Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are acting as though telling your partner what you want sexually is some ownerous burden.

I mean, if you explain that you want X, and he refuses to do it, then I totally understand. But, if someone is "coacheable," and you like them otherwise, then why not give them a chance?

Good lord, some of you seem very shallow.

All the instruction in the world isn't going to fix a lack of sexual chemistry. Some people just aren't a sexual match. Why try to force it or mold someone into something they're not?

Do you can come onto DCUM one day and bitch about your sexless marriage and ponder anonymously that your partner should accept an open relationship or how it is justifiable to visit prostitutes? Seems valid to me.

I guess it depends on whether it's an issue of skill/experience, attitude or chemistry.

The first one can be addressed. The latter two can't.

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are acting as though telling your partner what you want sexually is some ownerous burden.

I mean, if you explain that you want X, and he refuses to do it, then I totally understand. But, if someone is "coacheable," and you like them otherwise, then why not give them a chance?

Good lord, some of you seem very shallow.

All the instruction in the world isn't going to fix a lack of sexual chemistry. Some people just aren't a sexual match. Why try to force it or mold someone into something they're not?

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are acting as though telling your partner what you want sexually is some ownerous burden.

I mean, if you explain that you want X, and he refuses to do it, then I totally understand. But, if someone is "coacheable," and you like them otherwise, then why not give them a chance?

Good lord, some of you seem very shallow.

Nope. Just good at not wasting people's time. If there's no sexual chemistry, there's no reason to move forward. There are billions of men and women on the planet. No need to settle. This is the beauty of getting older. Perspective.

I think a lot of guys are projecting about the fact that a lot of women are very passive in the bedroom.

I think it's:
1) Less common for women to take the lead in sexual encounters;
2) Somewhat less common for a woman to speak up about what she wants;
3) More common for what a woman wants out of sex to be more nuanced and subtle; and
4) More common for a woman to complaint about a man not being good at sex.

Not sure how many, if any, of these factors apply in OP's situation.

Some of you are acting as though telling your partner what you want sexually is some ownerous burden.

I mean, if you explain that you want X, and he refuses to do it, then I totally understand. But, if someone is "coacheable," and you like them otherwise, then why not give them a chance?

Good lord, some of you seem very shallow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always the man's fault?

It could just be an issue of incompatibility. It didn't have to be someone's fault.

The laziness is what's most bothersome. "He sucks in bed. Should I dump him?" Is the essence of the post.

Disagree completely. I'm a man, and I think it's a perfectly reasonable question. I've learned the hard way (a couple of times) that trying to make a relationship where the intimacy is bad is just a recipe for agony. It's not lazy, it's called "not wasting either of their time".

I do say give it a couple of tries, but if it's bad more than 2x, forget it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying is you should live with bad sex.

What I don't understand is meeting a guy that you are starting to like, having bad sex with him and then dumping him. Why not try to coach him up? He may simply not know any better. Do you think he is incapable of learning? He may have had previous lovers who didn't know what they were doing either, so he never learned.

It just just seems very shortsighted.

At 25, sure. At 45, no.

Why not?

why bother?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying is you should live with bad sex.

What I don't understand is meeting a guy that you are starting to like, having bad sex with him and then dumping him. Why not try to coach him up? He may simply not know any better. Do you think he is incapable of learning? He may have had previous lovers who didn't know what they were doing either, so he never learned.

It just just seems very shortsighted.

At 25, sure. At 45, no.

Why not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always the man's fault?

It could just be an issue of incompatibility. It didn't have to be someone's fault.

The laziness is what's most bothersome. "He sucks in bed. Should I dump him?" Is the essence of the post.

I didn't see that as lazy. She sounded disappointed and not sure how to proceed. I can understand that. Why would anyone want to get into an LTR with someone they don't have sexual chemistry with? This is why sex before marriage is a good idea.

OP, DH and I met just before our 30s so both of us had a fair amount of experience. First time he was nervous and I felt like I was with a robot. Second time, we were both slightly uptight, he cracked a few jokes, and it was great bring together.

We both knew when we met that there was alot of potential but that also brought pressure. If you like him, see what happens. What do you have to lose?

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying is you should live with bad sex.

What I don't understand is meeting a guy that you are starting to like, having bad sex with him and then dumping him. Why not try to coach him up? He may simply not know any better. Do you think he is incapable of learning? He may have had previous lovers who didn't know what they were doing either, so he never learned.

It just just seems very shortsighted.

At 25, sure. At 45, no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so much for spending time getting to know each other sexually and just enjoying the process. Damn.

As Chris Rock says, one strike and your're out with today's hyper entitled women.

After a decade of bad sex in my marriage, you're damn right that I am entitled to good sex.

It takes two to tango.

Problem was that I was tangoing and he was holding up the wall.

New tango partner is amazing.

If you just lie there doing nothing and expect great sex, not gonna happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so much for spending time getting to know each other sexually and just enjoying the process. Damn.

As Chris Rock says, one strike and your're out with today's hyper entitled women.

After a decade of bad sex in my marriage, you're damn right that I am entitled to good sex.

It takes two to tango.

New poster here...then why is the sex with the FWB so amazing?