Anonymous wrote:I think I have a different idea of friendship than you do. When I'm good friends with someone, I know their friends and certainly know (and hang out with) his girl/boyfriend. If his family is local, I usually know his family, too. Why haven't you asked this guy's girlfriend/fiance if they're engaged? Do you not ever hang out with her? Why not? I mean, if you're SUCH good friends with her boyfriend, you should all be hanging out together, having dinner parties, getting together to watch the game, etc. Right?

If you're not doing those sorts of things, you are not a 'friend' to their relationship. That's a problem. Relationships, romantic or not, need to be transparent, open and honest.

OP Here: I posted in a previous comment that we don't live in the same state. I am on the East Coast and he is now in Texas for work and she went to for school. Her and I don't talk, at all and to be honest, we never will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

OP Here: He says that she knows we still talk but I don't believe him at all. He does talk to me when he's home but I know that's only when she's not around. Otherwise, he goes to the grocery store, etc. and we talk.

So, basically, you're the other woman.

OP Here: I mean, is that really the right way of putting it? He's not cheating on her with me. We've been friends for 9 years and her and I just don't like each other at all. I feel like I am justified in my opinion because of the fact that she knew he was with me and didn't give a shit and kept trying to pursue him. She very well could know that we talk but I don't really think she does because to be honest, what girl is going to be okay with their fiancé or boyfriend or whatever talking to their ex 2-3 times a day but idk.

OP, you are having what is known as an emotional affair. You are the other woman. You're just not having second.

Anonymous wrote:He's a dishonest person who'll never be faithful to any woman. You dodged a bullet. Move on and find someone else, hopefully one who won't be chatting with an ex multiple times a day.

Pp nailed it. + a gazillion

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

OP Here: He says that she knows we still talk but I don't believe him at all. He does talk to me when he's home but I know that's only when she's not around. Otherwise, he goes to the grocery store, etc. and we talk.

So, basically, you're the other woman.

OP Here: I mean, is that really the right way of putting it? He's not cheating on her with me. We've been friends for 9 years and her and I just don't like each other at all. I feel like I am justified in my opinion because of the fact that she knew he was with me and didn't give a shit and kept trying to pursue him. She very well could know that we talk but I don't really think she does because to be honest, what girl is going to be okay with their fiancé or boyfriend or whatever talking to their ex 2-3 times a day but idk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.

This is weird. It is not normal to be talking to a non-BF 2-3 times per day. It's especially weird because he has a GF/fiance.

What do you get out of this friendship? It seems like he likes having you dangling on a string, but what does the friendship offer you? I would stop being friends with this guy, but it's easier to see that from a third-party perspective.

OP Here: Honestly, I know I'm going to get ripped apart for this but since we were 17, he's been my best friend. He was the one I could tell ANYTHING to and still is that person to me. I know that is sad to some people but he's been here for me more then some of my friends have. I went through some rough stuff when I was 18-19 and he was the most supportive person ever. He flew to come see me as a surprise when he knew my life was hell. Even though he's lying to me about some major stuff, he STILL is the one that gives me the best advice and is here for me through rough times and vise versa. We have always been that to each other and it hasn't changed. I know it's weird that we talk all the time when he has a gf or fiancé or whatever but it's just how it's been and to be honest, I never felt bad about it just because we've been in each others lives for 9 years now and she has only been in his for 2.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

OP Here: He says that she knows we still talk but I don't believe him at all. He does talk to me when he's home but I know that's only when she's not around. Otherwise, he goes to the grocery store, etc. and we talk.

So, basically, you're the other woman.

Anonymous wrote:Check on The Knot for a wedding website and other common stores where people have wedding registries : Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, Crate and Barrell etc for their names. Google his name and her name + registry or wedding registry. He may not be willing to tell you the truth, but that doesn't mean you can't find out on your own.

OP Here: Oh I tried looking up every wedding thing I could just so I would have more proof so I could be like "JUST ADMIT IT!!!" but there is NOTHING. There is no registries, engagement pics, etc. Nothing comes up at all.

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason why he's only talking to you on his commute. He doesn't want his fiancé to know. He is lying to her.

He is still talking to you bc he likes the attention. It makes him feel good to know he could still have you back. You need to move on.

OP Here: He says that she knows we still talk but I don't believe him at all. He does talk to me when he's home but I know that's only when she's not around. Otherwise, he goes to the grocery store, etc. and we talk.

Anonymous wrote:Here is the true test. Have you met his finance?
No? Then he isn't a true friend.

True friends are open with their partners about their
Friends. I would bet your kept hidden.

Next time he calls tell him as his friend you want to
Get to know is future wife. When can you meet her?
Can you have her email so you two can get
To know each other too. What's her cell number so
You can try and build a friendship with her too.

I can only imagine the bs you'll get fed As to why
Non of that can happen.

OP Here: No, I have never met her and that is for two reasons... 1) she knew that he had a girlfriend but continued trying to contact him when we were together therefore, I have never liked her and 2) as stated in a previous comment I made, he re located out of state and now lives in Texas.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it past your bedtime, dear?

OP here: I'm 26 so not too sure where you are going with that.

NP here: You sound really young. And immature. Move on.

OP here: Again, I'm 26 but thank you!

Which is young to some of the people/hags here.

OP - it sounds like you are still in love with him. But you need to let him go and move on. Even if you THINK he still loves you (how often you talk, etc. etc.) he isn't in a place to responsibly love you (or his fiance for that matter) without hurting someone. Let him go completely. Good luck. I used to love a man like this.

OP if you're here looking for advice that says he loves you or something, you're in the wrong place. You don't seem receptive to the sensible advice that he's not a real friend, not interested, and manipulating you.

You're not a friend in his mind--you're a back-up option.

I think I have a different idea of friendship than you do. When I'm good friends with someone, I know their friends and certainly know (and hang out with) his girl/boyfriend. If his family is local, I usually know his family, too. Why haven't you asked this guy's girlfriend/fiance if they're engaged? Do you not ever hang out with her? Why not? I mean, if you're SUCH good friends with her boyfriend, you should all be hanging out together, having dinner parties, getting together to watch the game, etc. Right?

If you're not doing those sorts of things, you are not a 'friend' to their relationship. That's a problem. Relationships, romantic or not, need to be transparent, open and honest.

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.

This is weird. It is not normal to be talking to a non-BF 2-3 times per day. It's especially weird because he has a GF/fiance.

What do you get out of this friendship? It seems like he likes having you dangling on a string, but what does the friendship offer you? I would stop being friends with this guy, but it's easier to see that from a third-party perspective.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think some of the vitriol that's being thrown your way is coming from a place of severe frustration. Honestly, as I read through your posts my brain is screaming "agggghhhhh! Stop! Stop letting him do that to you! Oh. My. God." It's truly not because I wish ill will upon you or want to be a bitch. It's just that you are such a complete and total doormat for this guy it makes me want to shake you.

You are better than that. Stop letting this man treat you this way. You are offering him all the emotional support and ego stroking he requires while getting absolutely nothing in return. He's marrying someone else but keeping you around by occasionally giving you little slivers of hope that you may get back together. He is manipulating you, and you are eating it up. Have some respect for yourself and end your "friendship" with this guy. Please. For all of woman kind, please.

+1