Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Someone mentioned on another IL thread that if the MIL and DIL are opposite each other with regard to personality; the MIL may take that as the (son) rejecting the MIL.

Brilliant and so true!

. Doubtful. Mostly likely one or more intolerant people who can't. abide by some who approaches life differently.

Your response is unclear. One side has to "abide" by the other????? Wow, there is your issue right there!

Anonymous wrote:

Someone mentioned on another IL thread that if the MIL and DIL are opposite each other with regard to personality; the MIL may take that as the (son) rejecting the MIL.

Brilliant and so true!

. Doubtful. Mostly likely one or more intolerant people who can't. abide by some who approaches life differently.

Someone mentioned on another IL thread that if the MIL and DIL are opposite each other with regard to personality; the MIL may take that as the (son) rejecting the MIL.

Brilliant and so true!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.

Interesting. I was never so insecure in DH's love for me that I felt the need to have him cut his mom out of his life. Hoping my DD is mature enough to know she doesn't need to do that to her DH some day (which isn't very loving) and DS choses a mature and secure woman who doesn't feel threatened by him loving other people, too. My friends who saw their DH's family as competition for love haven't had such happy marriages. I want more for my kids as we all benefit by having more people who love us. Of course, it all depends upon raising kids who are strong, secure and emotionally mature and hoping they marry people with the same traits. Love isn't a competition.

Clearly there is a MIL trying desperately to deflect here. In my MIL's case, she has had a lifetime of feeling shortchanged. All before I came into the picture. She thinks the world did her wrong. And she really, really needs a scapegoat. Like the PP.

But you see, all I can do is try to be nice to her. Which gets me no where. Her loss.

Clearly, you are wrong. I have a tween and a young teen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.

Interesting. I was never so insecure in DH's love for me that I felt the need to have him cut his mom out of his life. Hoping my DD is mature enough to know she doesn't need to do that to her DH some day (which isn't very loving) and DS choses a mature and secure woman who doesn't feel threatened by him loving other people, too. My friends who saw their DH's family as competition for love haven't had such happy marriages. I want more for my kids as we all benefit by having more people who love us. Of course, it all depends upon raising kids who are strong, secure and emotionally mature and hoping they marry people with the same traits. Love isn't a competition.

Clearly there is a MIL trying desperately to deflect here. In my MIL's case, she has had a lifetime of feeling shortchanged. All before I came into the picture. She thinks the world did her wrong. And she really, really needs a scapegoat. Like the PP.

But you see, all I can do is try to be nice to her. Which gets me no where. Her loss.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is there for his parents when they need him but he can hardly wait to get back home. I am the one who usually ends up chatting with his parents while he is watching a game or "catching up on his emails."

+1

I always (intentionally) take the hit when the ILs are involved. DH had to fire SIL, I told him to blame me. She was really effing things up, and the new company hated, hated, hated her. She couldn't get along with anyone. It doesn't matter what it is, I tell him to blame me.

I know he is afraid of them (abuse growing up) - and I know they would never try to confront me; though I would pay good money to see them try. I don't put up with crap from them like he does. As far as vacations and holidays, I tell him to do what he wants. He usually ends up trying to make them happy. In reality, he knows there is no making them happy. I tell him (half kiddingly) that there is a definition of insanity.....

My DH is there for his parents when they need him but he can hardly wait to get back home. I am the one who usually ends up chatting with his parents while he is watching a game or "catching up on his emails."

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the one who would rather not spend time with his family. Although she may not know it, all the cards and gifts she has received from him were because of my efforts. I reminded him that we needed to pick up Mother's Day flowers and cards. I also reminded him that their 50th anniversary was approaching and we should arrange a celebration. He loves his parents but would rather spend time with his own nuclear family and hobbies. I think some husbands hide behind their "family obligations" and their wives are assumed to be the problem.

I know more than a few men who take the path of least resistance. For some it is out of sight, out of mind, mostly relationship laziness that also spills into their marriages after a few years. For others, is is just easier not to have to deal with the subtle or not so subtle wrath of their wives and they just end up limiting contact with their parents. In the end, everyone feels cheated and no one is happy, especially the husbands who have been put in the untenable position of choosing between those they love. Sad for everyone concerned including the wives.

My DH is the one who would rather not spend time with his family. Although she may not know it, all the cards and gifts she has received from him were because of my efforts. I reminded him that we needed to pick up Mother's Day flowers and cards. I also reminded him that their 50th anniversary was approaching and we should arrange a celebration. He loves his parents but would rather spend time with his own nuclear family and hobbies. I think some husbands hide behind their "family obligations" and their wives are assumed to be the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.

Interesting. I was never so insecure in DH's love for me that I felt the need to have him cut his mom out of his life. Hoping my DD is mature enough to know she doesn't need to do that to her DH some day (which isn't very loving) and DS choses a mature and secure woman who doesn't feel threatened by him loving other people, too. My friends who saw their DH's family as competition for love haven't had such happy marriages. I want more for my kids as we all benefit by having more people who love us. Of course, it all depends upon raising kids who are strong, secure and emotionally mature and hoping they marry people with the same traits. Love isn't a competition.

My 6 best friends would smash him like a bug

But thanks for playing, MIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.

This is absolutely true. It's also true that your precious DH is preoccupied with thoughts of the things he'd like to do with your 6 best friends, but he's not telling you to your face.

Stop projecting YOUR insecurities, pp

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

I completely agree with your point! The problem is, I am, in fact, insecure and I have my reasons for it. I would never prevent DH from seeing his family, but his mom is pretty nasty to me and tried to become the head of our household once she moved closer to us. After many many battles, years of battles really, and many thousands spent on anti-depressants (for me, not her), therapy and such, I now encourage DH and DC to spend time with her without me and I only meet with her on public.

Check out the "Vacation With the ILs" thread--many DILs do not want to share their families' limited vacation time with their MIL and FILs. Then in the " Rumbling about the holidays" thread, you have DILs dreading their ILs taking up their holiday celebrations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a nice person and tries to be supportive/not intrusive but I still can't wait until we move and don't have to deal with her and FIL. What MILs don't understand is we DILs want to make our own home with their sons. You had your time with him when he was in your home, now let us have ours!

How very immature. Do you really think your spouse should cut out his family just because you are married? Are you that insecure? The human heart (at least for most of us, not sure about you) has an infinite capacity to love. I am not a mil and have many, many years to go, but I can't help but wonder if many of the mil problems are actually insecure and controlling DILs.

Haha! I knew all the moms of sons would have a fit!

Wah! Wah! I don't want to share. It's (he's) mine! I don't want to share and you can't make me!

Geez, lady. You sound like a three year old.

Just keeping it real. Your future DIl may not tell you this to your face but she'll want it nevertheless.

This is absolutely true. It's also true that your precious DH is preoccupied with thoughts of the things he'd like to do with your 6 best friends, but he's not telling you to your face.