Anonymous wrote:I taught my DD to take a step forward and say loudly "you're not the boss of me/us!" and repeat as necessary.

Lol

Anonymous wrote:Anytime a post says that the OP only wants "kind and constructive comments" you know OP is nuts.

Actually, I think that OP was one step ahead of the predictable in specifically requesting that useless posts like yours be kept out. Hope you are happy in that you scared her away. By calling her crazy you were neither kind nor constructive. There are good suggestions/recommendations here from others that she may have found helpful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The second response called OP an nightmare. I would say that is mean.

Maybe, but don't you think OP is being "mean" by freaking out about this other girl on an issue that's happened for all of 3 days? Enough to post here even though the teacher and parents are supposedly already involved?

+ 2. I agree that the nightmare response was rude and uncalled for. The OP was clearly an emotional mom. Where can she freak out if not on an anonymous board? People vent about things that are less tied to your heartstrings walking around. If she didn't check back it it was probably to avoid what she felt was a ton of snark awaiting. SMH. That is the reason she asked for constructive only, because of the DCUM reputation.

Anonymous wrote:I taught my DD to take a step forward and say loudly "you're not the boss of me/us!" and repeat as necessary.

I like this!

Anonymous wrote:WOW. OP here. This board did not disappoint from what I have seen in the past. Thanks for the one constructive comment. The rest of you, your children must be gems. SO MUCH HATE. I won't be back here so you any further comments are to the cyber universe. Hope I don't know any of you in real life.

OP the first posters very often are assholes because the nice ones are busy doing other things. I'm sorry that this happened and it is certainly understandable to be frustrated by what should be a great memory for your little one becoming something that is leaving her so upset. The great thing about children is that they are tough and resilient, as long as the proper resources are looped in you can get through this. Give it a bit more time and use the opportunity as a teaching lesson for your child, that she can start the school year off right and that not everyone is nice but there are many friends and good days ahead for her.

No, I would not consider her original post to be mean. She described the other girl as a little girl, not as a mean kid. She asked for advice. Sure, she may be over-reacting, but how is she being mean?

Anonymous wrote:The second response called OP an nightmare. I would say that is mean.

Maybe, but don't you think OP is being "mean" by freaking out about this other girl on an issue that's happened for all of 3 days? Enough to post here even though the teacher and parents are supposedly already involved?

Hi OP-

I haven't read through all of the responses, but this is my take on it as the mom of a 3rd grade DD and a former school counselor.

Journal what happens (dates, time, as many details as you know).

Ask DD about her day in general. I ask DD "what was your rose and what was your thorn?"

Be careful of leading questions. Let her disclosure be somewhat organic rather than asking, "What did Larla do to you today?"

Look for the American girl book http://www.amazon.com/Stand-Yourself-Your-Friends-Bossiness/dp/1593694822. My DD dealt with this in K and this gave her tools and words to use in different situations

Email the school counselor and copy the teacher (with the basics of what's been happening). The bully may already be a frequent flier in the counselor's office.

Role play with your daughter. "What would you say if. . . "

As a counselor I would work with the teacher to find out when and what is happening and strategies to minimize contact.

Try to be patient and understanding while keeping track of what's happening. It can take a while for the bullying to subside or end. do what you can to be supportive trying not to bash the little terror.

Good luck!!

The second response called OP an nightmare. I would say that is mean.

So, because the school has parents volunteer in the first few days, that means the mean kid's behavior was somehow not so mean? Or didn't happen? I don't get it.

OP, yes, kids are mean, even in K. Some PPs have offered some good advice. I would see if you can change classrooms. This early in the year, it wouldn't be so much of a problem if there is more than one section of K. If not, then work with the teacher about classroom behavior. But remember, on the playground, the kids are not right under the nose of the teacher and bad behavior can happen there. No matter how much friendship training they get in class, the mean kids will still be mean. Even if you change classrooms, your DD will still have to deal with it on the playground. This is where you need to help your DD speak up for herself. And having some playdates is a great idea. There are lots of resources for these conversations - role-playing can help.

Your DD is fortunate that this behavior came to an adult's attention early on so she can get some support.

What I would like to know is whether the teacher and/or the other parents have had a serious talk with the mean girl about her behavior, how it is not acceptable and how the teacher will have an eye on her. How there will be consequences if she keeps it up. Why is it always the kid who is the target who has to do all the work to avoid/stand up to/deal with the mean kid?

I really haven't seen one post that is "mean". The whole scenario makes no sense and people are calling her out on the scenario, not the bullying issue. At any public school around here there is no volunteering until 2 weeks into the school system at least. This 3 day scenario where the teacher has already contacted the mom and both parents have volunteered already makes no sense.

Sorry about all the meanness OP. I hope you're still reading this because there has been some good advice, especially the immediate PP.

My DS, who also started K on Monday, has also reported some bullying-type issues but in his case it wasn't the other kindergarteners but older kids. He said a bunch of boys pushed him and cut in front of him in the lunch line and then at recess one guy took the ball he was playing with and pushed him in the mulch.

Clearly this isn't as bad as what happened to DD and we're watching this closely but luckily our DS is no shrinking violet despite his small size and seemed more annoyed and surprised by the bad behavior than seriously upset by it.

Good luck OP and I hope things improve for your daughter!

I taught my DD to take a step forward and say loudly "you're not the boss of me/us!" and repeat as necessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW. OP here. This board did not disappoint from what I have seen in the past. Thanks for the one constructive comment. The rest of you, your children must be gems. SO MUCH HATE. I won't be back here so you any further comments are to the cyber universe. Hope I don't know any of you in real life.

I hope you can't resist and come back because I'm in your corner. I would have a hard time putting up with that. If I saw this with my own eyes while volunteering, i would say something directly to the little girl doing the bullying. You don't want this to be a an established pattern.

Then talk to your dd at home about how some people are not very nice, life's too short to be too upset by it, she's probably been mean to a lot of other kids before you, her parents aren't teaching her to be nice but we value that so don't be mean back, etc.

Good luck. Sounds painful.

Me, too, OP. I feel like crying after reading this, since I have DD kindergartener. Can you talk to the principal and ask to switch classes? Can you set up play dates with other girls in the class so your DD can build strong friendships and have allies? Can you intervene when you see it and remind the other girl about being nice and not excluding people, etc.? Don't let this go, for your DDs sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW. OP here. This board did not disappoint from what I have seen in the past. Thanks for the one constructive comment. The rest of you, your children must be gems. SO MUCH HATE. I won't be back here so you any further comments are to the cyber universe. Hope I don't know any of you in real life.

9:50 am-- OP posts.
10:00 am -- OP flounces off.

OP's pace of life is very fast.

Obviously, since it is the 4th day of school today and she has already observed bullying, been approached by the teacher, had a meeting about it, contacted the other child's parents, etc.

Don't forget, volunteered at the school (both her and her husband) in the first three days.

Do you have an older child at the school OP?

If this is your first, then none of this makes any sense whatsoever in a three day span. I really hope you are just trolling. If you are not, then you are at the wrong school. I would not think much of a school that has first time kindergarten parents volunteering and working with the kids on the first three days. They have too much else going on adjusting to their kid being in school to be focused on anything else.

Yeah something is off. Either this post is fake or this family is way too invested in their kid's experience, though I hope the bullying scenario is fake.