Anonymous wrote:I think it's important to remember that OP's kid is only three. I think this would be a different conversation if he were 8 or 10, when I would be more worried that he was eating his emotions or something, and that he would remain heavy for life.

But plenty of heavy preschoolers grow up to be normal weight second-graders, so I wouldn't worry yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!

This is the OP. I don't think the heavier son eats crazy portions.

Our family eats breakfast and supper together during the week. Breakfast is a platter of fruit, veggies, whole grain bread, nuts, plain yoghurt, porridge, etc. Supper is a plate/bowl of hot food: veggie, bean or fish curry, soup, vegetable quiche, and a platter of veggies. The platters and single servings do not contain an outrageous amount of food. Note that the rest of the family is of normal weight.

I put the platter on the table and let the kids take what they want. The heavier son always gravitates toward fruit. He is not much of a carb eater. This morning he ate apple slices, cherries, and nuts for breakfast and left the bread. I cannot imagine telling any of the kids to stop eating from the platter. The heavier son will often ask for seconds of his hot meal and I give it to him. But I serve small portions to begin with. The food is served in those little plastic toddler bowls.

Should I really be telling him he can't have another 1/2 cup of bean and tomato soup?

By the way, I never tell the kids to clean their plate or eat a particular amount of food. If they eat one bite and tell me they are full, that is ok with me.

I was not trying to make you defensive, OP. I was answering your original question - "What more should I be doing?" - in good faith and without judgment or bitchiness. But I see I'm the only one who thinks calories are the issue. But to me it's just pragmatic advice - even if they're calories coming from food with lots of nutrients, it is still too many for his body type/metabolism/activity level as evidenced by the doctor's report. You say he's active and I believe you. You say all your food is healthy and I believe you. But you say he's the only one overweight in your family and the only one with a really big appetite who eats lots of fruit (which, while nutritious, has lots of sugar and calories). How am I somehow a jerk for pointing out the incontrovertible connection between calories and weight?

Look, I really don't care what your son weighs. Your food offerings sound awesome. But you posted asking for advice. I'm sorry I'm not the only one telling you what you want to hear, which is that you're doing everything perfectly and your son will have a growth spurt and suddenly lose his extra weight. But honestly, have you ever seen a chubby/sturdy kid "grow out of it"? I sure haven't. Overweight kids become overweight teens become overweight adults.

You're doing everything right in terms of what you offer, from what I can tell, but your LO just sounds like a big eater. Do as you wish but I'm just trying, in a well meaning way, to point out that letting him eat to his heart's content seems not to be doing great things for his weight. That's all I have to say. I wasn't trying to call you out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!

This is the OP. I don't think the heavier son eats crazy portions.

Our family eats breakfast and supper together during the week. Breakfast is a platter of fruit, veggies, whole grain bread, nuts, plain yoghurt, porridge, etc. Supper is a plate/bowl of hot food: veggie, bean or fish curry, soup, vegetable quiche, and a platter of veggies. The platters and single servings do not contain an outrageous amount of food. Note that the rest of the family is of normal weight.

I put the platter on the table and let the kids take what they want. The heavier son always gravitates toward fruit. He is not much of a carb eater. This morning he ate apple slices, cherries, and nuts for breakfast and left the bread. I cannot imagine telling any of the kids to stop eating from the platter. The heavier son will often ask for seconds of his hot meal and I give it to him. But I serve small portions to begin with. The food is served in those little plastic toddler bowls.

Should I really be telling him he can't have another 1/2 cup of bean and tomato soup?

By the way, I never tell the kids to clean their plate or eat a particular amount of food. If they eat one bite and tell me they are full, that is ok with me.

I was not trying to make you defensive, OP. I was answering your original question - "What more should I be doing?" - in good faith and without judgment or bitchiness. But I see I'm the only one who thinks calories are the issue. But to me it's just pragmatic advice - even if they're calories coming from food with lots of nutrients, it is still too many for his body type/metabolism/activity level as evidenced by the doctor's report. You say he's active and I believe you. You say all your food is healthy and I believe you. But you say he's the only one overweight in your family and the only one with a really big appetite who eats lots of fruit (which, while nutritious, has lots of sugar and calories). How am I somehow a jerk for pointing out the incontrovertible connection between calories and weight?

Look, I really don't care what your son weighs. Your food offerings sound awesome. But you posted asking for advice. I'm sorry I'm not the only one telling you what you want to hear, which is that you're doing everything perfectly and your son will have a growth spurt and suddenly lose his extra weight. But honestly, have you ever seen a chubby/sturdy kid "grow out of it"? I sure haven't. Overweight kids become overweight teens become overweight adults.

You're doing everything right in terms of what you offer, from what I can tell, but your LO just sounds like a big eater. Do as you wish but I'm just trying, in a well meaning way, to point out that letting him eat to his heart's content seems not to be doing great things for his weight. That's all I have to say. I wasn't trying to call you out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!

This is the OP. I don't think the heavier son eats crazy portions.

Our family eats breakfast and supper together during the week. Breakfast is a platter of fruit, veggies, whole grain bread, nuts, plain yoghurt, porridge, etc. Supper is a plate/bowl of hot food: veggie, bean or fish curry, soup, vegetable quiche, and a platter of veggies. The platters and single servings do not contain an outrageous amount of food. Note that the rest of the family is of normal weight.

I put the platter on the table and let the kids take what they want. The heavier son always gravitates toward fruit. He is not much of a carb eater. This morning he ate apple slices, cherries, and nuts for breakfast and left the bread. I cannot imagine telling any of the kids to stop eating from the platter. The heavier son will often ask for seconds of his hot meal and I give it to him. But I serve small portions to begin with. The food is served in those little plastic toddler bowls.

Should I really be telling him he can't have another 1/2 cup of bean and tomato soup?

By the way, I never tell the kids to clean their plate or eat a particular amount of food. If they eat one bite and tell me they are full, that is ok with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!

This is the OP. I don't think the heavier son eats crazy portions.

Our family eats breakfast and supper together during the week. Breakfast is a platter of fruit, veggies, whole grain bread, nuts, plain yoghurt, porridge, etc. Supper is a plate/bowl of hot food: veggie, bean or fish curry, soup, vegetable quiche, and a platter of veggies. The platters and single servings do not contain an outrageous amount of food. Note that the rest of the family is of normal weight.

I put the platter on the table and let the kids take what they want. The heavier son always gravitates toward fruit. He is not much of a carb eater. This morning he ate apple slices, cherries, and nuts for breakfast and left the bread. I cannot imagine telling any of the kids to stop eating from the platter. The heavier son will often ask for seconds of his hot meal and I give it to him. But I serve small portions to begin with. The food is served in those little plastic toddler bowls.

Should I really be telling him he can't have another 1/2 cup of bean and tomato soup?

By the way, I never tell the kids to clean their plate or eat a particular amount of food. If they eat one bite and tell me they are full, that is ok with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree about portions. I have think you have to slowly pare down the portions. I also notice that some families go a lot heavier on the carbs then they realize. Ditto with the fruits..some fruits have a ton of carbs and sugars and don't realize this. When I see heavy kids usually there is a heavy parent in the family. In our family I realized my husband was the heavy one and it was affecting the rest of us. I unconsciously was serving larger portions and also noticed too many carbs. We are working on this but in a non dramatic way. One banana a day is fine--2 or 3 are too many. Larger chicken portion and small amount of whole wheat pasta. If another portion it is more of the chicken and less of the pasta. Better yet is chicken with broccoli and not pasta at all. I would suggest working with a dietary professional. Too many kids today are obese and it starts with the family.

Did you work with a dietary professional, and did this dietary professional advise you to avoid "carbs" and to limit yourself to one banana a day?

Anonymous wrote:I disagree about portions. I have think you have to slowly pare down the portions. I also notice that some families go a lot heavier on the carbs then they realize. Ditto with the fruits..some fruits have a ton of carbs and sugars and don't realize this. When I see heavy kids usually there is a heavy parent in the family. In our family I realized my husband was the heavy one and it was affecting the rest of us. I unconsciously was serving larger portions and also noticed too many carbs. We are working on this but in a non dramatic way. One banana a day is fine--2 or 3 are too many. Larger chicken portion and small amount of whole wheat pasta. If another portion it is more of the chicken and less of the pasta. Better yet is chicken with broccoli and not pasta at all. I would suggest working with a dietary professional. Too many kids today are obese and it starts with the family.

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:change your thinking about what "overweight" actually means and how it happens. You child will end up with an eating disorder if you start "limiting" healthy food.

No. This sort of relativism and normalizing of what has always traditionally been considered "overweight" is one of the key reasons for the current obesity epidemic. We all know what overweight is. Shifting the definition to avoid dealing with a very difficult problem isn't the answer.

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised that there are so few people who see this as an early opportunity to teach moderate portions. And even more surprised that everyone seems to view moderate portions as a punishment and as laying the groundwork for an eating disorder! I grew up in a family that encouraged eating until overfull, but I only had slender friends whose families never did this - one portion only, and nobody thought anything of it. I struggle with my weight to this day, and none of them do. Well, to each her own!