Your basic problem is you want somebody with LD (low desire) to jump your bones.
That's like wanting somebody who doesn't care much about art to conceive/plan/execute a trip to the museum.
It's just not gonna happen!!! Or if it does, it will be rare enough to frustrate a genuine art fan.

You need to re-adjust your expectations. Discard the need for her to first show active desire for sex.
This (her desire) is not very important anyway. What IS important is that she actually has regular sex with you.
It's like the old saying: 3 frogs sit on a rock, 1 decides to jump off, how many are left? (answer: 3)

It's the having sex part that is key, not the wanting to jump your bones.

I bet your DW would not, and could not, agree to want to jump your bones.
But I also bet your DW would agree to sex twice per week (or pick a number) if YOU do the initiating.
Trust me this can work out well for both of you.
She will be jumping your bones, although the idea never even occurred to her first.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She could probably be cheating on me. I wouldn't put it past her. This is a woman who can't finish one project without getting bored. We would have half cooked meals if it wasn't for the fact that our kids need to eat. She's changed jobs and careers. SHe loses interest in hobbies at a drop of a hat. Probably sees me as just a lamp post a decoration for the house. I won't cheat because that's not my style, but I WILL go out without my ring on when I travel and flirt just to keep my tank full.

This exudes a lot of disdain for someone you supposedly want to make love with. You sure this is not coming through to her? Do you really want to stay married to someone you feel this way about?

Cater to HER, whatever she likes: maybe date nights, extra help around the house and with the kids, vacations, jewelry, telling her how much you love and admire her and how irresistible you find her.

OP here. She could probably be cheating on me. I wouldn't put it past her. This is a woman who can't finish one project without getting bored. We would have half cooked meals if it wasn't for the fact that our kids need to eat. She's changed jobs and careers. SHe loses interest in hobbies at a drop of a hat. Probably sees me as just a lamp post a decoration for the house. I won't cheat because that's not my style, but I WILL go out without my ring on when I travel and flirt just to keep my tank full.

Anonymous wrote:OP's wife has shut him out. She's checked out of the marriage. She's made them roommates. She gives OP no attention. Assuming OP's at least trying to serve her needs even at a minimum, why is OP the bad guy? Please, no man-haters need to reply.

Woman here, and I agree. Hot separated guy hit on me last night. I could tell his wife's disinterest, and eventual cheating that led to the separation, were still weighing on him. It's really hard.

OP's wife has shut him out. She's checked out of the marriage. She's made them roommates. She gives OP no attention. Assuming OP's at least trying to serve her needs even at a minimum, why is OP the bad guy? Please, no man-haters need to reply.

Great attitude OP

Anonymous wrote:OMG.. It's the same story over and over since the beginning of time. It's so boring.
One or both partners have to be selfless for a relationship to last for life. The world will not satisfy you, and you are going to die one day. Your perspective on your deathbed will be 180 degree opposite of when you are strong.

Exactly. Your DW is being selfish. Shave extra close tomorrow night. Good luck out there. You're not the bad guy OP.

Anonymous wrote:The women interested are deaf from the imaginary biological clock that is ticking.... They want your money and your sperm then they will be done with you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:^^^ and only metrosexuals and gays complain about ther wives on a moms board .

DC Urban Moms and Dads is such a weird name for a moms board.

^^^ and only metrosexuals and gays complain about ther wives on a moms board .

OMG.. It's the same story over and over since the beginning of time. It's so boring.
One or both partners have to be selfless for a relationship to last for life. The world will not satisfy you, and you are going to die one day. Your perspective on your deathbed will be 180 degree opposite of when you are strong.

Hey OP. Tell her you want to go to a marriage counselor. If she says no - cheat on her. If she's not interested, find someone who is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: 1. Tired & 2. Annoyed - Sometimes my DW will try to tell me she's not paying attention to me because she's annoyed, and my (internal) reaction is often "what's the fucking difference, if you weren't annoyed, you'd still be tired." And she wasn't annoyed or tired, she'd spend that energy and good mood doing some discretionary activity with a friend. Certainly she wouldn't seek me out to tell me that we'd hit the small & magical window when she might be affectionate toward me.

If she's in a good mood spending time with a friend, that could still mean she is annoyed with you for some reason. I can be in a good mood with other people, but not with my DH if I'm annoyed with him.

So have you asked your DW why she is tired and/or annoyed with you?

She's a big girl. She can use her words if and when she's ready.

If the wife were posting here, I'd encourage her to use her words. She's not posting here, though (or at least not that we know of), the only one here ostensibly listening to advice is the OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife takes you for granted, OP. She's bored & you're not a priority. Some PP said, "try talking to her." It's worth a shot, but, "you take me for granted. You're bored and I'm not a priority to you." isn't going to make her interested in you. Most likely, she'll give you a list of things she wants you to do to make her life easier. Then, when you do those things, she still won't want to have sex with her, because you aren't entitled to sex. Sex isn't something you trade for or earn.

If you gave her a corresponding list of things she could do for you to make your life easier, think she'd do them? Or do you think she'd laugh at you for making the suggestion?

But those women who were flirting with you would get bored too, sooner or later. Only solution is to move from one to the next or accept sexlessness for the rest of your life.

*sigh*

This would be a big communication fail. Did you never at least learn the basics of an "I feel" statement? Not to mention that presuming you know the answer is never a productive way to start a conversation. Try something more like, "It seems like we hardly ever have sex anymore, and I miss it. I feel disconnected from you, and I miss the way we used to be together." Edit this to be emotionally honest, but try to remember you're talking to someone you presumably care about. See what her answer is and respond to that, not to the dialogue you've written in your head. Find out what she thinks she needs, and consider whether you're willing to give her that. If you're not willing to work with her, or you do but you don't see her making an effort in turn, then at least you know where your marriage stands.

I've had these conversations before. I get some variation of "I don't know. I want to want to be in the mood to have sex with you, but I just never am. You're not doing anything wrong. I think you are attractive." This is followed by a week or two of awkwardness because I've drawn attention to the sexless elephant in the room of our marriage.

So, am I to understand that most women who aren't in the mood for sex have a pretty specific idea of why they aren't in the mood?

I feel like a kindergarten teacher here.

This is the point where you respond to her answer, you don't just throw your hands up and withdraw. "It sounds like this is something neither of us is thrilled with. Would you be willing to see your doctor in case there's a physiological reason you're not interested?"

If she agrees, then you know she's at least willing to work on it for your sake and the sake of the marriage. If she refuses (or says she will be never follows up), then you have a pretty glaring sign that she's not interested in changing things. At which point you could suggest marriage counseling, or decide to live with it, or decide you'd like a divorce. I'd encourage trying the first option before resorting to the second or third if you care about your marriage.