Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Correct your MIL in front of your child and step in to do whatever parenting action you feel is right. And never leave her alone with Grandma until she is old enough to know that Grandma is full of shit.

PS I love that your MIL gives her children no acknowledgement for being top students. It is all about her. I know a woman who takes full credit for her son's impressive accomplishments in his work by having a message on her phone that identifies her as, "This is John Smith's mother".

This is what I would do. Take away her power and make sure your husband is on board as well.

Correcting your MIL in front of young child will only teach the child to disrespect and disobey older people. Wait until your child is a teen, it will pay back to you.

Dont "take away power", use that power for your benefit and for the benefit of your child.

Anonymous wrote:Correct your MIL in front of your child and step in to do whatever parenting action you feel is right. And never leave her alone with Grandma until she is old enough to know that Grandma is full of shit.

PS I love that your MIL gives her children no acknowledgement for being top students. It is all about her. I know a woman who takes full credit for her son's impressive accomplishments in his work by having a message on her phone that identifies her as, "This is John Smith's mother".

This is what I would do. Take away her power and make sure your husband is on board as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law is insufferable. She is the least empathetic person I have ever known and very tough. (example: if you fall down it's your own fault - no hugs, kissing or holding - you just get blamed for not being careful). All three of her children graduated from Ivy League universities so she thinks that everything she did raising them was right. There is no talking to her about this subject. DH has told her many times that her way of raising children is not how we plan to raise ours.

I can handle her - I knew what I was getting into when I married DH.

My question is: how do I tell DS that his Grandma is full of shit and and his Dad and I don't agree with her? He's only 2 now but Grandma's comments are going to start to sink in at some point and I'm not sure how to mitigate any damage without bad-mouthing her to DS.

TIA

Ugh. As a teacher I can tell you that your kids are going to be the ones who cry for attention constantly because they ever so slightly hurt themselves. Instead of reflecting and learning to be careful they just sit there and cry and cry waiting for hugs, kisses, and holding. Please consider some of the things your MIL has to say, she has been there, done that.

Ugh. You're that teacher who always comments that all parents are coddling their children, right? You say the same thing over and over on every topic. Do you even have kids?

I think a lot of IL problems can be avoid if people stop walking on egg shells around each other. Your MIL said "a monkey could do this puzzle" and you probably were flabbergasted, didn't know how to respond without offending her and it blowing up, so you let the moment pass. What if it had been your sister or your mother? You probably would have said "what's your problem? why are you being so rude?" and then MIL would have said - oh, I'm just being honest, you're too soft on the boy. You could have replied - I disagree. You're berating the child for no good reason. Please don't. And that would have been the end of it, or your MIL would have gone off the deep end, at which point you would have gathered up your things & your child and left.

Maybe that doesn't sound like a great alternative to how you did handle it, but it's better than backbiting about your son's grandmother with him. Demonstrate healthy boundaries and standing up for yourself. Don't demonstrate how to talk trash about people behind their back.

This is one reason I go to work when they visit... or I drop them off for a weekend and my H and I go somewhere together.

Your child will be fine and you need to remove yourself from micromanaging ever little interaction.

I had a tough-as-nails grandma and a soft cuddly grandma. I figured out who was who all on my own. I adored my soft cuddly grandma and I respected my tough-as-nails grandma. They both added wonderful things to my life.

Just another perspective.

I also remember complaining to my mom about my tough grandma doing or saying something that was "rude" and wondering why she got away with it. My mother always used to answer "when you are 80 years old, you can do anything you want as well". That usually shut me up.