I will tell my 35 yr self that you are still young at that age though it must be hard to believe.

I would give anything to have my sweet little family back. I would make sure that I hugged my kids every day and told them that I loved them. I probably did, but I'm not sure now. I would have put my job LAST- I would LEAN OUT ( yep, Sheryl Sandberg, you are dead wrong...) I would make sure that our finances were better by never going into debt except for our house. I would do more with my parents and included them in things more. I would have stopped thinking about the future and would have been more mindful about the present.


My kids are adults now- living their own lives. My Mom died and my father is dying. It all happened so fast it seems. It really is so few years that that you have in this wonderful chaotic circus..and then...it stops.

Anonymous wrote:This is a good, thought-provoking thread.

+1 Signed, attentive 33 year old.

Marry for love, not for convenience nor for the sake of marriage.

take care of your body

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the 35 year old me to enjoy this time. It may not look like it now but this as good as its going to get for a long time (20 years of downhill, so far). That includes finances, health, fun times and relationships.

Why is that? I understand health going downhill, but why the other things (relationships, fun times)?

Our careers stalled about that time and our household income never got back to that level. The grind of taking care of aging/dying parents, challenging kids and finances in the toilet add stress to just about everything. There are moments that are wonderful but the overall landscape generally sucks.

Sounds like my life.

Keep working out (at least a little) even if you are insanely busy because your old age will be so much more pleasant if you are in halfway decent physical condition. (I followed this and I feel great in my 50s!)

Best thing I ever did was to quit drinking in my 20s! I felt foolish about it for a long time but as the years went by and I saw what alcoholism did to my family of origin, well, I'm so glad I quit.

Stop worrying about whether having a child is ruining your career and enjoy your infant/toddler. (having a child converging with some other things actually did ruin my career but I wish I had enjoyed my child's infancy rather than worry so much - because worrying did not prevent my career from being ruined.)

And along with others, pay off debt by living beneath your means, and save and invest. You don't need a lot of crap to prove you're a worthy person.

Oh, and it definitely gets better, OP! I will say that the high school years can be very scary because you don't have control over your kid's whereabouts and they can get into deep trouble. My kid really struggled in adolescence but she survived and transcended it and is doing well.

It's so nice now to have time, a good relationship with dh, money, and a kid who is thriving. I've fallen short of my career goals but I feel like I won the lottery in my family life.

Savor the moments with your little ones- it goes by way too quickly and you'll hit 50 before you know it.
Take care of yourself and get enough sleep.
Don't stress about the little stuff, it only makes you age faster.
Teach your kids to pick up after themselves so it becomes a habit

Better and worse. High school kids are a joy and a horror.

As for my 35 year old self, I would say....

Take care of your back.

Start running.

Don't waste so much time on your hair.

PP, thank you. I'm OP, just lost my brother (among other stresses) and needed this reminder.

OP, I would say to my 35 year old self: this is the worst year of your life, out of the first 50. It's really tough dealing with a one year old and the death of a parent. By next year, you'll have another baby who will bring you unimaginable joy, and your grief will not be back breaking.

But one thing, 35 year old self: keep talking to your H. Insist he take care of you emotionally. If you don't, there will be hell to pay in just a few years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the 35 year old me to enjoy this time. It may not look like it now but this as good as its going to get for a long time (20 years of downhill, so far). That includes finances, health, fun times and relationships.

Why is that? I understand health going downhill, but why the other things (relationships, fun times)?

Our careers stalled about that time and our household income never got back to that level. The grind of taking care of aging/dying parents, challenging kids and finances in the toilet add stress to just about everything. There are moments that are wonderful but the overall landscape generally sucks.

FWIW - I'm not looking for them now, but there are studies that suggest that the forties, the years when for many of us kids, aging parents, and career stagnation coincide, are when people are at their most stressed and unhappy. For a lot of people, happiness declines when we have kids, hits a low at around our mid-forties, and starts increasing again in our fifties. Hope you may be coming out of the worst of it, PP.

Don't miss bedtime to work. Those snuggly little people grow up fast.

With what i know now? I would tell myself to follow my instincts and NOT buy the house we bought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell the 35 year old me to enjoy this time. It may not look like it now but this as good as its going to get for a long time (20 years of downhill, so far). That includes finances, health, fun times and relationships.

Why is that? I understand health going downhill, but why the other things (relationships, fun times)?

Our careers stalled about that time and our household income never got back to that level. The grind of taking care of aging/dying parents, challenging kids and finances in the toilet add stress to just about everything. There are moments that are wonderful but the overall landscape generally sucks.