Anonymous
07/27/2014 22:10
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been in this situation. My father left more to one child than the others, and I was in the group that got less. All of us are roughly equally well off. No one is rich but we are all comfortable.
It stung being given half of what the favored sibling got. In my case, it really and truly was not about the money. When you find this out, you are grieving the loss of a loved one, and the inequity gets intertwined with the grief. When you're grieving you're not thinking rationally. It's a very emotional time, and inequity hurts. It takes you back to when you were a kid and so and so got treated better as the favorite.
Once I got past the intense grieving, the distribution hasn't bothered me. It's just not worth worrying about and there's nothing I can do about it so I don't even give it any thought anymore.
Do you have any sense of why your father did this? Sounds so painful.
yes, PP. i would like to hear your story if you feel like you can share. i suspect i will be in the same boat one day based on how i've been treated in comparison with my siblings. i am preparing myself for the feelings you describe because relationships mean more than money, so i know i must find peace. however, the pain of being the "unfavored" kid is hard to stomach. how did you work through the reminder of these painful memories?
Anonymous
07/27/2014 22:00
Subject: Re:Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
My husband's SIL has done something similar vis - a - vis her brother and she told my DH about it. Something about a weekend house and she told her dad that she wants the money and he should leave the house to the son. I guess years ago she tried to talk the parents into buying a weekend house closer to her, so her family could use it. The parents are comfortable, but not loaded and declined to do it. Since she chooses never to go there in the summer and her brother does, she told the dad that she wants the money. DH couldn't believe what he was hearing - I don't know her well but was not surprised.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 21:54
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Anonymous wrote:I've been in this situation. My father left more to one child than the others, and I was in the group that got less. All of us are roughly equally well off. No one is rich but we are all comfortable.
It stung being given half of what the favored sibling got. In my case, it really and truly was not about the money. When you find this out, you are grieving the loss of a loved one, and the inequity gets intertwined with the grief. When you're grieving you're not thinking rationally. It's a very emotional time, and inequity hurts. It takes you back to when you were a kid and so and so got treated better as the favorite.
Once I got past the intense grieving, the distribution hasn't bothered me. It's just not worth worrying about and there's nothing I can do about it so I don't even give it any thought anymore.
Do you have any sense of why your father did this? Sounds so painful.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 21:31
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Anonymous wrote:For the love of god I don’t want anything. I tell my mother to spend her money, travel and enjoy her retirement.
Agreed. It's that person's money, and not anyone else's business how they spend it/ leave it.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 20:38
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
I've been in this situation. My father left more to one child than the others, and I was in the group that got less. All of us are roughly equally well off. No one is rich but we are all comfortable.
It stung being given half of what the favored sibling got. In my case, it really and truly was not about the money. When you find this out, you are grieving the loss of a loved one, and the inequity gets intertwined with the grief. When you're grieving you're not thinking rationally. It's a very emotional time, and inequity hurts. It takes you back to when you were a kid and so and so got treated better as the favorite.
Once I got past the intense grieving, the distribution hasn't bothered me. It's just not worth worrying about and there's nothing I can do about it so I don't even give it any thought anymore.
It stung being given half of what the favored sibling got. In my case, it really and truly was not about the money. When you find this out, you are grieving the loss of a loved one, and the inequity gets intertwined with the grief. When you're grieving you're not thinking rationally. It's a very emotional time, and inequity hurts. It takes you back to when you were a kid and so and so got treated better as the favorite.
Once I got past the intense grieving, the distribution hasn't bothered me. It's just not worth worrying about and there's nothing I can do about it so I don't even give it any thought anymore.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 20:20
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Anonymous wrote:If my parents left me more money, I would redistribute it to my sibs evenly. A relationship with my sibs is worth more than $$$
I've done both actually.
When my dad died, I received twice as much as my two brothers. I redistributed it so that we were even. It was a decent size estate, but not millions.
When my mom died, my youngest brother was in a world of trouble (unemployed, chronic sickness). My other brother and I redistributed her smallish estate so that youngest brother got 80% of it. He needed it.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 19:54
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.
Your inability to write in standard English makes it hard to understand what you're saying, but it seems to me like the sibling who did the most at the end is getting the larger inheritance, right?
Anonymous
07/27/2014 19:49
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
MYOB.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 13:01
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
My inlaws have split their estate 50/50.
However, I always tell my husband that his sister deserves more as she has lived in the same city with them and has taken care of them, not just the big stuff but the daily grind. While my husband has lived in another state his entire adult life and only goes home maybe once/year.
She deserves more in my opinion.
I share my opinion only with him because quite frankly, none of that is my business.
No inheritances on my side, but if there were I would be fine with my siblings who live closer and who maintain a real relationship with my dad receiving more or all of what is there to give.
However, I always tell my husband that his sister deserves more as she has lived in the same city with them and has taken care of them, not just the big stuff but the daily grind. While my husband has lived in another state his entire adult life and only goes home maybe once/year.
She deserves more in my opinion.
I share my opinion only with him because quite frankly, none of that is my business.
No inheritances on my side, but if there were I would be fine with my siblings who live closer and who maintain a real relationship with my dad receiving more or all of what is there to give.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 12:56
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
If my parents left me more money, I would redistribute it to my sibs evenly. A relationship with my sibs is worth more than $$$
Anonymous
07/27/2014 12:53
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
We had that in my family. My great aunt's will (no kids) passed the money onto her siblings (and there heirs) based on the impact they had on her life....My aunt was a survivor of Polio, and was disabled. When her mother died, my grandmother took her in. So, my grandmother (or her heirs) inherited 1/2 the estate. Her other sister, who lived locally and helped her after my grandmother died got 30%, and her brother got 20%.
Of the surviving heirs, only one had a big problem, upon hearing the logic...she contested the will. It turns out she was also stealing from my aunt -- the executor figured that out.
Of the surviving heirs, only one had a big problem, upon hearing the logic...she contested the will. It turns out she was also stealing from my aunt -- the executor figured that out.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 12:52
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
So my grandmother has no money, but one cousin has done the lion's share of caretaking for her and moved her close by so she could see her more often. If my grandmother did have money, I would absolutely expect her to leave it all to my cousin -- even though my cousin is quite well off. I would be mortified if she did not.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 12:40
Subject: Re:Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
Favoritism in a will creates bad feeling in the family, no matter what. The parents think "oh this one is doing better, so I will cut them out" That makes the one cut out feel that they are not appreciated for their success in life. Then the one who needs it the most feels like "mom and dad should have helped Me, me me more" It does not lead to family unity.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 12:15
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
I'm unclear as to whether the parent is deceased or not, but I know talking about divisions of wealth before the fact is a terrible mistake.
It can divide families, stifle ambitions, and have the unintended consequence of causing family members to look forward to the deaths of others.
Estates should be managed by the living and inheritances should not be discussed until the wills have been read.
It can divide families, stifle ambitions, and have the unintended consequence of causing family members to look forward to the deaths of others.
Estates should be managed by the living and inheritances should not be discussed until the wills have been read.
Anonymous
07/27/2014 11:46
Subject: Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?
I wouldn't care. One of my sibs and I are very well off while another sib can really use the money for his family. I know my parents will leave most of the estate to my brother with my other brother and I getting nothing except for some sentimental family mementoes. That's fine with me.