DCUM Forum

Anonymous

10/24/2014 20:39 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Are you asking if we are having sex? Yes." Big smile.

Exactly! We would answer that we didn't know when we would have kids but we LOVED trying, know what I mean? *big grin*

"Great idea, MIL! Can we use your bedroom to try right now?"

Anonymous

10/24/2014 20:38 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a wife who'd love it if my DH was ready for kids, I love it when people ask this question. Dh for years was convinced his parents didn't care because they didn't ask. We really want involved grandparents and weren't sure that ours would be on board if we had kids. Ours never visit us and we'd love it if they were involved enough to care about having grandkids. So far, they don't mention it. My SIL nags constantly about wanting nieces and nephews though.

this sounds like communication issues between you and your dh, not in laws or sil etc

I just answered the question of how to handle nosy people. It doesn't bother me like it bothers everyone else. I like talking about it. It's nice to be able to talk to others about it while DH gets ready.

And that is you. Op feels differently and wants more privacy.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 15:27 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

I had secondary infertility and this problem for years- I think if you already have one child people assume you want and can have more. Oh, and SHOULD have more- I had someone lecture me about my DD needing a brother or sister soon... and then asked when that was going to happen. I was literally in the middle of a miscarriage. I told her. Conversation over.

When that conversation was raised again by someone else, I was tempted to use the same explanation. Or say our marriage wasn't stable. Or my husband couldn't get it up.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 15:25 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

I relished telling everyone we are childfree.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 15:23 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:I think if a MIL feels so compelled to ask for status update on this, she should ask HER SON, not her DIL.

Similarly, it would be inappropriate and awkward for my mother to go up my husband and ask him about the babymaking timeline. If she wants to know, at least ask me.

I totally agree. It feels really underhanded not to mention over the top sexist.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 15:20 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:"We have sex 3x a day in the following positions: missionary, doggystyle, standing up, and me riding your son like Annie Oakley, but so far no luck."

This is awesome. Esp. for those of us with infertility- can you imagine?

Anonymous

10/24/2014 15:19 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:Baby birthstone gift...that's really something, OP. GL with her.

This is really terrible. I don't know- if I had the guts, in your case, I'd likely say something along the lines of "well, that's a decision that your son and I will make together. Since it's about our family [this would be my passive aggressive move to my MIL who doesn't understand there is a diff. between nuclear and extended family) we'll be th eonly decision makers"

Anonymous

10/24/2014 14:39 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a MIL like yours (zero boundaries, no concept of appropriate conversation, completely impervious to hints).

On my wedding day she made three references to her hope that I was pregnant, one of them next to my father at dinner when she said "I was really hoping this was a shotgun wedding."

Both I and my husband had to tell her very directly to stop asking. VERY directly. More than once.

God help you if you ever do get pregnant. The conversations I had to have with her then about when and where she was allowed to be present, with whom she was allowed to share medical information, whether I wanted her two cents on breastfeeding, etc... were appalling.

Good luck!!!

Op here- god, that sounds miserable.

She has already referred to the unconceived fetus by name. Apparently it's a girl. And she has named her.

WHAT

Anonymous

10/24/2014 11:37 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a MIL like yours (zero boundaries, no concept of appropriate conversation, completely impervious to hints).

On my wedding day she made three references to her hope that I was pregnant, one of them next to my father at dinner when she said "I was really hoping this was a shotgun wedding."

Both I and my husband had to tell her very directly to stop asking. VERY directly. More than once.

God help you if you ever do get pregnant. The conversations I had to have with her then about when and where she was allowed to be present, with whom she was allowed to share medical information, whether I wanted her two cents on breastfeeding, etc... were appalling.

Good luck!!!

Op here- god, that sounds miserable.

She has already referred to the unconceived fetus by name. Apparently it's a girl. And she has named her.

OP, that is very scary. I thought my mom had no boundaries, but your MIL takes the cake! With one like this, just be firm and consistent. No matter if she's direct or not, just tell her "I'm not going to discuss that with you." And walk away, change subject, etc.

What does DH think about all of this? He needs to be on board with you. If MIL keeps asking you even after you've shut down the conversation, then DH needs to talk with her about boundaries. Consider pulling away from her to create distance, like visiting/calling less frequently, keeping visits/phone calls shorter, limit information you tell her, etc. If you're already doing this then good luck.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 10:34 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a MIL like yours (zero boundaries, no concept of appropriate conversation, completely impervious to hints).

On my wedding day she made three references to her hope that I was pregnant, one of them next to my father at dinner when she said "I was really hoping this was a shotgun wedding."

Both I and my husband had to tell her very directly to stop asking. VERY directly. More than once.

God help you if you ever do get pregnant. The conversations I had to have with her then about when and where she was allowed to be present, with whom she was allowed to share medical information, whether I wanted her two cents on breastfeeding, etc... were appalling.

Good luck!!!

Op here- god, that sounds miserable.

She has already referred to the unconceived fetus by name. Apparently it's a girl. And she has named her.

Anonymous

10/24/2014 10:19 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

OP, I have a MIL like yours (zero boundaries, no concept of appropriate conversation, completely impervious to hints).

On my wedding day she made three references to her hope that I was pregnant, one of them next to my father at dinner when she said "I was really hoping this was a shotgun wedding."

Both I and my husband had to tell her very directly to stop asking. VERY directly. More than once.

God help you if you ever do get pregnant. The conversations I had to have with her then about when and where she was allowed to be present, with whom she was allowed to share medical information, whether I wanted her two cents on breastfeeding, etc... were appalling.

Good luck!!!

Anonymous

10/23/2014 19:13 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

"Are you asking if we are having sex? Yes." Big smile.

Exactly! We would answer that we didn't know when we would have kids but we LOVED trying, know what I mean? *big grin*

Anonymous

10/23/2014 18:47 Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

For people other than parents and siblings: "DH and I definitely look forward to starting a family together, and we're confident that that will happen in God's time." Change subject.

For parents (inc. ILs) and siblings, if I were inclined to avoid the subject with them as well for some reason: "DH and I definitely look forward to starting a family together, but that's all in God's time for now. When we do have such happy news to share, you will be among the very first to know." Change subject.

Anonymous

10/23/2014 16:30 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

"Are you asking if we are having sex? Yes." Big smile.

Anonymous

10/23/2014 16:20 Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when we were trying for quite some time, my mom's not-very-close friend asked me when I am going have children. I was already scared that we can't conceive and said "I don't know". This answer got her all riled up: "What do you mean you don't know, do you want children or not"? I said that we don't and it made her even more outraged. The thing is, we got pregnant in the following month. When that friend found out, she told my mom I am a lier and stopped talking to her. I never thought someone I barely knew can take my fertility so personally.

Total weirdo. I hope your mom didn't shed any tears over the loss of that friendship.

Mom had a complete WTH reaction

and yeah, she does not miss that woman.