Anonymous wrote:Ok OP tough love time. I was in your shoes (but with an amazing husband) and I was a bitch. My anxiety and depression (lack of sleep) had driven me almost insane. So I get how you are feeling. HOWEVER:

I see lots of EXCUSES in your posts. You have received many support and suggestions and I know you are overwhelmed and tired (but it sounds like your DC does sleep) but you need to make some effort to fix the problem. It goes both ways.

First- stop making excuses for the OB and not having a PCP. Call the hospital where you delivered and see if they can help. Did you deliver here? There IS a way to find out if you have depression NOW rather than waiting 3-4 weeks.
Second- you need to get into counseling with your DH if you want to save your marriage. You can bring the baby if you have to but life will NOT get better if you do not address your marriage.
Third- Do you have family? I did not read you mentioning them but I suppose they are not in the area? You need to lean on your family for help. This is the time you need HELP. If they wont help you look at your finances and get a helper during the week.

Listen, I feel for you I do because I was there a few months ago. BUT you will not get out of this without doing something about it. Stop the excuses and think about the next steps to take to get you and your life and marriage back on track.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, he claims that people do this (the baby and isolation thing) all the time and I don't have any to be depressed about. He sneered when I mentioned very early on that lack of a support system was proven to be a cause of PPD. I really don't understand the purpose in him insisting I don't have PPD, but I'm just a bitch. Is mental illness that uncomfortable for people that they'd rather see the person they married as the face of evil? Because he's called me evil before too.

I'm a PP who has been very supportive of you, OP, but you do see that you are blaming your DH for your PPD, right? You have to understand that not even the kindest, most patient and understanding husband is going to take that well.

I really didn't see it that way, but it makes sense that he'd take it that way. I was doing research and found it interesting that lack of a support system has been found to be causal, not just a correlating factor. And the support system the research talks about isn't your spouse, it's friends, family, and the healthcare system. I know your spouse can't be the end all be all as support goes. I don't know if I can apologize for it this far out though.

You CAN. You CAN and should! Why wouldn't you? Obviously if it's still on your mind you know it was a hurtful thing to say. THis is your HUSBAND and your marriage at stake. Pride and standing on ceremony should have no place in the discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See, he claims that people do this (the baby and isolation thing) all the time and I don't have any to be depressed about. He sneered when I mentioned very early on that lack of a support system was proven to be a cause of PPD. I really don't understand the purpose in him insisting I don't have PPD, but I'm just a bitch. Is mental illness that uncomfortable for people that they'd rather see the person they married as the face of evil? Because he's called me evil before too.

I'm a PP who has been very supportive of you, OP, but you do see that you are blaming your DH for your PPD, right? You have to understand that not even the kindest, most patient and understanding husband is going to take that well.

I really didn't see it that way, but it makes sense that he'd take it that way. I was doing research and found it interesting that lack of a support system has been found to be causal, not just a correlating factor. And the support system the research talks about isn't your spouse, it's friends, family, and the healthcare system. I know your spouse can't be the end all be all as support goes. I don't know if I can apologize for it this far out though.

You CAN. You CAN and should! Why wouldn't you? Obviously if it's still on your mind you know it was a hurtful thing to say. THis is your HUSBAND and your marriage at stake. Pride and standing on ceremony should have no place in the discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I really didn't see it that way, but it makes sense that he'd take it that way. I was doing research and found it interesting that lack of a support system has been found to be causal, not just a correlating factor. And the support system the research talks about isn't your spouse, it's friends, family, and the healthcare system. I know your spouse can't be the end all be all as support goes. I don't know if I can apologize for it this far out though.

Friends and family is very important. Do you talk to them frequently? Try to think of DH as wounded. He is hurt and angry too. Try from this moment forward to consider his (reasonable) needs and what it would take to fulfill those needs. He may then be more understanding of your needs. I know that might not be the way things should work, but I've found with men that's oftentimes how it works. Talking to a therapist should help you. He hasn't divorced you yet. Even if it is indeed too late for him mentally, I would treat it as if it's not.