PP here. I have to add, it is apparent from MIL's crappy attitude that FIL treated her like she was a second class citizen -no birthday or Christmas presents...nothing.

It would have been important to find out this kind of information well before instead of well after. But the ILs are not the type to be candid, it is very much a one way relationship. They want to know all about you, and they want you to know nothing about them. It's kind of awful. But when you find out why, its no wonder, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is also a completely different person at his parents house, or was. I noticed it early on and we had a discussion about it. The following visit I was pointing out everything we discussed the moment it happened (very frequent some of the things) and he realized exactly how different he acted. Fast forward 3 years and he's now great at his parents home!

I commend you. Is that all you had to do? You have a special DH, to listen and take your feelings into consideration so well. My DH came from a real a-hole family, and they don't listen, period. So basically, it sucks.

The problem is, DH is as book smart as his dad, but as socially astute as his mom - which means in the negative numbers. Zero common sense or attentiveness. Think DH who goes to the mall and tries to buy kiosk specials at a discount for his DW every. Christmas. Eve. Yeah, its exhausting, and its a slap in the face. But I would rather have that than have him act like his family with the rest of his behaviors. Therapists can't get through to him. He's dense. It sucks.

My DH is also a completely different person at his parents house, or was. I noticed it early on and we had a discussion about it. The following visit I was pointing out everything we discussed the moment it happened (very frequent some of the things) and he realized exactly how different he acted. Fast forward 3 years and he's now great at his parents home!