If OP and her DH are typical parents, they discuss their kids at least once on a date. When the kids have a new sitter, we will always check in once a night by calling to see how things are going and if there are any questions. Before we leave, we go over emergency numbers, meal and bedtime routine, and discuss any allergies or medications needed. If OP didn't know about this new sitter, she is assuming that the person watching the kids (ILs) is well-versed in these matters. Also, there is no discomfort or anxiety felt by the kids that evening since they are supposedly being watched by a close relative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:puh-leez, they knew good and damn well you would not approve of this, thats why they ran it by your husband. What kind of person leaves his kids with a complete stranger, your kids couldve been molested. I would be done with the inlaws and the husband!

+1

Right. Get a divorce then you'll have no say at all about childcare with DH.

Anonymous wrote:puh-leez, they knew good and damn well you would not approve of this, thats why they ran it by your husband. What kind of person leaves his kids with a complete stranger, your kids couldve been molested. I would be done with the inlaws and the husband!

+1

Husband to blame. Not in laws. They asked. He agreed.

I would be mad at my DH. Have you discussed things like this before? We have a strict rule that when grandparents have the kids, they are not to leave them with anyone else, and have communicated that to the grandparents. I would be furious with your husband.

Anonymous wrote:This would be a major, serious deal breaker for me. It is so effed-up on so many levels, my head is spinning.
I'm so sorry this happened, OP.

Me too. They would never watch my kids again.

puh-leez, they knew good and damn well you would not approve of this, thats why they ran it by your husband. What kind of person leaves his kids with a complete stranger, your kids couldve been molested. I would be done with the inlaws and the husband!

I'd be mad at both of them, but especially DH for not being honest and thinking you didn't need to know or maybe he purposely kept it from you knowing you'd react this way. But, if your kids are okay despite the stranger babysitter, nothing in reality bad happened. Sometimes while driving I will freak out at a near accident, and my dad has to tell me "the accident didn't happen" and then I feel like I can let it go. If your kids are fine, it's better not to freak out over it, even though you have a right to. I'd never leave them with the ILs again though.

I feel you OP, this is something my inlaws would definitely do, but my husband would tell me... I think. If he didn't it wouldn't be on purpose, maybe it just slipped his mind because he doesn't see it as a big deal? Try having a calm discussion with your DH.

If I had done something similar with my parents when my kids were young and not informed my DH, he would have been just as pissed as OP. He would also have expected me to know this sitter personally and thus vetted them before allowing my parents to use him/her as a substitute. This is not a mom vs. dad issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......

Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?

But that's not what happened. The in laws didn't go behind their back - they told their son they had an engagement, but could still watch the kids if it was ok to have a babysitter for the evening. Son said fine, that's great. We'll drop the kids off. I have a hard time seeing how the in laws have fault in this. Actually, I have a hard time seeing that this is a problem at all.

You weren't there. There was no mention made of the engagement or sitter by the ILs or DH the whole evening. OP had to hear about it from their child. Do you like when plans are made involving your children behind your back? That's what happened here.

I would immediately write an email to the ILs and CC hubby: I understand that you also went out the night you took our children in to babysit them. I further understand that you hired a sitter. Next time please inform me of such changes or if there is a change of plans. I'm glad everything worked out fine but this sort of thing should not be a surprise I hear from my kindergartner. Thanks, see you soon!

Why on earth would you do that? If they told your husband about it, and he said ok, I can't see how they are at fault. He is at fault for not telling you and making sure you agreed. I don't think your in laws are under any obligation to get the consent of both parents separately. They probably reasonably assumed your husband would discuss it with you, or would not have agreed unless it was ok by both of you.

I would be pissed. Wow. No one watches my kids alone without my consent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, if they hadn't asked your husband, but asked you instead, then it would have been alright? Cause you're the boss? So, they're your kids and he is what? And the grandparents are just dumb irresponsible people who managed to raise someone you considered fine enough to marry. All of these people are just so intolerable because they didn't kiss your ......

Who on earth agrees to watch your kids (PLURAL) and then goes behind your back and hires a random to watch your kids?
Why wouldn't you tell the mother this change of plans? Trying not to have her worry? Not cancel her plans because she suddenly has unknown childcare?

But that's not what happened. The in laws didn't go behind their back - they told their son they had an engagement, but could still watch the kids if it was ok to have a babysitter for the evening. Son said fine, that's great. We'll drop the kids off. I have a hard time seeing how the in laws have fault in this. Actually, I have a hard time seeing that this is a problem at all.

This would be a major, serious deal breaker for me. It is so effed-up on so many levels, my head is spinning.
I'm so sorry this happened, OP.