Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Money

Man detected.

LOL

Toss up for me, loyalty and humor, love a person who can make me laugh

Integrity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some good traits have correlated bad traits.

A kind gentle man may not have the ruthlessness and killer ambition needed to be very financially successful. The lack of competitiveness might be a part of what makes him kind.

Completely disagree. Kindness does not equal lack of competitiveness. One can be competitive but ethical, moral, and kind. My exceptionally kind husband is a top-notch attorney, has worked a grueling political campaign, and does very well for himself and our family in every sense. When we first met he was (and is) so nice that I thought something similar to you - then I saw him in court. He has an approach that is very matter-of-fact but not in your face and he uses this to his advantage. He is a quiet pirana. People don't expect what comes out of his mouth because the delivery is so cool, calm, and collected. It's awesome.

Touché ! You took the words out my mouth...except the part about your DH.

Resilience. All other good qualities come from this one.

Anonymous wrote:Unless the man has had the luxury of being born into a privileged back round and therefore feels secure about their place in the world - if they are ambitious, they have become successful through grit, determination and valuing strength over emotions. Thus kindness is not a cultivated trait.

I think every women would like a (at least) moderately successful man who hasn't had to be an @aahole to get there.

+1

Poor guys who got rich usually had to break a few eggs to get there. Either that, or they just get lucky and are born with some kind of prodigious talent, like a rock star.

If the sex is bad, with an otherwise desirable man, do you try to "coach him up," or do you just assume that he is hopeless and move on?

Sadly, I think a lot of women are the latter. It takes some practice and know-how to get good in the sack.

Unless the man has had the luxury of being born into a privileged back round and therefore feels secure about their place in the world - if they are ambitious, they have become successful through grit, determination and valuing strength over emotions. Thus kindness is not a cultivated trait.

I think every women would like a (at least) moderately successful man who hasn't had to be an @aahole to get there.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

And that's where it gets complicated. Men and women are willing to forego sexual compatibility because they found "other qualities" they deem good for a spouse.

This retarded line of thinking is why men think there's the woman you date and the woman you marry.
This retarded line of thinking is why women say they want a nice guy but still lust after the "bad boy."

So, when you talk about what makes a great husband, besides personality traits, you best include sexual things that are important to YOU, lest you become another DCUM statistic: "My husband/wife won't go down on me..." (Pick whichever sexual act you prefer and you get the idea).

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

I'm the "emotional work" PP. look at the bad sex in this light: is he willing to improve? Can he take suggestions?

What about the rest of the package?

Do you plan on kids? Would he make a good father?

Anonymous wrote:I think some good traits have correlated bad traits.

A kind gentle man may not have the ruthlessness and killer ambition needed to be very financially successful. The lack of competitiveness might be a part of what makes him kind.

Completely disagree. Kindness does not equal lack of competitiveness. One can be competitive but ethical, moral, and kind. My exceptionally kind husband is a top-notch attorney, has worked a grueling political campaign, and does very well for himself and our family in every sense. When we first met he was (and is) so nice that I thought something similar to you - then I saw him in court. He has an approach that is very matter-of-fact but not in your face and he uses this to his advantage. He is a quiet pirana. People don't expect what comes out of his mouth because the delivery is so cool, calm, and collected. It's awesome.

OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

Virility without a doubt

kindness.

then empathy and honesty

Loyalty.

The guys who were close to and loyal to their parents and siblings ended up being similarly close to and loyal to their spouses. There may be an element of kindness in this because I notice the loyalty when it is needed most (ie when they are there to support a family member going through a tough time, maybe scheduling time to go work on the parent's house or accompanying a family member to a funeral). I'm not sure if loyalty is really the right word, but it is how I see it (ie: kindness to family).