Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 12:39     Subject: Re:how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents keep talking about how our house is too small for us when our next kid (I'm pregnant with #2) is born. I just keep telling them that every house on the street is full of families with two kids, so it definitely isn't impossible. I would just keep pointing out how many families live in similar houses nearby and how happy everyone is with the arrangement. Clearly it is working for more people than just you.


So you think OP should justify by saying "this is what everyone does"?


I'm in the same situation as PP (and getting the same comments) but we are planning to purchase a much larger house next year due to a (completely legal, calm down) source of income my parents do not know anything about. DH and I are already gearing up for all the "how did you afford this" and "how much did this COST" and "How come you didn't do it sooner" comments from my parents. Frankly it's none of their business.
Our standard answer right now (to a lot of things): This is what works for US and OUR family at THIS POINT in time. Change subject.
I think PP is trying to point out that it's not totally out of the realm of normal, and everyone (MIL) should just calm down.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 10:40     Subject: how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
Unless MIL is worried that somehow she'll wind up being asked to subsidize this large house for you, I don't think you should worry about her comments. It's your house, your the ones paying for it and you are the ones who need to be happy with it.

I really, really doubt that she means to offend. It's just her impression.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 10:25     Subject: how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
Anonymous wrote:"it suits our needs. We love having an extra room for when you come to visit, and the basement is great for the kids"

Is she generally insecure? This is something my MIL would do. She's insecure and gets uncomfortable when we do something that they feel is trying to show them up. They always comment on how much DH makes - it REALLY isn't that much, though we're comfortable enough. It's just more than they make and they live in a much higher cost of living area, so we can afford more house here. They're not used to corporate jobs so they think office Christmas parties, or a 24 hour business trip is fancy and important. We change the subject and it does get awkward, but it's her own insecurities, not ours. We never talk about his salary and we haven't taken any family vacations or done any renovations that might prompt money questions.


+1 My MIL was really insecure about her economic position vs. her son. It didn't come out in comments to us but after a visit she'd vent to BIL about whatever it was. And we aren't living the high life -- modest 1940s cape code, basic cars -- but the house is nicely decorated and we could pay cash for the cars. Learned my lesson about answering questions about what we spent on things -- apparently my BIL heard for weeks about the fact that we spent $15k on a car.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 10:15     Subject: how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP who said this is very possibly an insecurity thing. Often disapproval/skepticism is actually jealousy or insecurity or discomfort, just wearing a different cloak. DH and I do NOT have a massive house, nor a massive income, but our lives are much more cosmopolitan (and we are more educated, eat different places, have different hobbies, etc. etc.) than any of DH's family, and his mother is OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable when they come to visit and tries to compensate but making ridiculous statements. This may purely be how your MIL compensates for her own issues.

We're all jealous sometimes - it's hard to quash. It's sad to me for a woman of my MIL's age to be so unable to cope with her own issues. It is awkward to see her emotional limitations on display like this. She is the most non-self-aware person I have ever met.


This . If you think this is the root of it. I'm the PP with a MIL who asked if our 3k square foot brick colonial was a pre fab mobile home .
It her discomfort, a little jealousy, a little naivety all rolled into ridiculous statements .
Perfect the art of the smile and nod, then change the subject
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 10:07     Subject: Re:how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
I just say, "Well, I make enough money to afford it easily so I wanted to go for it and your son followed my lead."
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2014 08:30     Subject: how would you respond if your MIL KEPT repeating how large your house was?
Agree with PP who said this is very possibly an insecurity thing. Often disapproval/skepticism is actually jealousy or insecurity or discomfort, just wearing a different cloak. DH and I do NOT have a massive house, nor a massive income, but our lives are much more cosmopolitan (and we are more educated, eat different places, have different hobbies, etc. etc.) than any of DH's family, and his mother is OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable when they come to visit and tries to compensate but making ridiculous statements. This may purely be how your MIL compensates for her own issues.

We're all jealous sometimes - it's hard to quash. It's sad to me for a woman of my MIL's age to be so unable to cope with her own issues. It is awkward to see her emotional limitations on display like this. She is the most non-self-aware person I have ever met.