Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 18:32     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:OP here...it is a very small private school Other mother is an employee there. I didn't really see any other way around writing the note to both of them. i want the principal to talk to the playground monitors BUT I also wanted to let other mother know my concerns since she is at the school every day. I didn't want to just go to to other mother...She and I have talked about this issue a bit before...I wanted to tell school authorities so they monitor playground more closely and I didn't want to hide this note from other mother.


But then you had this really hostile reaction to her and I could not see why. She was not defending her DS' behavior. You are over reacting.

While your kids may not be name calling, they are ruining the play project of these other kids, repeatedly. They clearly get some kind of charge from making them mad. In other words, they are intentionally provoking them. This doesn't excuse what this other kid did but explains his frustration. He handled it wrong. But your kids were trying to make him angry, and they succeeded.

I still don't see why you went to the principle. The fact that the other mom works at the school means you went to her boss. Thats even worse.

You are going to lose this round. The other mom is probably well liked at the school. I'm guessing from the way you came off here, that you aren't so well liked by the administration, especially if you go to the principle about a playground tiff. The only way to handle this at this point is to advise the teachers of the dynamic, tell your kids that if they ruin the play of these other kids they will be punished, and then back off. I doubt you will take this advice.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 18:03     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
OP here...I have found out more information and now I do think the other two boys are the bullies.

I hope this doesn't give away who were all are..but apparently the issue is that at recess, the other boys are collecting stones and sticks and put them in a certain area they call The Trading Post. There are two main boys doing this (including the squeezer)..my kids are with a group of 4 boys who "raid" the trading post and take some of the sticks and stone. Then the two boys chase them and get furious and shove and squeeze them.

My boys say they never do any name calling. The "teasing" is simply raiding the fort. In fact, the squeezer has started calling one of my twins "Mr. Boob" so he is the name caller not vice versa.

Don't believe me, but honestly, my kids can be teasing but they are in no way,shape or form bullies. It is the other two boys (who are big strong kids) who are sent to the office on a regular basis for getting too physical and/or starting fights. One of my kids has never been sent to the office (he is very easy going) and the other has been sent for "class clown" behavior.

Anyhow, my position now is that my kids are the ones being bullied. They got very upset with me today for complaining to the principal and now they are downplaying how much the other kids have shoved, pushed and hurt them.

My point is - bottom line - kids should keep their hands to themselves at school and on playground. I have raised my kids right on one respect - they never physically injure anyone. Sure, they tease, but no worse than the other kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 17:49     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
OP here...it is a very small private school Other mother is an employee there. I didn't really see any other way around writing the note to both of them. i want the principal to talk to the playground monitors BUT I also wanted to let other mother know my concerns since she is at the school every day. I didn't want to just go to to other mother...She and I have talked about this issue a bit before...I wanted to tell school authorities so they monitor playground more closely and I didn't want to hide this note from other mother.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 17:19     Subject: Re:Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it's great that you are quick to defend your boys. But you need to stop for a second and LISTEN to what the other parent is saying.

Issue #1: the other boy is physically harming your sons. That needs to stop. No one is disputing this, and teasing doesn't mean your kids were asking for it.'

Issue #2: your sons are ganging up on the other boy verbally. That also needs to stop. Yes, kids are prone to tease. They would also eat nothing but chocolate, watch TV 24/7 and use nothing but profanity, if we let them. It's our job to keep them from behaving badly, and your sons are behaving badly. As an issue separate from #1, you need to deal with your sons' behavior.


As the parent of a child who was teased verbally.. this needs to stop, and it needs to stop now. Your son will recover from being scared. Some kids never recover from being "teased."

Tell your kids to knock it off.


Just remember this incident in a few years OP when some teens who aren't amused by your twins taunting start adding punches to the mix instead of just squeezes. You can pamper and enable your precious babies all you want but they're going to need to learn when to shut up eventually. Either you teach them now or someone else will.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:59     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
OP, you don't get it with the "teasing" do you? It. is. wrong. It is no better than someone getting physical with your mouthy kids BECAUSE they tease.

Tell your kids to leave the other one alone. Don't interact with him. Then the kid will have no reason to squeeze your kid.

The very fact that nobody on the playground ran for a supervisor says a lot.

"Names" DO hurt. In the year 2014 I wouldn't think that would even be a question. Nobody needs to be able to take "a little bit of teasing" just because your kids can't keep their mouths shut.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:57     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
OP, you said the other kid had some issues. Maybe the other kid is very sensitive and doesn't like being even gently teased. Maybe your DC can't tell the difference between gentle teasing and not so gentle teasing. Or maybe, your DC is stretching the truth a bit about the "gentle teasing". It's hard to tell. I know my DCs don't tell me the whole story if they think they'll get into trouble.

Tell your kid to just not say a thing to the other kids and stay away from them as much as possible.

But I hear you about the other kids physically hurting your kid. I don't know what district you are in but in most school districts there are clear rules about keeping hands to yourself. You should find out what the rules are in your district and what the consequences are, and definitely keep the communication channels open with the Principal.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:53     Subject: Re:Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:OP, it's great that you are quick to defend your boys. But you need to stop for a second and LISTEN to what the other parent is saying.

Issue #1: the other boy is physically harming your sons. That needs to stop. No one is disputing this, and teasing doesn't mean your kids were asking for it.'

Issue #2: your sons are ganging up on the other boy verbally. That also needs to stop. Yes, kids are prone to tease. They would also eat nothing but chocolate, watch TV 24/7 and use nothing but profanity, if we let them. It's our job to keep them from behaving badly, and your sons are behaving badly. As an issue separate from #1, you need to deal with your sons' behavior.


As the parent of a child who was teased verbally.. this needs to stop, and it needs to stop now. Your son will recover from being scared. Some kids never recover from being "teased."

Tell your kids to knock it off.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:50     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My small 7 year old came home from school yesterday in tears. At recess, a friend of his squeezed him around his body for a long time and he couldn't breathe and got scared. The friend also squeezed his head/neck and hurt his ears. My son's twin witnessed this. So did some other kids but no one called the playground monitor. This has happened many times over the past two years.


OP's son must be very well liked if all of the other children, including his twin, just stood around and watch him get his ass kicked.


That was my thought too. Clearly no one has his back which makes me wonder. Perhaps he runs his mouth just a tad too much and the "jokey stuff" isn't nearly as funny to others as he thinks. No, it's not right that the other kid gets physical but provoking someone often enough is going to get a reaction.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:28     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
if OP defends her twins one more time I'm calling troll.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 16:01     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
It seems like the mouthy twins, if they have in fact been told to stop the teasing, aren't getting it.

Wonder where they get that from?
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 15:47     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
Why is this such a conundrum? Tell the twins to keep their friggin mouths shut and no one will squeeze the crap out of them. Problem solved.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 15:43     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
OP, I think the other mother was being gracious. It sounds like you sent a note to the principle and the other mother (same note, right?) before contacting the other mother. Either you should have contacted the other mother first, or you should have JUST approached the school (not the principle but a teacher) and asked how to resolve the situation. But writing them both it looks like you were trying to get her in trouble, especially because it was the principle you wrote to. Had it been me, I would not have been so gracious.

Lets be charitable and say you were just trying to let her know what her DS was doing in case she didn't. Isn't that what she was doing? She said it was no excuse but you should know what your kids did. Don't you want to know what your kids did?

Maybe not, it sounds like all you care about is somehow blasting this woman and excusing your sons' behavior.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 15:37     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
- Teasing is not OK if it hurts people's feelings.
- If you tease others then no one will stick up for you when you are being teased (or getting your ass kicked).
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 15:33     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:OP here...DCUM is so weird...Why do you all think the answer to everything is - go see a counselor; go to mediation; etc etc.

Why can't people solve their own (truly simple actually) problems without talking ad nauseam to some overpriced "expert."

Yea, your kids are verbally bullying another child who makes if physical. The words are the catalyst. Im not saying touching another person is ever ok but exactly how much teasing do you think this other little boy should have to endure from your two sons? He is after all only a child too.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2014 15:25     Subject: Teasing vs. getting physical
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My small 7 year old came home from school yesterday in tears. At recess, a friend of his squeezed him around his body for a long time and he couldn't breathe and got scared. The friend also squeezed his head/neck and hurt his ears. My son's twin witnessed this. So did some other kids but no one called the playground monitor. This has happened many times over the past two years.


OP's son must be very well liked if all of the other children, including his twin, just stood around and watch him get his ass kicked.