I just ready your latest update. Your inlaws may be fabulous grandparents when the kids get older. Lots of people don't know how to interact with babies/toddlers. I know I'm not great at it and I find it much easier since my kids have gotten older.

Just a thought.

Well, I did what you did a few years ago and it went over like a lead balloon and my inlaws never got past it.

Sadly some folks just don't "get it."

I have the "hands-off" in-law grandparents too. MIL is remarried and StepFIL clearly couldn't care less. 2-hour dinners at The Club, glass breakables everywhere. No toys at all - must bring own supply. Fox News turned up full blast ALL DAY LONG. So my DC are inundated with all the murders, etc that I try to shield them from. The Batman movie shooting happened during one visit and my DS was so scared.

Here's the kicker - she actually owns the sign that reads: 'Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten.' I think I might win the MIL booby prize for her!

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the advice!

This is how the planning process went last year.

"Hey Inlaws! I saw there is an amazing playground right by your house! Maybe we can take Toddler in the morning while you're getting ready!"

"Thanks for the suggestion, but I've planned the day already. It's a surprise."

"Um, great! You sure you don't want any help? I know how busy you are"

"No it's been decided."

Then the day is chockablock with bullshit like seeing the modern art museum, and then going to a fancy restaurant with no kids menu.

The last time they were here my husband interceded and they went to a playground. My MIL came back dramatically and said "NEVER AGAIN!!!" I asked why and she started on a litany of complaints that basically boiled down to the fact that she found the playground and my kids boring.

I really don't even know why they bother pretending like they want to see us so badly. I am wondering now as I type this if they know we don't want to see them, so they avoid a visit altogether?

OP

I feel your pain. My in-laws live in Miami and love fancy two hour dinners at the Delano. Plus they eat at 8:00 PM. They wonder why we do not visit.

I agree with saying holidays are at home, at least until they outgrow Santa, in which they should be old enough to behave themselves. My parents live out of state and hate to travel
Over the holidays. They sometimes come before, but have not been here for an actual holiday. They always offer to fly us to their house, but don't really expect us to take them up on it. If they don't like holiday travel for two adults, they know it won't be easy with two kids.

If it is your money, your vacation time, and your children- you get to set the rules.

Anonymous wrote:Could they meet you on your preferred getaway vacation? And I'm not sure how much relaxing on a beach you get to do when you have a toddler.

You're 100% right that it will be less-than-relaxing with a baby & toddler. I wouldn't mind it if they came either, and will definitely consider inviting them. As I mentioned, I do love them deeply and vice-versa. But I can't count on their help at all. The last time we went to the beach, they ROUTINELY did stupid things. It was even more stressful than usual. My DH asked them to watch the toddler as we went into the ocean for a minute. I kept an eye on my son since something in my gut told me to give them a "trial period" before I entrusted my son to their care.

Yeah they TURNED THEIR BACKS on my 18 month old (at the time) while he entered the somewhat turbulent surf. I CHARGED out of the water looking very much like a hippo (I was pregnant) or something and grabbed him. They couldn't understand that he couldn't be left alone for a second. My husband tried again (and of course I also had an eye on him), and my inlaws WANDERED AWAY. Literally walked off, leaving my son playing in the sand. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that you need to watch a kid like a hawk normally. But it was the beach! And our son is a runner who loves water but can't swim. But they went off on a hike in the cliffs. When they came back my DH yelled at them, and they responded with "But I thought he seemed happy playing there in the sand?"

I still wonder how DH and his siblings made it to adulthood.

op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you stay in a hotel near them? "Hey MIL, we're going to the water park in the morning. Would you like to join us at the diner for dinner?" "We are going to the children's museum after the nap and thought it would be fun to all go together" "Oh, you already planned on the art museum? DH will gladly join you while DS and I stop by the library"

Though, DH should do most of the talking...

Where they live hotels are extremely expensive. We would have to be about 30 minutes away for us to even get a basic hotel. Plus, they would be really, deeply insulted. We once did this when my SIL was married and their house was full. MIL and FIL were really upset, but we of course, thought we were doing them a favor. I had no idea it meant so much to them, but we didn't have any kids and thought that other people could use the house. IF I stayed in a hotel with their grandchildren, that would really upset them.

I think they're very image conscious, so they really like NEED us to be there as a group. But really, it's so unfair to the kids when they're forced into adult activities and made to feel as if they're boring everyone.

This is OP btw.