Anonymous wrote:

FWIW, her friends' mothers also lament that their daughters want to wear bikinis and comment that they wish their daughters had the confidence that mine does. Yes. I think wearing a bikini at 8 or 12 is inappropriate. I'm sure I've stated my opinion at some point, so my daughter is aware of my feelings about it but I'm not judge-y and don't harp on it. If my daughter wanted to wear one, we'd discuss why and I'd consider her opinion. My point is that I'm thankful that it's not an issue.

I guess for all the parents whose daughters "like bikinis" I'd suggest talking about what it is that they like about them. And it might be a good idea to let them know how people might view them when they wear a bikini- sexy, confident, over-sexualized, cool, fashionable, insecure- both positives and negatives. There a messages being sent and it's good to think about what they are.

There are lots of things I would like teenage girls to talk about more. What other people may or may not think about their clothing choices is not one of them. I think that that topic already gets far too much attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Go ahead and mock it; I personally think there is value in modesty. I get it, we have entire generations of women in this country that believe that walking around in your underwear (essentially) somehow makes girls feel confident, love their bodies, and plus....don't they look sooo cute?!! But me, I think it just makes boys and girls draw more sexual attention to their bodies, think about sex more, and ultimately have sex more. Something that I think there is value in delaying until kids are actually adults. No, I am not interested in my kids wearing dresses and long leggings to swim in, but let me ask you this: do you think the girls who use ultra-modest swimwear are feeling really sexy in their dresses and leggings? Do you think boys are viewing them as girls who might be easy to have sex with? Do you think older men are staring at their butts and boobs? Do you think they believe their sexiness is equal to confidence and attractiveness?

We have entire generations of women in this country who think that there are more important matters than how much skin a girl or woman shows or doesn't show. Or, anyway, I wish we did.

And if older men are staring at the butts and boobs of young teenage girls, regardless of what the young teenage girls are wearing, then those older men need to control themselves and stop doing that.

I'm not sure why you think "men need to stop looking" at sexy women. Isn't that a very foundational part of how we humans function? Isn't that the point? And ultimately isn't that what women want? None of us would be here without basic sexual attraction between men and women -- it's something that is supposed to happen and something that we want to happen (or did, when we were young and single). Scantily-clad women send a message that we, by our very nature, are designed to be sending and receiving. I think it's ridiculous to simultaneously show off your nearly-naked body in mini-bits of clothing which are designed specifically to make you look sexy, but then be upset at men (of any age) for looking at it. And sure, you want to let your daughter in on this exchange, I guess that's your business. But to answer OPs question, it's not something I want for my daughter - not like this - which is why the females in my house do not wear bikinis.

Did I say "Men need to stop looking"? Nope. I said, "Men need to stop STARING." (Based on the PP's comment -- yours? -- "Do you think older men are staring at their butts and boobs?") Staring is not polite. Ogling is not polite. Leering is not polite. MEN NEED TO STOP DOING THAT. If a man is ogling me, it's not my responsibility to change my clothing or behavior. It's his responsibility to stop ogling me. If a man in your family is ogling a woman in a bikini, is your reaction, "Stop ogling that woman!", or is your reaction, "That trollop shouldn't be prancing around naked in public, what does she expect?"?

And again, you're assuming that all women and girls wear bikinis so that the men who see them stare at them -- or conversely, that it's ok for any man to stare at all women and girls in bikinis because that's what the all of the women and girls want them to do. Why do you assume this? It's not a valid assumption.

And if your question now is, "Well, if women aren't wearing bikinis so that the men who see them stare at them, what ARE they wearing bikinis for?", I suggest you ask this question of women and girls who wear bikinis. I expect that you'll get a range of answers.

+1 We as mothers need to not only teach our daughters to be respectful of themselves and encourage them to make good choices, but we also need to teach and encourage our sons to do the same. I'm always amazed by the mothers of sons who don't recognize their responsibility in guiding their sons to respect girls. My son is still young, but he is already hearing the message of respect from me. No catcalling, ogling and disrespect will be tolerated. Of course, as he gets older he will be curious, etc., etc. but he will have in his mind that girls are human beings deserving of respect - not simply objects presented for his pleasure.

Of course people will stare at a good-looking person in a bathing suit (or otherwise) - that's our human nature. But don't fool yourselves to believe that a 1-piece cannot be worn in a highly sexualized manner by a teenager…it's more about the way they behave rather than the actual suit. People who attach sexualized messages to certain clothing really never make sense to me. For me it's really more about behavior. Don't get me wrong - I prefer to see all people (teenagers and adults) dress appropriately and with clothing that fits properly (!!!), but to make such blanket statements seems a stretch for me.

Also, to the PP who says that teens wearing bikinis will somehow make them have sex earlier, more often and more easily…wow! Do you also think that sex education will lead to them engaging in sex sooner and more often? Or that the HPV vaccine will encourage them to have sex? Guess what - research shows the exact opposite! Kids who know and understand sex will make more informed decisions. I don't think I want to know what you think of a girl/women who is raped while wearing a short skirt - do you think they somehow deserved it for dressing that way in public…?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so thankful that my 12 year old has no interest in wearing bikinis. Lots of her friends wear them and I think they look soooooo inappropriate. My daughter thinks they are a. too revealing and b. impractical for actual swimming. I'm thrilled that she does not dress to impress boys or older kids and gets confidence from her body's abilities rather than from showing it off. She's gorgeous btw, so it's not that should couldn't rock a bikini. Just that she's so awesome she doesn't need to.

That's great for your DD. It would be nice if all girls had this confidence…however, your judgment of her friends isn't so great. Girls don't need any more scrutiny and judgement about their bodies - especially from their "gorgeous" friend's mother. I hope you're not encouraging your DD to judge her friend's for their choices because that would be in the "mean girl never grew up" category

FWIW, her friends' mothers also lament that their daughters want to wear bikinis and comment that they wish their daughters had the confidence that mine does. Yes. I think wearing a bikini at 8 or 12 is inappropriate. I'm sure I've stated my opinion at some point, so my daughter is aware of my feelings about it but I'm not judge-y and don't harp on it. If my daughter wanted to wear one, we'd discuss why and I'd consider her opinion. My point is that I'm thankful that it's not an issue.

I guess for all the parents whose daughters "like bikinis" I'd suggest talking about what it is that they like about them. And it might be a good idea to let them know how people might view them when they wear a bikini- sexy, confident, over-sexualized, cool, fashionable, insecure- both positives and negatives. There a messages being sent and it's good to think about what they are.

Anonymous wrote:I like women in bikinis as much as the next guy, but I've always wondered why women are not self-conscious wearing next to nothing at pools and the beach.

Guys don't wear don't wear banana hammocks. They wear just normal shorts for swimming. So why do women wear bathing suits that show it all.

I'm not complaining, just wondering why?

Definitely region specific. Spent a good amount of time on beaches in other regions where the dudes were in tiny-ish suits (and not just the older dudes who "didn't know better" that times had changed or things like that- men of all ages in "bungee smugglers"!)

Anonymous wrote:I am so thankful that my 12 year old has no interest in wearing bikinis. Lots of her friends wear them and I think they look soooooo inappropriate. My daughter thinks they are a. too revealing and b. impractical for actual swimming. I'm thrilled that she does not dress to impress boys or older kids and gets confidence from her body's abilities rather than from showing it off. She's gorgeous btw, so it's not that should couldn't rock a bikini. Just that she's so awesome she doesn't need to.

That's great for your DD. It would be nice if all girls had this confidence…however, your judgment of her friends isn't so great. Girls don't need any more scrutiny and judgement about their bodies - especially from their "gorgeous" friend's mother. I hope you're not encouraging your DD to judge her friend's for their choices because that would be in the "mean girl never grew up" category

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early sexualization for simply wearing a 2 piece bathing suit at the beach or pool? Your daughter is a 2nd grader - the only person making this sexual is you and the other adults in your projections. She is innocent. There are plenty of perfectly nice and appropriate 2-piece suits available for your child's age. They are not skimpy or sexy. Of course, don't shop at Victoria's Secret for her suit!

I get your point, but VS makes great bikini top if you actually need support. It's the only bikini top my busty 20 yr old DD wears.

I totally agree. My older teenager DD wears them also, but the OP was talking about an 8-year old. I would not recommend VS for a younger girl. My point in saying VS was only that they tend to cater to an older crowd and younger girls don't need to try to aspire to that, but there's nothing wrong (or sexual... ) about an 8-year old wearing a 2-pieve bathing suit.

Anonymous wrote:I am so thankful that my 12 year old has no interest in wearing bikinis. Lots of her friends wear them and I think they look soooooo inappropriate. My daughter thinks they are a. too revealing and b. impractical for actual swimming. I'm thrilled that she does not dress to impress boys or older kids and gets confidence from her body's abilities rather than from showing it off. She's gorgeous btw, so it's not that should couldn't rock a bikini. Just that she's so awesome she doesn't need to.

My daughter is also awesome. She happens to like bikinis. Does that somehow make her LESS awesome than your awesome daughter? That was a stupid statement.

I am so thankful that my 12 year old has no interest in wearing bikinis. Lots of her friends wear them and I think they look soooooo inappropriate. My daughter thinks they are a. too revealing and b. impractical for actual swimming. I'm thrilled that she does not dress to impress boys or older kids and gets confidence from her body's abilities rather than from showing it off. She's gorgeous btw, so it's not that should couldn't rock a bikini. Just that she's so awesome she doesn't need to.

Anonymous wrote:Mine is 12. She likes to go off the diving boards and have a suit that does not come off while doing so. She hasn't asked to wear a bikini yet. She can wear one when she wants. I don't have any issues with it. I wore tiny bikinis when I was a teen and young adult. I still would if I would be even remotely attractive in one.

Take her to a swim or tri shop. I always had a Nike 2 piece that stayed put instead of one of those with the strings.

That poster uses such charged, sexist language, as has been pointed out, with the "flaunting," "provoking," "showing off" of what is just a body. Men control and shame women and girls with this attitude and language. Foolish and weak women join right in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I allowed them this year, DD is 8. I realized I want her to grow up being comfortable in her skin, at least more comfortable than I am in mine. I don't want to have clothing arguments with her, if I can help it.

It's silly to think that showing off as much skin as possible will equal a girl being comfortable with her body. I have no idea how people have come to believe that, but honestly it doesn't make any sense. There are a hundred ways to help a girl gain self-confidence and be proud of her body. In my opinion, modesty actually helps that. Girls who grow up understanding and practicing modesty actually believe in the dignity and beauty of her body. Modesty teaches that there is such value in her sexuality, that it deserves to be protected and used wisely. Flaunting a nearly-naked body, provoking men and using skimpy sexy clothes to draw attention to yourself does nothing for helping a young girl develop true confidence. Just helps her to get attention for all the wrong reasons.

Then it's a good thing that nobody said that.

And "You'll be more comfortable with your body if you cover it up" is just as silly as "You'll be more comfortable with your body if you uncover it."

Also, the PP's DD is 8. If you think that an 8-year-old in a bikini is "flaunting a nearly-naked body, provoking men, and using skimpy sexy clothes to draw attention to herself", then you have a problem.

Finally, I don't define "modesty" by quantity of fabric worn. Why do you?

Anonymous wrote:I allowed them this year, DD is 8. I realized I want her to grow up being comfortable in her skin, at least more comfortable than I am in mine. I don't want to have clothing arguments with her, if I can help it.

It's silly to think that showing off as much skin as possible will equal a girl being comfortable with her body. I have no idea how people have come to believe that, but honestly it doesn't make any sense. There are a hundred ways to help a girl gain self-confidence and be proud of her body. In my opinion, modesty actually helps that. Girls who grow up understanding and practicing modesty actually believe in the dignity and beauty of her body. Modesty teaches that there is such value in her sexuality, that it deserves to be protected and used wisely. Flaunting a nearly-naked body, provoking men and using skimpy sexy clothes to draw attention to yourself does nothing for helping a young girl develop true confidence. Just helps her to get attention for all the wrong reasons.

Anonymous wrote:I like women in bikinis as much as the next guy, but I've always wondered why women are not self-conscious wearing next to nothing at pools and the beach.

Guys don't wear don't wear banana hammocks. They wear just normal shorts for swimming. So why do women wear bathing suits that show it all.

I'm not complaining, just wondering why?

When swimming or trying to get a tan, a person might want to wear as little as possible to enjoy themselves. If I had the pool all to myself, I'd be naked. A bikini is the next best thing.

I don't think it's fair that men can be topless at the pool and I can't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Go ahead and mock it; I personally think there is value in modesty. I get it, we have entire generations of women in this country that believe that walking around in your underwear (essentially) somehow makes girls feel confident, love their bodies, and plus....don't they look sooo cute?!! But me, I think it just makes boys and girls draw more sexual attention to their bodies, think about sex more, and ultimately have sex more. Something that I think there is value in delaying until kids are actually adults. No, I am not interested in my kids wearing dresses and long leggings to swim in, but let me ask you this: do you think the girls who use ultra-modest swimwear are feeling really sexy in their dresses and leggings? Do you think boys are viewing them as girls who might be easy to have sex with? Do you think older men are staring at their butts and boobs? Do you think they believe their sexiness is equal to confidence and attractiveness?

We have entire generations of women in this country who think that there are more important matters than how much skin a girl or woman shows or doesn't show. Or, anyway, I wish we did.

And if older men are staring at the butts and boobs of young teenage girls, regardless of what the young teenage girls are wearing, then those older men need to control themselves and stop doing that.

I'm not sure why you think "men need to stop looking" at sexy women. Isn't that a very foundational part of how we humans function? Isn't that the point? And ultimately isn't that what women want? None of us would be here without basic sexual attraction between men and women -- it's something that is supposed to happen and something that we want to happen (or did, when we were young and single). Scantily-clad women send a message that we, by our very nature, are designed to be sending and receiving. I think it's ridiculous to simultaneously show off your nearly-naked body in mini-bits of clothing which are designed specifically to make you look sexy, but then be upset at men (of any age) for looking at it. And sure, you want to let your daughter in on this exchange, I guess that's your business. But to answer OPs question, it's not something I want for my daughter - not like this - which is why the females in my house do not wear bikinis.

Did I say "Men need to stop looking"? Nope. I said, "Men need to stop STARING." (Based on the PP's comment -- yours? -- "Do you think older men are staring at their butts and boobs?") Staring is not polite. Ogling is not polite. Leering is not polite. MEN NEED TO STOP DOING THAT. If a man is ogling me, it's not my responsibility to change my clothing or behavior. It's his responsibility to stop ogling me. If a man in your family is ogling a woman in a bikini, is your reaction, "Stop ogling that woman!", or is your reaction, "That trollop shouldn't be prancing around naked in public, what does she expect?"?

And again, you're assuming that all women and girls wear bikinis so that the men who see them stare at them -- or conversely, that it's ok for any man to stare at all women and girls in bikinis because that's what the all of the women and girls want them to do. Why do you assume this? It's not a valid assumption.

And if your question now is, "Well, if women aren't wearing bikinis so that the men who see them stare at them, what ARE they wearing bikinis for?", I suggest you ask this question of women and girls who wear bikinis. I expect that you'll get a range of answers.

Anonymous wrote:Tankini would be a good choice. That makes bathroom breaks easier.

In my opinion, the tankini is on of the best inventions of the last two decades! And this is me we are talking about here. I'm petite and had twins--no one is ever going to see my stretch mark belly again, thank you very much!

I will be interested to see if I ever have to consider this question for my daughter. She is total tomboy and has always wanted those rash guard + short combos from Lands End.