Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - I have certainly received my comeuppance here today, which is fine. The dinner was more of a "wouldn't it just be more convenient for the foreign cousins (with 4 kids) - and our kids - if it was at a house instead of a restaurant" and me saying "I guess I can make it work so long as I don't have to cook for 15 people on the day after XMAS" as opposed to a big invitation. But no matter. Honest question, though, isn't it unusual for my in laws to invite other family members to our Christmas celebration anyway? I mean I would never visit them and inform them I was bringing extra people. I feel like it's akin to her inviting us to have Thankgiving with them, and me announcing that I would also be bringing my parents, my sister, and six friends, and then expecting her to either cook or coordinate dinner for 8 nights for people she barely knows. Or am I wrong about this too? Does accepting monetary help during my husband's unemployment (during which no one wanted my DH to have to go out of his way to actually care for the kids - hence the help with childcare) mean I am now the personal caterer for their extended family gatherings?

What does this mean? Your DH isn't capable of taking care of his own kids?

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - I have certainly received my comeuppance here today, which is fine. The dinner was more of a "wouldn't it just be more convenient for the foreign cousins (with 4 kids) - and our kids - if it was at a house instead of a restaurant" and me saying "I guess I can make it work so long as I don't have to cook for 15 people on the day after XMAS" as opposed to a big invitation. But no matter. Honest question, though, isn't it unusual for my in laws to invite other family members to our Christmas celebration anyway? I mean I would never visit them and inform them I was bringing extra people. I feel like it's akin to her inviting us to have Thankgiving with them, and me announcing that I would also be bringing my parents, my sister, and six friends, and then expecting her to either cook or coordinate dinner for 8 nights for people she barely knows. Or am I wrong about this too? Does accepting monetary help during my husband's unemployment (during which no one wanted my DH to have to go out of his way to actually care for the kids - hence the help with childcare) mean I am now the personal caterer for their extended family gatherings?

Grandparents will be invited to come every other year (to allow each set to participate).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read again and noticed the people they brought with them included their own sibling and your husband's brother and his wife. So your offer to stay in your guest room would have deprived them of their other child's company over the holiday, and that of their sister.

They spent over $10K in hotels and more in airfare!!! Do you know how much money you would have saved them if you had just visited them at their house? Crikey!!!

Right?

Basically, she said - if you want to see your son you need to fly to come see me. Never mind that you planned to have the entire family to your house (including "foreign" cousins) but you all must come to meeeeeeeee! I can't fly with children!!!!! Noooooo! To hard!!!!! I'm so very, very special.

Then when the entire family does come fly to this crazy loony lady, she refuses to go out to dinner because it's to "stressful" for her and the kids.

And to top the whole thing off....she is mad that no one chipped in on the drama she created.

Oh, this is my favorite of the selfish crazies of DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:No no no. Aside from my bil, she does not normally celebrate christmas with the people she invited. The extras live about four hours drive from us -- and about four days driving from her. No one was invited to her house for christmas this year; I extended the invite to them last summer. The foreign cousins are essentially distant relatives (maybe second cousins twice removed), who happened to be going to disney world over Christmas, and whom the in laws invited to celebrate with us. My opinion stands. Dh and I planned christmas for our little family in our new home, and will continue to celebrate here while our kids are small. Grandparents will be invited to come every other year (to allow each set to participate). They should not be inviting other people, particularly relatives I have never met, to come along. It's my house. If they want to have christmas with others, they should simply decline the invitation for Christmas and see us another time. They have five kids, and none of the others who have children travel for christmas either. I maintain, in laws are welcome every other year, but can't invite random relatives to join AT MY HOUSE for several days.

Anonymous wrote:No no no. Aside from my bil, she does not normally celebrate christmas with the people she invited. The extras live about four hours drive from us -- and about four days driving from her. No one was invited to her house for christmas this year; I extended the invite to them last summer. The foreign cousins are essentially distant relatives (maybe second cousins twice removed), who happened to be going to disney world over Christmas, and whom the in laws invited to celebrate with us. My opinion stands. Dh and I planned christmas for our little family in our new home, and will continue to celebrate here while our kids are small. Grandparents will be invited to come every other year (to allow each set to participate). They should not be inviting other people, particularly relatives I have never met, to come along. It's my house. If they want to have christmas with others, they should simply decline the invitation for Christmas and see us another time. They have five kids, and none of the others who have children travel for christmas either. I maintain, in laws are welcome every other year, but can't invite random relatives to join AT MY HOUSE for several days.

Anonymous wrote:No no no. Aside from my bil, she does not normally celebrate christmas with the people she invited. The extras live about four hours drive from us -- and about four days driving from her. No one was invited to her house for christmas this year; I extended the invite to them last summer. The foreign cousins are essentially distant relatives (maybe second cousins twice removed), who happened to be going to disney world over Christmas, and whom the in laws invited to celebrate with us. My opinion stands. Dh and I planned christmas for our little family in our new home, and will continue to celebrate here while our kids are small. Grandparents will be invited to come every other year (to allow each set to participate). They should not be inviting other people, particularly relatives I have never met, to come along. It's my house. If they want to have christmas with others, they should simply decline the invitation for Christmas and see us another time. They have five kids, and none of the others who have children travel for christmas either. I maintain, in laws are welcome every other year, but can't invite random relatives to join AT MY HOUSE for several days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except you aren't the personal caterer. They offered to take everyone out for dinner but you declined. Did it ever occur to you that they had planned to see all these people for Christmas but since you guys refused to travel they changed plans? Your in laws sound like great people. It's a shame they have a son and daughter in law like you two. You're unbelievable.

I agree with this, OP. You are asking if it's rude of them to bring their family to your part of the country to celebrate Christmas? Please try, try really hard, to understand this from their perspective. they are doing everything possible to accommodate you. It was their year!!! You were supposed to go to their house (or part of the country or whatever). They were supposed to host. YOU said "we don't feel like traveling with kids" Forget the fact that the "foreign cousins (whatever that means) HAD to travel with their kids to accommodate you.

So, MIL (who sounds extremely generous) had to call everyone that was coming to her house for Christmas and say "Okay everyone. DCUM DIL doesn't feel like traveling, so everyone pack your bags and we're going there. I'll pay, don't worry." And the fact that she offered for everyone to go to a restaurant is amazingly generous (again), and then you say "wouldn't it be better, you know, AGAIN for ME and MY kids, to be in a house instead of a restaurant???" so Again, MIL accommodates you and thinks, okay, everyone. DCUM DIL wants the dinner at her house.

Again, did it ever occur to you that maybe when she suggested a restaurant, she thought of the restaurant that's in or next to the hotel so the whole entire family didn't have to trek to your house? that it would be easier for most of the family to be able to leave whenever they wanted to and go up to their hotel rooms instead of being stranded at your house until everyone was ready to leave?

I agree with everyone else in saying that you really are being selfish on this one. And you are not held prisoner to her because they helped you monetarily. But it does put things in perspective that they have and continue to be generous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except you aren't the personal caterer. They offered to take everyone out for dinner but you declined. Did it ever occur to you that they had planned to see all these people for Christmas but since you guys refused to travel they changed plans? Your in laws sound like great people. It's a shame they have a son and daughter in law like you two. You're unbelievable.

I agree with this, OP. You are asking if it's rude of them to bring their family to your part of the country to celebrate Christmas? Please try, try really hard, to understand this from their perspective. they are doing everything possible to accommodate you. It was their year!!! You were supposed to go to their house (or part of the country or whatever). They were supposed to host. YOU said "we don't feel like traveling with kids" Forget the fact that the "foreign cousins (whatever that means) HAD to travel with their kids to accommodate you.

So, MIL (who sounds extremely generous) had to call everyone that was coming to her house for Christmas and say "Okay everyone. DCUM DIL doesn't feel like traveling, so everyone pack your bags and we're going there. I'll pay, don't worry." And the fact that she offered for everyone to go to a restaurant is amazingly generous (again), and then you say "wouldn't it be better, you know, AGAIN for ME and MY kids, to be in a house instead of a restaurant???" so Again, MIL accommodates you and thinks, okay, everyone. DCUM DIL wants the dinner at her house.

Again, did it ever occur to you that maybe when she suggested a restaurant, she thought of the restaurant that's in or next to the hotel so the whole entire family didn't have to trek to your house? that it would be easier for most of the family to be able to leave whenever they wanted to and go up to their hotel rooms instead of being stranded at your house until everyone was ready to leave?

I agree with everyone else in saying that you really are being selfish on this one. And you are not held prisoner to her because they helped you monetarily. But it does put things in perspective that they have and continue to be generous.

Anonymous wrote:Except you aren't the personal caterer. They offered to take everyone out for dinner but you declined. Did it ever occur to you that they had planned to see all these people for Christmas but since you guys refused to travel they changed plans? Your in laws sound like great people. It's a shame they have a son and daughter in law like you two. You're unbelievable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read again and noticed the people they brought with them included their own sibling and your husband's brother and his wife. So your offer to stay in your guest room would have deprived them of their other child's company over the holiday, and that of their sister.

They spent over $10K in hotels and more in airfare!!! Do you know how much money you would have saved them if you had just visited them at their house? Crikey!!!

Right?

Basically, she said - if you want to see your son you need to fly to come see me. Never mind that you planned to have the entire family to your house (including "foreign" cousins) but you all must come to meeeeeeeee! I can't fly with children!!!!! Noooooo! To hard!!!!! I'm so very, very special.

Then when the entire family does come fly to this crazy loony lady, she refuses to go out to dinner because it's to "stressful" for her and the kids.

And to top the whole thing off....she is mad that no one chipped in on the drama she created.

Oh, this is my favorite of the selfish crazies of DCUM.