Anonymous
Post 08/11/2014 14:08     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
It's almost worse when you're married to a generally kind and loving person and they admit when they have negative feelings toward you. DH admitted to me that he was less attracted to me after I gained weight and stopped getting Brazilians. I had prodded him to admit this, but it was still really hurtful.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2014 13:53     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
"If I knew this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you"
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2014 13:42     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:In 25 years, I have never heard my DH swear. He just doesn't. He has never called me a "name" or anyone else. His parents never swore, and his siblings don't either.

I myself don't swear, and neither do my parents who have been married 50 years. My siblings don't either.

Swearing and name-calling are learned behaviors. If you grew up with it, and do it yourself, I can see how you might marry someone who does this because it seems "normal."

Otherwise, how could you allow yourself to be in a relationship like this?

You had something of a role in allowing yourself to be called these names because the very first time it happened, you did not say to your spouse "NEVER AGAIN" and mean it. The second time it happened, you did not leave the relationship.

I would expect my young adult children to not stand for this in their relationships. It is not part of our family culture and they would be shocked to be called a name by someone they love.

To those who are dating and not yet married, DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO SWEAR AT OTHER PEOPLE. THEY WILL SWEAR AT YOU.

To those who are married, DO NOT ALLOW THIS. You have consented to it, in some way or another, by staying. LEAVE IF PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THIS. Period.


13:47 again. You hit the nail on the head right here. I thought it was normal. I don't anymore.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 16:18     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.


DH and I have never said cruel things to each other. Been together 17 years. We can be angry and still responsible for our words and actions.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 15:25     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.


I may have told him to stop acting like a jerk, but no, never anything like this! Holy shit. Sad.


I purposely don't name call or say irretrievably bad things during arguments. I say them all I want in my head but as posters have shown, people won't forget ugly stuff you say to them. You won't be able to fix some things you say. I try to fight fair.

My husband has never said anything as hurtful as these but he has on occasion accused me of having qualities that he told me he disliked about his ex and that stings. For instance, they had a sexless marriage the last 7 years. If I go a few days without initiating, he will occasionally say something like "So you don't like having sex anymore." Which isn't true at all. I feel like my actions get a lot of unfair and misplaced judgment just because SHE used to do certain things in the past. It's never a direct comparison like "Jane used to do that too and I hated it" but that's the subtext and it stings.


I know everyone is different, but this is shit I couldn't put up with. Passive aggression for me is worse than straight out aggression like name calling. At least stuff is fully out there for the couple to do with, unlike this crap.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 15:17     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.


I may have told him to stop acting like a jerk, but no, never anything like this! Holy shit. Sad.


I purposely don't name call or say irretrievably bad things during arguments. I say them all I want in my head but as posters have shown, people won't forget ugly stuff you say to them. You won't be able to fix some things you say. I try to fight fair.

My husband has never said anything as hurtful as these but he has on occasion accused me of having qualities that he told me he disliked about his ex and that stings. For instance, they had a sexless marriage the last 7 years. If I go a few days without initiating, he will occasionally say something like "So you don't like having sex anymore." Which isn't true at all. I feel like my actions get a lot of unfair and misplaced judgment just because SHE used to do certain things in the past. It's never a direct comparison like "Jane used to do that too and I hated it" but that's the subtext and it stings.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 15:02     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.


I may have told him to stop acting like a jerk, but no, never anything like this! Holy shit. Sad.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 15:01     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:I was a week late on my period with my college boyfriend. When I told him I thought I might be pregnant, he asked if I wanted him to push me down the stairs to get rid of it. My period started a day later, and we broke up a few months later. That really showed me who he was!


You waited a few months to break up with him?
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 15:00     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
I was a week late on my period with my college boyfriend. When I told him I thought I might be pregnant, he asked if I wanted him to push me down the stairs to get rid of it. My period started a day later, and we broke up a few months later. That really showed me who he was!
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 14:52     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 14:50     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
You may paint your world however you wish.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 14:46     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I think that after 14 years with him I'm probably a better judge of that than you are.


I'm a guy. It only shows you have consistently poor judgment and it hasn't improved in 14 years. I've never told a loved one to "get off her fat ass" and I never will. Amazing what some people will put up with.


My judgement is "consistently poor" because of... what, exactly? Because I think my husband is a good and loving person despite the fact that he's said maybe 5 or so truly mean things to me, in the heat of anger, in 14 years? Because I didn't divorce him over it? And who says I "put up with it"? I packed a bag and walked out the door that night (which was a childish thing for me to do, but I was hurt and emotional and wasn't going to keep arguing and say things that *I* would regret later). He called while I was driving to my parents home, apologized, asked me to come home, and I did.

I'm sure you've never said an unkind thing to anyone you cared about, ever. And I'm sure your wife would tell us you have no character flaws at all.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 14:32     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
My daughter's dad told me I was crazy and stupid when he knocked me up and I decided not to terminate the pregnancy.

We eventually got past it, but it really pissed me off. I am neither crazy nor stupid, and deciding to continue an accidental pregnancy at the age of 36 does not magically make one either of those things.

Another ex told me - when I told him I was a runner - "you're not a runner. Runners have skinny little legs." (I have powerful legs that are not skinny.) I used that little gem to fuel an excellent Marine corps marathon (he was a marine) and to Boston-qualify in my 2nd marathon. but of course I'm not really a runner.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 13:39     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
That I'm a miserable bitch who has no capacity to feel happiness. It stung but only because it is true to some extent - I wallow and can't let things go.
Anonymous
Post 08/10/2014 13:19     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm on my second marriage and whenever we have a bad argument, DH says that I have too failed marriages and am therefore the common denominator in both.


Next time say, "You're right. I keep choosing assholes." Which is probably true.


Yes, that's pretty brutal. Second poster is right on the money, too.