Anonymous wrote:This is BS from a bunch of folks bending over backwards to show how gay friendly they are. Brother has a new girlfriend. Kids can deal with it just like everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sex of either the past or present partners is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Yes, I did read it. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.

That did not answer the question

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Yes, I did read it. I'm sorry you're having trouble with the idea that not everyone feels the same way you do.

Anonymous wrote:The sex of either the past or present partners is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Are you kidding? Did you not read OP's post??
The brother just recently broke up with his partner and now wants to bring secret lover to his sister's house.
It's not like the brother and boyfriend have been broken up for a long time and brother had been dating this girl for months.
In what way is it exclusionary to say no to someone you have never met, did not personally invite, and whose presence will be awkward and require an explanation you should not have to give???

Anonymous wrote:I understand it's painful for all of your to lose someone you valued as a part of your family. That hurts, no matter what the circumstances, and I'm sorry your family holiday isn't going to be what you wanted it to be.

As for the new partner, a couple of thoughts. First, I think the issue of your kids not knowing isn't really fair. Unless your brother and his partner have a long history of breaking up, hooking with other people and then getting back together, I'm not sure why you'd think they might get back together and thus would withhold from your kids that they broke up. I may be off base, but I'm getting a vibe that it's a little bit of a passive-aggressive way to make a statement to your brother, and to find a pretext for excluding his new girlfriend. As to the girlfriend herself, is it that she's new? That it's too close to his break-up with this partner? If he had another new girlfriend next year that he wanted to bring, do you think you would be okay with that? I guess in my mind is to think about what kind of family you want to be here. Do you want to be warm, welcoming, inclusive, etc., or do you want to draw you and yours close to the exclusion of "outsiders"? If this woman turns out to be a long-term part of his life, will you be okay with her first impression of you being the sibling who excluded her from Christmas, and thus having her never really warm to including you either? Ultimately, she's not the one to blame for your brother's relationship ending, but it feels like you're punishing her as proxy for him, because you can't bring yourself to exclude him directly.

Anonymous wrote:I am 'bout sick and tired of thinking they can do whatever they want without consideration of how their BEHAVIOUR affects others, then these others are supposed to co-sign on their dumb-ass s***.
OP's brother can sleep with entire population of Maine, but that dies not mean that OP has to host everyone of those M*****F*******!