Anonymous wrote:
I have been lied to so much by all of my ex's.

Anonymous wrote:
We were 22 years old when we married. I didn't realize that he would get tired of "playing house," and just stop playing. He apparently didn't realize that having children meant he'd have to share his time, his money, and my attention.

Anonymous wrote:"And yet you married him in the first place. Why did you do that? "

You wouldn't lend her your crystal ball. Unintended consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

In my case, dh had decided (in his own mind) that he didn't want to be a husband and father anymore. He started acting more and more like a bachelor-- less parenting, less housework, spending more and more money (secretly) on himself. He had never been a very good husband or dad in the first place, and I knew from experience that he reacted poorly to "being told what to do."

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks (without sarcasm) for telling it like you see it. It is helpful to hear, even if it hurts. I know I am not blameless. I just thought the lying/ omissions could never be justified. But I see everyone does not share that view.

Anonymous wrote:My DH lies a lot. He doesn't want to disappointment me. He doesn't want me to get angry. He's going to 'get to it done, for sure' so he'll be safe in telling me it's done. Of course, he doesn't get to it. It's not like I'm a shrew but he's so conflict-averse and his family dynamics growing up encouraged lying. He's also got ADHD/anxiety/depression and, I understand from extensive counseling, that some of this behavior is a legacy from those disorders. His lying has extended to such things as filing taxes and making quarterly payments for self-employment. He assured me all year that he'd been making payments. He hadn't. He assured me all year that he'd been inputting his expenses into an expense/tax program he purchased. He hadn't. It wasn't until April 15 when I couldn't postpone filing our taxes any longer that he confessed. He lied about taking evening classes. He registered/paid for the courses and then stopped attending class although he'd leave in the evenings and tell me he was going. He lies about money he's spent. We've got 2 SN kids, swimming in bills and living paycheck to paycheck. He's spending $5K/yr at 7-11/McDonalds. I can't get him to stop. He also lied for a long time about resuming tobacco use. Lied when my face was 3 inches from his and he was reeking of it.

These lies have created huge problems in our marriage and in our financial stability. We've had lots of counseling. Why do we stay married? I compartmentalize a lot (I developed excellent compartmentalization skills during my horrific childhood) and my life is complicated enough right now without adding divorce/custody to it. We owe more on our house than it's worth. We have kids with SN and DH is great with them, their appointments and home therapy. He's also good around the house. There are a lot of positive things about him but his lies have destroyed the trust I had in our him and our relationship. When my life is less complex in a few years, I have no doubt I'll initiate divorce proceedings.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are the problem. Literally. The. Problem.

Listen, no one wants to deal with someone who is difficult. And if you are smart, most people will go out of their way to avoid triggering a response that will be more of a headache than just doing whatever. You created this environment by being a nagging, ungrateful, unloving spouse. Your entire post screams a lack of gratitude.

You can end it (or at least attempt to end it and save your marriage), by working on yourself. If you can't do that, welcome to single motherhood. It ain't what it's cracked up to be despite your fantasies notwithstanding.

-Single Mom.