Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 10:25     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:Why would your son even say anything to you? DIL is the one who needs to buck up and just be gracious. But your son was nuts to tell you about it. I mean, if you'd actually insulted her, he should step in and let you know her feelings were hurt. But this was a gift, not an insult.

I'm not going to sugar coat it: yes, my dh and I make comments to each other about the inlaws all the time. But rarely has it ever been necessary to actually intervene. We're adults, so we have to capability to laugh at the situation or at least vent to each other, and then get over it (and bite our tongues) because why create needless friction?

I think it's a nice gift OP. I would have appreciated it.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 10:21     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.


you are so not a dog person.


I'm so a dog person and the mil bought a gift for her son and the dog. A great mil would have bought a card for son, dil AND the dog!


I am a dog person (at least one dog continuously since 1994) and also think this was a weird gift.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 09:49     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Can we stop saying the DIL is ingracious? She said something about the gift, in confidence, to her husband, not to OP. OPs son is a new husband on a learning curve, and he will (hopefully) learn when he needs to intervene, and when to keep his mouth shut.

OP, there is no need to buy another gift. Your heart was in the right place, but a gift should be a gift for the person you're giving it to. While you might appreciate baby clothes for your birthday, it is not good practice to give gifts for the receiver to use on someone else. Do not hold this experience against your new DIL. You both have many years ahead of you together, and it will be much easier if you try to assume the best intentions in each other.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 09:10     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Reading this, I'm wondering what son and dil have sent for your new baby? He they forgotten to recognize the new addition? To your sons family and her extended family.

If they ignored your new child, then that speaks volumes to their own BS.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:58     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
DS needs to learn that he doesn't have to communicate every hurt feeling his wife has to the hurt party. I suspect the DIL expressed concern and fear and declared that DS "MUST TALK TO HIS MOM LIKE RITE NAU", and DS, thinking he was doing the right thing, communicated the concern.

Now if DIL went off for 20+ minutes and/or threatened to leave DS over this (or some other ridiculous consequence) that is another matter entirely.

OP, you may want to gently find out just what *was* the DIL's reaction, whether it was "nervous 22 year old reading too much into things" or "journeywoman harpy looking for her master harpy's license" and (re)act accordingly.

I will say it doesn't get better with age -- if it is the latter, I am sorry for you and your son.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 08:11     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.


you are so not a dog person.


I'm so a dog person and the mil bought a gift for her son and the dog. A great mil would have bought a card for son, dil AND the dog!

LOL yes but the dog would be pissed if the dil got more money on the card vs what the dog got. This happen with my dog this year. The dog was so mad it just sniffed the giftcard and walked away. You know b/c dogs really know who gave them the giftcard.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:43     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Don't talk to your DIL. Talk to your son about boundaries and not stirring the pot.

You tried, OP despite the fact you have a newborn. Your sleep deprivation is making it hurt more. Just keep trying to be nice to her. She may be like my DH'S first wife...where she was only happy if she had something to bitch about. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 07:37     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:No apology necessary. DIL needs to learn how to accept a gift graciously.


She did accept it graciously. The son told mom DIL was hurt DIL said nothing


Why not get two visa gift cards if that was your idea of a gift? Getting one for your son for himself and one for your DIL for the pet (which they own mutually) does seem a little off, even if your intentions were good.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 06:41     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.


you are so not a dog person.


I'm so a dog person and the mil bought a gift for her son and the dog. A great mil would have bought a card for son, dil AND the dog!
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 06:34     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.



ITA. That was pretty shitty. Why not ask DS what stores did she like to shop at, or better yet a VISA gift card she can use anywhere.


OP did ask what store, and then made the effort to travel to get a card for that particular store.

After reading so many posts on here about people complaining about gifts, it makes me a little sad. A gift should never be expected. A gift is about the thought. And even if you hate it, you smile graciously, and thank the person profusely for making the effort to think of you. Especially when it is your brand new MIL.

Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 05:38     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:OP, I would imagine that your DIL is as anxious about forming a relationship with you as you are with her. She probably read more into the gift than you ever intended, that you care more about the dog than her, and mentioned it to her her DH/your DS because she was looking for reassurance, and your DS, who is probably also anxious about the relationship, overreacted by sharing with you. Of course, it's also possible that she's a witch but from where I sit the downsides of treating her like a witch if she's not are much bigger than the downsides of the opposite.

Given that, I'd take the high road and call her and apologize, saying something like "trying to buy you a gift was really hard, and made me realize how much I want to get to know you. I didn't even think of how it could be interpreted until DS called me. Will you forgive me? Tell me some of the things you like, so I'll be prepared when your birthday rolls around!"


I think this is great advice.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 03:22     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
DIL must not like her dog very much. Most pet lovers would be happy with a gift card to a pet store. Accept that your DIL is weird and move on
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 03:13     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
No apology necessary. DIL needs to learn how to accept a gift graciously.
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 02:46     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
OP, I would imagine that your DIL is as anxious about forming a relationship with you as you are with her. She probably read more into the gift than you ever intended, that you care more about the dog than her, and mentioned it to her her DH/your DS because she was looking for reassurance, and your DS, who is probably also anxious about the relationship, overreacted by sharing with you. Of course, it's also possible that she's a witch but from where I sit the downsides of treating her like a witch if she's not are much bigger than the downsides of the opposite.

Given that, I'd take the high road and call her and apologize, saying something like "trying to buy you a gift was really hard, and made me realize how much I want to get to know you. I didn't even think of how it could be interpreted until DS called me. Will you forgive me? Tell me some of the things you like, so I'll be prepared when your birthday rolls around!"
Anonymous
Post 12/26/2014 01:41     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
It is clear to me that you like the pet more than your DIL and subconsciously gifted accordingly.

J/k! Your DIL's being ridiculous. Next year get them a restaurant gift card and call it a day.