Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

I don't think he will. He's in love with the fantasy of being Super Dad but I guess he'd last very little when dealing with the whole practical aspect of parenting.

Also, being in counselling means that you're doing something to get better, and that's a huge plus point for you. What is he doing to help improve the situation? Calling you names? That hardly qualifies as constructive.

I don't think that a judge can make a decision solely on what a parent says. If anything, you'd have to be examined by a forensic psychiatrist to be deemed unfit to keep your baby. And I am not an expert, but I don't see abuse or neglect from what you write. So I don't think he stands a chance.

Well, I've told him that he'd have a nervous breakdown if he would have to care for the baby alone. He claims he'd do a "hell of a better job" than I would and that if I didn't want the baby, he'd take him. And I don't want to push him into that.

Talk to a lawyer and have your counsellor talk to a lawyer as well. They know all the intricacies of the law and they can come up with a plan, also taking your depression into account.

May I ask why you're so against staying at home? That would establish you as the primary caregiver and that's a hard one for any court to dismiss. Just a thought.

May I ask why you're so adamant SAHM parents are the best? Please stop.

Anonymous wrote:He is not foreign and neither of our families are local. My mom came when the baby was first born but hasn't been able to since.

I just don't know what to think of all this. He's accused me of being abusive, especially tonight. He said I'm keeping him from talking to his parents because I couldn't wait 20 minutes to change a diaper or do it in the other room. I just..that never crossed my mind.

OP, see what's happening here? He's accusing you of being a bad mother but what he's really upset about is that his phone call got interrupted. That, and not your mothering skills, is what upset him. Which makes him a bad father because frankly cleaning up your kid is more important than his damn phone call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

I don't think he will. He's in love with the fantasy of being Super Dad but I guess he'd last very little when dealing with the whole practical aspect of parenting.

Also, being in counselling means that you're doing something to get better, and that's a huge plus point for you. What is he doing to help improve the situation? Calling you names? That hardly qualifies as constructive.

I don't think that a judge can make a decision solely on what a parent says. If anything, you'd have to be examined by a forensic psychiatrist to be deemed unfit to keep your baby. And I am not an expert, but I don't see abuse or neglect from what you write. So I don't think he stands a chance.

Well, I've told him that he'd have a nervous breakdown if he would have to care for the baby alone. He claims he'd do a "hell of a better job" than I would and that if I didn't want the baby, he'd take him. And I don't want to push him into that.

Talk to a lawyer and have your counsellor talk to a lawyer as well. They know all the intricacies of the law and they can come up with a plan, also taking your depression into account.

May I ask why you're so against staying at home? That would establish you as the primary caregiver and that's a hard one for any court to dismiss. Just a thought.

You need to get angry OP, like really really angry. I used to get similar shit about being a bad mother and wife from my MIL, who came over every day and made sure DH knows how horrible I am. I am still convinced she wants nothing more than me to disappear and leave the baby with her and DH. Anyways, at some point I got really angry and started interrupting her spills with "No, you are wrong..." or "this is nonsense", I implemented my rules and insisted she follows them and not the other way around, and when she dropped in unannounced to "check on how I am doing my job" I started saying that she is not competent enough to make this judgement. Interestingly, seeing me being in a position of authority made my husband realize that I know what I am doing and don't need his mothers "support". I am not a confrontational person, so it was very stressful for me, plus MIL got shocked from the change of attitude and started fighting me more, called my parents to tell them what a rude DIL I am; DH got upset I am being disrespectful to his mom, but whatever, I was unstoppable. Everyone calmed down in a few months and accepted my newly acquired dominant status
MIL is still a crazy bitch and I still have to deal with her, but it is much easier now.

Make your self an authority, tell your h research that says that working mothers have less depressive symptoms, and the baby needs a healthy mother to thrive. Even if your argument is flawed, state it with conviction and do not discuss it further. Make decisions about your baby and follow through. Then, if things don't get better, get out as PP suggested.

I can't believe there are so many complete sh*t husbands here....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

I don't think he will. He's in love with the fantasy of being Super Dad but I guess he'd last very little when dealing with the whole practical aspect of parenting.

Also, being in counselling means that you're doing something to get better, and that's a huge plus point for you. What is he doing to help improve the situation? Calling you names? That hardly qualifies as constructive.

I don't think that a judge can make a decision solely on what a parent says. If anything, you'd have to be examined by a forensic psychiatrist to be deemed unfit to keep your baby. And I am not an expert, but I don't see abuse or neglect from what you write. So I don't think he stands a chance.

Well, I've told him that he'd have a nervous breakdown if he would have to care for the baby alone. He claims he'd do a "hell of a better job" than I would and that if I didn't want the baby, he'd take him. And I don't want to push him into that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

I don't think he will. He's in love with the fantasy of being Super Dad but I guess he'd last very little when dealing with the whole practical aspect of parenting.

Also, being in counselling means that you're doing something to get better, and that's a huge plus point for you. What is he doing to help improve the situation? Calling you names? That hardly qualifies as constructive.

I don't think that a judge can make a decision solely on what a parent says. If anything, you'd have to be examined by a forensic psychiatrist to be deemed unfit to keep your baby. And I am not an expert, but I don't see abuse or neglect from what you write. So I don't think he stands a chance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

Yeah, my husband totally checked out after the arrival of the baby. He's not mean to me, he just won't help at all with the baby and has no interest in him. He makes excuses to never be home, and if he is home, if the baby cries, he will just get up and leave the room instead of help. It's been 12 weeks or so now, and he's never changed a diaper or given a bottle, and has only held the baby for family photos.

He had me move the baby's bassinet out into the living room and now I sleep out there with the baby, because he said he didn't want the baby in our bedroom because the crying disturbs his sleep too much.

Reading these posts, I guess I can at least be thankful that he's not yelling and verbally abusing me. I keep hoping he'll snap out of it and want to be a father - he is the one that wanted this baby so badly.

Also, can PP please stop saying that staying home is best, at least in my thread? Not helping the matter at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Yeah, the crying was keeping him up at night and "unlike me" he had to go to work the next day. And no, I wasn't like the mom in the GP post who wanted to bf no matter the cost. Bf went very well right off the bat but of course there are some nights it just....doesn't. And somehow that was my fault.

I'm afraid to leave though because I'm scared he'll file for custody for the baby. I've been in counseling for very very mild PPD so I'm afraid he'll use that against me. I know. That doesn't happen. But he's got a way of spinning things and he'll convince a judge I'm a danger to the baby and myself.

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. I left and rode out maternity leave at my parents' house (I had a host of health issues and I physically needed support). Then I moved back into the house, thinking it would be better once the baby was sleeping through the night.

The baby is now 18 months and my husband has not gotten any less abusive. Now he tells our son that I am a bad mother, and that I don't love him because I travel for work and need to take a nap occasionally on the weekend (still dealing with health issues).

I am saving every penny I have to leave him in 2015, before my child is old enough to really understand what's going on.

Get out now, OP.

Good for you. Learn how to exit safely and stick to your plan. Nothing good can come from a man who tells his son that kind of crap. I bet he's not sacrificing his career to stay home. If he sets such store on your son having a SAH parent (which I truly think is the best thing for a child), why isn't he staying home with him? Double standards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

OMG. What a flaming asshole. Would it have cost him his life to say "I know it's hard, honey, hang in there. Is there something I can do to help? Shall we see a lactation consultant?".

Men being soultion-oriented my ass. It looks more and more like heaps of them are abuse-oriented.

So sorry you are going through this, OP.

Anonymous wrote:All these posts about these insanely abusive husbands when it comes to the new baby makes me feel that at least, I'm not alone.

It's really sad though that there are so many husbands/fathers like this.

One of the reasons I don't want kids it's because of the danger of something like this happening. Too many men go psycho once they become fathers. And then what? I'd be in a relationship with a raging abuser, and a kid in the middle of that. Thanks but no, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:My husband was the same way. He would scream at me and call me mother of the year if I couldn't quickly quiet the baby in the middle of the night. .

OP here. I got that too at first, when baby was little and wouldn't latch.

I think even the most capable mother in the world would feel awkward after a constant barrage of verbal abuse about what a terrible mother she is. Babies cry during diaper changes. Playing with them feels awkward and forced a lot of the time until they get a little older.

Your husband's behavior is unacceptable and abusive. If this is actually a significant personality change, he may have depression manifesting as anger and would benefit from meds. If he's always had controlling, critical tendencies, I would go straight to making a plan to leave him. Hang in there OP, you deserve better and you're a great mom.