Anonymous wrote:I am also a single mom. I unfortunately allowed the baby to be given the father's last name at birth. Father eventually moved on with his life, and while I adore my daughter and love the love we've built, always regretted her last name. When she was ten she asked if we could change it. It took a lawyer, a couple of hearings and lots of trouble - but she now has my last name. I didn't realize until the paperwork came through how much it meant to me that my child has my last name. I have raised her, I love her more than I could every have imagined, we are family.

All I mean to say is that you're super smart to have given your child your last name, and I think that you 100% should keep it that way. You sound far more invested and engaged as a parent, and you and your child should keep that tie forever.

I was raised by a single mom and have her "maiden" name, even though I am now married (I am last of that name). When my parents worked out their support strategy, the well meaning state of Virginia changed my name for me to my father's, but did not tell me. I had to find out when I applied for a passport and then had to go to court with a lawyer to correct Virginia's "clerical error". I fully support you giving your child your name, though keep an eye on the paperwork!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as the last name you gave your child is your maiden name and not from another marriage, keep it.

Here is what OP said: "We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name." I don't see anything in there about a "maiden name". What I see is that OP's last name is OP's last name.

You're purposely being confusing just to be a jerk, correct? By "maiden name" I meant the name the woman was named at birth. If the woman was married, changed her name, got divorced but didn't change her name back to her birth last name, THEN got pregnant by a different man (not her ex-husband whom she still shares a name with) then she shouldn't, in my opinion, give her son her current last name...because that would mean her son would have the family name of his mom's ex-husband. Does this make sense to you?? Do you understand why this would be strange? This is all hypothetical because she probably DID INDEED GIVE HER SON HER MAIDEN NAME!!

For your information:

Maiden name = birth name. It can also mean the name you had before you got married. Your sentence "What I see is that OP's last name is OP's Last name" does not make any sense AT ALL.

If you mean birth name, then it helps to avoid confusion by saying "birth name".

For example, my husband has had the same last name his whole life. Is that his last name, his birth name, or his maiden name?

Forcing him to start a new family?!

That line right there is a clear attempt at manipulation OP. Clear as day.

Do not fall for it.

And do not do anything based on manipulation.

Simple as that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as the last name you gave your child is your maiden name and not from another marriage, keep it.

Here is what OP said: "We had some major hurdles during my pregnancy and I decided to give him my last name." I don't see anything in there about a "maiden name". What I see is that OP's last name is OP's last name.

You're purposely being confusing just to be a jerk, correct? By "maiden name" I meant the name the woman was named at birth. If the woman was married, changed her name, got divorced but didn't change her name back to her birth last name, THEN got pregnant by a different man (not her ex-husband whom she still shares a name with) then she shouldn't, in my opinion, give her son her current last name...because that would mean her son would have the family name of his mom's ex-husband. Does this make sense to you?? Do you understand why this would be strange? This is all hypothetical because she probably DID INDEED GIVE HER SON HER MAIDEN NAME!!

For your information:

Maiden name = birth name. It can also mean the name you had before you got married. Your sentence "What I see is that OP's last name is OP's Last name" does not make any sense AT ALL.

OP, for all the reasons previously stated in this thread, I agree 100% that your son should keep your last name.

My husband was given his biological father's last name. MIL and DH's bio father were married for a few years, but bio father has not been in DH's life in any meaningful way since he was 6 years old, and DH has neither seen nor spoken to him in about 20 years. DH has always wished that he did not have his bio father's name, and considered legally changing it before we married. I now have DH's last name, as does our son; and when the issue of the name comes up I tell DH that this name belongs to OUR family now, the one he and I have created, and it has nothing to do with his biological father anymore. I like our name, and I am proud of our strong little family. You and your son are your own little family unit too, and someday he will also be proud to share his name with his mom, the most important person in his world.

We hyphenate the kids' last names. I kept mine, my husband kept his. DH wasn't so keen on it at first, but I was equally un-keen on not having my name represented.

If da-da wasn't in the picture as a true caring, involved (not just $) father, I'm not sure I'd feel so warmly to sharing the last name with him, to be honest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just as a data point, I am a woman and my son carries my last name. I am married to his father and we were married before he was conceived. We just both like my last name better. He carries his dad's last name as a second middle name (at my insistence; I think keeping both names is a nice part of his joint heritage). It means a lot to me to see that my son has the last name that I love and am proud to have.

The petulant child of a sperm donor who helped to conceive your son has no legitimate claim to having your son carry his last name forward. You and your son are a family and should share your last name.

My DH and I also decided to give our DS and DD my last name because we like mine better (DH's is a common name but just begs for teasing -- think "Blackhead"). We did not incorporate DH's let name at all because it was his a-hat bio father's. Instead, we named our son after DH's beloved step father. DH and I love our kids' names and he does not feel less their father because they don't share a name. He is a fantastic father who provides a ton of fun and tedious care for them (zoo outings and daycare pickup). DH doesn't care what other people assume about our family based on names --he knows that the only people who matter are our kids, who know he is their dad in every way that matters.

Our kids have my husband's last name but he made it clear that he was perfectly fine using my last name. I ultimately decided that his name is easier for a variety of reasons but it was never just assumed that the kids would have his name. I really don't understand why this isn't more of a conversation with couples today.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just as a data point, I am a woman and my son carries my last name. I am married to his father and we were married before he was conceived. We just both like my last name better. He carries his dad's last name as a second middle name (at my insistence; I think keeping both names is a nice part of his joint heritage). It means a lot to me to see that my son has the last name that I love and am proud to have.

The petulant child of a sperm donor who helped to conceive your son has no legitimate claim to having your son carry his last name forward. You and your son are a family and should share your last name.

My DH and I also decided to give our DS and DD my last name because we like mine better (DH's is a common name but just begs for teasing -- think "Blackhead"). We did not incorporate DH's let name at all because it was his a-hat bio father's. Instead, we named our son after DH's beloved step father. DH and I love our kids' names and he does not feel less their father because they don't share a name. He is a fantastic father who provides a ton of fun and tedious care for them (zoo outings and daycare pickup). DH doesn't care what other people assume about our family based on names --he knows that the only people who matter are our kids, who know he is their dad in every way that matters.

Anonymous wrote:Let child have both names (no hyphen as a last name). That is crappy to expect him to pay support but not have the child have his last name too.

Reading comprehension is not your forte, is it? From the OP:

Anonymous wrote:Son has dad's last name as his middle name.

So the son does have bothnames with no hyphen. His father's name is his middle name.

Anonymous wrote:Let child have both names (no hyphen as a last name). That is crappy to expect him to pay support but not have the child have his last name too.

How do you feel about women paying child support for their children who have their fathers' last name? Or is that different?

OP, just as a data point, I am a woman and my son carries my last name. I am married to his father and we were married before he was conceived. We just both like my last name better. He carries his dad's last name as a second middle name (at my insistence; I think keeping both names is a nice part of his joint heritage). It means a lot to me to see that my son has the last name that I love and am proud to have.

The petulant child of a sperm donor who helped to conceive your son has no legitimate claim to having your son carry his last name forward. You and your son are a family and should share your last name.

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.

Oh. My. God.

Anonymous wrote:Let child have both names (no hyphen as a last name). That is crappy to expect him to pay support but not have the child have his last name too.

Is it crappy that most children of most mothers don't carry their mother's last name, and therefore the mothers shouldn't be expected to support them? How ridiculous. Both parents provide support regardless of which parent's last name gets given to the child.