Anonymous wrote:

Do NOT let your MIL move in with you if you want to preserve your marriage. This type of arrangement only succeeds if the parent (Mother or MIL) gets along extremely well with the woman of the household and is not a PITA. Listen to your intuition. Look for alternative care arrangements, such as having live-in caregivers at her home or finding a elder care home.

Caring for ILs took my marriage to the breaking point - and I got along with them. I didn't feel close to them but we always had a positive relationship. My DH, like yours, is an only child. He felt a great responsibility to his parents as they got older and more infiirm, they became more demanding and more unreasonable. As a PP noted, aspects of their personalities intensified. DH felt like he was between a rock (them) and a hard place (me). If my FIL hadn't died when he did, we'd be divorced. Unless you feel committed to your MIL (and I don't see why you would), there's no way in hell I'd let her move in. Pay for someone to come in a few times a week or get her into independent living.

Anonymous wrote:My husband, an only child, grew up very close to his parents in a very, very small and sheltered community. While fundamentally nice people, I hope, his parents and I have clashed in many major ways the past 20 years-most notably, they tried to physically bar us from entering our own wedding because they didn't believe their son should marry a black woman. We've tried to make amends, but things are constantly coming up-they didn't want our kids in public school, they were angry when we named a child what they consider to be a "black name" (equivalent of Dante), and on several occasions have commented to my husband that my clothing was slutty. When they're around my husband and children, they're lovely. Around me, they're icy and rude. Two years ago, almost to the day, my father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He went on hospice care in eight months and was dead within the year. My husband mourned and I supported him, and for a while his grief seemed overwhelming, but he got through it and is now increasingly close to his mother. Who wants to move in with us.

I'm currently a SAHM (with plans to start working by 2016) so the burden of caring for MIL would fall mostly on me. If it were my mother, I would expect my husband to take her in. Then again, my mother hasn't used the n-word against my husband. I believe children have the responsibility to care for their parents, especially if they have a stable relationship and love each other. My husband agrees. However, it pains me to know I will be taking care of someone who has been so mean to me in the past. I will care for her diligently and do everything necessary should she end up moving in with us, which would happen by Christmas. But something in me really doesn't want her to. Input, please-thanks.

Do NOT let your MIL move in with you if you want to preserve your marriage. This type of arrangement only succeeds if the parent (Mother or MIL) gets along extremely well with the woman of the household and is not a PITA. Listen to your intuition. Look for alternative care arrangements, such as having live-in caregivers at her home or finding a elder care home.