Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 12:12     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
PP, you missed the point. My main gist was that proceed with caution. If your husband isn't 100 percent on board and you are not 100 percent on board with your choice to SAHM, choosing to be a SAHM can be problematic and lead to serious issues if your marriage implodes. Like I had explained upthread.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 12:05     Subject: Re:Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.


Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.


So, be a WOHM only because of the threat of your DH divorcing you in your 50s?



Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 12:00     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, just want to say your post isn't offensive to anyone except those who are trying really REALLY hard to find a reason to be offended.


Agreed. And the women who are nasty to the women who decide to be SAHMs, wow, I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices. Honestly I think the women who scold other women for being SAHM riding the man gravy train are the same women posting in the Relationship forum about their crap husbands. Sorry your man isn't quality and you have to worry about him running out on you, that doesn't mean all women are in the same position.


wtf?

Who's being hard on her decision to SAH? no one

We're simply saying that IF she had any fucking common sense, she'd REALIZE many people - young & old, male & female - can't stand their jobs. What does being a former SAH have to do with anything?

It simply doesn't.

And no, I have no fear that my husband will run out on me, but nor do I feel the need to have an "allowance" each week. Furthermore, there are plenty of wives who out earn their husbands and many couples who earn the same salary. My husband and I are very close in what we earn. It's not always about being taken care of. But your last sentence does indeed place women in subordinate roles now, doesn't it? And aren't there plenty of "quality" men who don't out earn their wives?

What a thread filled with stereotypes! But that's typical of people who are ignorant.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:42     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
I'm the PP. Listen, I've seen it and it isn't pretty. Women need to realize that there are choices and trade offs and risks. I have friends who are SAHMs with husbands who support them and their marriages are awesome. I've also been the exact opposite.

If your marriage is not rock solid and your husband isn't enthusiastic about your decision to SAHM and you aren't 100 percent committed to it (and happy), you are playing with fire. Because I've seen this play. Wife gets bored, frustrated, lonely being with the kids all day, especially as they get older and don't need her. And is unhappy her career is derailed and she has to go down several pegs to get back into the workforce. Husband gets angry, frustrated and stressed being the bread winner. Someone steps out either physically or emotionally. Or the resentment builds until everything explodes.

Usually right around the time those babies are in middle school.

It is so, so ugly. I feel like it's almost a public service to be like ladies -- check yourself and your marriage before doing this.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:39     Subject: Re:Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.


Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.


Everyone who is really worried that sahms might get a divorce and be poor, like really worried, why don't you start up a charity?


For women who gave up careers to ride their husbands' coattails and set poor examples for their kids? Great idea!
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:38     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, just want to say your post isn't offensive to anyone except those who are trying really REALLY hard to find a reason to be offended.


Agreed. And the women who are nasty to the women who decide to be SAHMs, wow, I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices. Honestly I think the women who scold other women for being SAHM riding the man gravy train are the same women posting in the Relationship forum about their crap husbands. Sorry your man isn't quality and you have to worry about him running out on you, that doesn't mean all women are in the same position.


Wow. This statement is so, so misguided and naive. I truly feel sorry for you.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:36     Subject: Re:Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.


Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.


Everyone who is really worried that sahms might get a divorce and be poor, like really worried, why don't you start up a charity?
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:31     Subject: Re:Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.


Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2014 10:13     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know of a few mothers of young children who work outside of the home not because the family needs the income, but because they feel that by leaving the house and thus going to "work," they are actually getting a break. A break from the chaos of a house full of young kids.

Ironic, but true.


ridiculous. why don't they just volunteer? I call BS. 99% work b/c they need the money (though humble brag PP was amusing thinking that policy decisions really 'change lives', how cute, maybe she went from intern and married a staffer and this is her first 'real' job).

your mommy workers have another story than needing a break.

for the record, this thread reminds me of a friend with personality disorder and his attitude to work. if this is causing OP serious grief, perhaps a therapist would help gain perspective.


No I disagree with the above. I work part time because I found staying at home to be boring and lonely. I tried mom groups and could never really connect with anyone so I pretty much spent the day staring at my baby, cleaning, watching TV all day and begging DH to come have lunch with me lol.

As for OP you need to find a job you enjoy. Whether it's being a stay at home mom or working for a company, if you don't like it you won't be happy. Perhaps you do need a shorter commute, having great co-workers and a great boss also helps a lot.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2014 20:21     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:OP, just want to say your post isn't offensive to anyone except those who are trying really REALLY hard to find a reason to be offended.


Agreed. And the women who are nasty to the women who decide to be SAHMs, wow, I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices. Honestly I think the women who scold other women for being SAHM riding the man gravy train are the same women posting in the Relationship forum about their crap husbands. Sorry your man isn't quality and you have to worry about him running out on you, that doesn't mean all women are in the same position.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2014 19:34     Subject: Re:Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
I tough it out. I think about how DH isn't happy either with aspects of his career and he has to go to work every day. In one way it has made us closer, we can both complain and lean on each other at the end of the day. I did underestimate the transition. Home life is much more chaotic and disorganized. But it is like that for a lot of people. I try to focus on how my working is helping my family, sets a good example for the kids, and gives me independence.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2014 18:17     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wohm mom. Guess what? We work for economic reasons too.


I'm a WOHM and I work because I enjoy my job, and the thought of being a SAHM makes me want to gouge my eyes out.


I enjoy my job and I am a WOHM. I don't think I'd gouge out my eyes, but I wasn't very happy staying at home. I found it lonely and I couldn't manage my time. I also felt lousy asking my husband for money. I feel that I am a contributing member of the household this way. Very important to my mental health.[/quote

I always found it humiliating to use my husband's money on myself. for the kids, sure
but for a $70 cut? no

I stayed home for 2 1/2 years b/c of family issues. wasn't my cup of tea
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 14:26     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wohm mom. Guess what? We work for economic reasons too.


I'm a WOHM and I work because I enjoy my job, and the thought of being a SAHM makes me want to gouge my eyes out.


I enjoy my job and I am a WOHM. I don't think I'd gouge out my eyes, but I wasn't very happy staying at home. I found it lonely and I couldn't manage my time. I also felt lousy asking my husband for money. I feel that I am a contributing member of the household this way. Very important to my mental health.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 14:12     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know of a few mothers of young children who work outside of the home not because the family needs the income, but because they feel that by leaving the house and thus going to "work," they are actually getting a break. A break from the chaos of a house full of young kids.

Ironic, but true.


ridiculous. why don't they just volunteer? I call BS. 99% work b/c they need the money (though humble brag PP was amusing thinking that policy decisions really 'change lives', how cute, maybe she went from intern and married a staffer and this is her first 'real' job).

your mommy workers have another story than needing a break.

for the record, this thread reminds me of a friend with personality disorder and his attitude to work. if this is causing OP serious grief, perhaps a therapist would help gain perspective.


Many women find a full-time job more fulfilling and purposeful than driving around with an imperious look in a leased ML350.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 10:10     Subject: Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?
It's all about the word " need" and what it means to you . I went back to work part time with a 2 and 4 year old (posted previously on this thread) and I wish I hadnt , or held out for another couple years .
Did we need the money for mortgage and the basics? No
Did I need the money for extras like activities for older child , easing up on our food budget , bumping up savings ,visiting family ($$) ? Yes
Now our budget has been upgraded and we' re used to it , but yes I am one of those who went back to work from SAHM and I hate it