Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen and in my 20's, I figured, because of family history and such, I would have a fatal heart attack in my 40's. I planned my life accordingly. At 32, they found a drug cocktail that got my cholesterol numbers down, and I started planning long term.

I now am married, have a wonderful kid, and am 50.

I did not anticipate cancer....but I seem to have beaten it (for now). And the stent took care of my coronary blockage.

I have a much better career than I thought I would have -- interesting job that pays reasonably well (by my standards, not DCUM standards). I own a house, a sports car (wanted one, got it after cancer).

And my dog likes me.

Life is better than I planned.

Your story makes me happy. I also have a family history of heart disease and am grateful that I don't have any. The cholesterol drugs have been a miracle for me.

Mine is much better than I ever imagined. Had a highly dysfunctional childhood, never dreamed I'd have my life.

Anonymous wrote:I did not plan but had certain expectations.

You all do

I never thought I'd marry a man who would cheat and then dump his family for a home wrecking whore. I thought I was a good judge of character.

You all do

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

Someone that marries a wealthy jew is probably not posting on DCUM on Rosh Hashanah.

I did and I'm posting. No, I am not Jewish. I also married him when he was poor.

Mark Zuckerberg's wife?

Yes! In fact it s turned out better than I planned. Every 5 years I adjusted my plans and goals and achieved them. I ve definitely had some disappointments personally and professionally but realize I m way better off in both aspects than I had hoped for. Thanks for bringing this up for reflection!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

Someone that marries a wealthy jew is probably not posting on DCUM on Rosh Hashanah.

I did and I'm posting. No, I am not Jewish. I also married him when he was poor.

I think if I went back and told my 13 year old self or my 23 year old self how life has ended up for me at 34, my old selves would give me a high five and a big hug.

Of course, I've always been kind of anxious, so a good chunk of that would be relief of anxiety, but I have a nice husband, child, another on the way, home. My parents are a source of joy and comfort. I have some really good friends. I did some therapy. All in all, life's pretty great.

I was not able to follow the path I had thought I wanted to be on.

However, the path that fate put me on turned out pretty good.

Not at all.

In my 20s I ended up in an abusive relationship and workplace. Both situations set me back 5 years in my career and personal life.

On the positive, it drove me to a lucrative and family-friendly career that financed both leaving the abuse and resolving the career issues.

Now I'm starting a new page in life and hope to finally find a good partner and build a better future together.

Sort of, not really.

I am in a career with more responsibility and income than I ever thought possible, having some expertise in something which I never really imagined for myself (income not super high, I just always thought I'd be a teacher or social worker or something and I got into something else that led to something else and so on).

I'm amazed all the time by the two kids I have.

Marriage was 100x harder than I ever dreamed possible. I was woefully unprepared for the patience it takes to build a life with another imperfect human, but now thanks to falling on our faces a lot, we've endured and have a stronger marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

So you didn't figure out you needed your own MD or JD, not just to marry someone with one of those degrees?

+1

BRAVO.

I don't understand anyone who lives their life for status, especially if it is a "cultural" expectation. Give me a break.

HAHAHA. I thought I would be single, in NYC, working in the entertainment or fashion industry, probably a lawyer.

Most of that did not work out, which is fine.

While I am educated and accomplished, my life is better than I ever would have expected - in spite of health issues, deaths, and awful things happening.

You just have to keep things in perspective. I hate when people tell me to "be grateful" - because they have absolutely NO idea WTH they are talking about. But in my own mind, I am grateful, for the things I know about and am keenly aware of.

I have little patience for speed bumps slowing others down, especially when they think they are huge mountains, and they simply are not. Since you asked.

Anonymous wrote:I suppose you could say I'm not very ambitious because the only plan I've ever had is to meet my soul mate and have a fun and happy life with him. No kids, just us. Well, I succeeded in finding the man who is now my husband and best friend at a very young age, and since then we've had a low stress, fun and happy life. So I guess it has turned out how I planned.

Wow - thanks for sharing.

Interesting that you and a PP are on this forum and do not want children. This is a better place due to a variety of viewpoints / lifestyle choices.

Never in a million years would I have ever anticipated my life would end up like it has. I came from an upper middle class family and grew up knowing very few friends whose parents were divorced.

I am 40, divorced and have two children. My ex and I do not get along well and dealing with him has been very hard on me and our children. I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and have to use a laundromat. This is a far cry from my nice house childhood house in Fairfax. To make matters worse, I don't speak to my mother anymore.

It sounds terrible.

I do have hope though. I hope that one day I will get out of my apartment and have my own washing machine and dryer. I hope to get a better job. I hope to have a meaningful relationship and fall in love.

I suppose you could say I'm not very ambitious because the only plan I've ever had is to meet my soul mate and have a fun and happy life with him. No kids, just us. Well, I succeeded in finding the man who is now my husband and best friend at a very young age, and since then we've had a low stress, fun and happy life. So I guess it has turned out how I planned.