your husband's sister and he is skipping the destination bachelor party. Therefore it is totally acceptable for you to skip his sister's destination party. She must be having a ton of bridesmaids to have a destination...

Anonymous wrote:I'd go and my H would go to the bachelor party as well for the sake of family harmony.

Also, I think when you agree to be an attendant you agree to helping plan and host the bachelorette and the shower and to of course be at the wedding in whatever God awful dress is required.

One weekend is really not a lot, particularly if the wedding and shower are both local events and therefore don't have associated travel costs.

I thought in this case that everything is destination?

how old is the bride? I think that makes a difference sometimes. I find that the crazy "you said you would be in MY WEDDING!" stuff is usually something people grow out of. Shoot I was married at 28 and my friends and I were all already past being in those kind of bridezilla weddings!

I'd go and my H would go to the bachelor party as well for the sake of family harmony.

Also, I think when you agree to be an attendant you agree to helping plan and host the bachelorette and the shower and to of course be at the wedding in whatever God awful dress is required.

One weekend is really not a lot, particularly if the wedding and shower are both local events and therefore don't have associated travel costs.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just tell her - hey SIL, I really want to help you celebrate your wedding, but childcare, etc. make getting away for a weekend really difficult. Could we find a time for me to (take you to a spa, go to tea, get dinner, etc) a different weekend?

I think this is really great and also the idea of having the hotel bar send them up a bottle of bubbles with a note. Shows you care but also that its hard to always do every single thing we want to do in life for others. Also maybe just be as available as you can the week of the wedding- usually there are last minute errands to a drug store or something the day before

I think a full-weekend party is bullshit. One night is plenty.

Also, if she's having a destination wedding, you can skip the whole thing. It's garbage to expect people to shell out that much money for your wedding.

I could have written this myself (I actually checked the date it was posted to make sure it wasn't an old one of mine...)

Only difference was that at the time I was newly pregnant and hadn't told her yet. So I would be going to a bunch of wineries with chicks 10 years younger than me while I wasn't drinking.

I ended up not going, citing the travel time. If you really don't want to go, don't, but it could end up being fun, and would make the wedding more fun if you got to know the other girls better.