I would be a little hurt if someone told me I look tired, even if I hear the care and concern in their voice. In fact this very thing happened a few months ago, when I'd been working long, long days. It smarted for a moment, then I let it go. Of course this was a neighbor, not a friend. I'm wondering if your friendship isn't fraught with other issues.

Not to get all preachy, but I think we have to know our emotional personality and not care so much what others think so long as we know the response is within an acceptable range (i.e., that doesn't cause anxiety or destructive behavior).

As for the friend wanting to get together with a friend, that can be tricky social territory. This has also happened to me a few times. It hurt when I was in my 30's. It's kind of irrational. Now that I am older, I see it's part of life, people connecting with friends of friends.

When someone asks if you are tired or says you look tired it is their semi polite way of telling you that you don't look good. Is that nice? Ever? NO!

Your "friend" sounds angry and jealous like she was really trying to annoy or hurt you,

Telling someone they look tired means you look like crap. Rude!!!

How close are you to these two other friends? Only if they are very good friends would I feel upset or excluded.
If they are casual friends I would let it slide- maybe they bonded over a mutual
Interest.

Bottom line good friends make their friends feel good and life them up- if they are to doing that you need to rethink the friendship.

For the "you look tired comment" I'd say it depends who's saying that. In most cases I wouldn't be offended. If it came from someone I have an unpleasant relationship with or whom I know to be bitchy, I probably take it as an insult. Coming from most people I'd assume they were just concerned. You can look amazing and look tired too you know.

Your offense over her lunch with the other friend is overblown but she should not have mentioned it.

Anonymous wrote:has anyone said "the world does not revolve around you" yet?

+1

Anonymous wrote:I always tell my girls, if someone makes you feel good and happy and uplifted then hang with them but to those who bring you down, feel toxic and don't have nice things to say..walk away now. The rules still apply to grownup friendships, she sounds insensitive at the least, so maybe time to do inventory and figure if shes really that good of a friend?

This is good advice. After you leave someone's company, see how you feel. That feeling tells you if you should or should not be hanging out with them.

Anyways, I hate the "you look tired". That is so rude. I once called someone out on it, right after she said it to me. She never said it again after that. Some people have dark circles under their eyes ALL THE TIME, THEIR WHOLE LIFE (including me). It's genetic. So people shouldn't point it out with their rude comment.

has anyone said "the world does not revolve around you" yet?

I don't know why I'm circling back to this thread, I'm the best intentions poster. It do hate to read these boards sometimes for the comments like "well, she should have said this instead." This expectation that people have to be perfect is sad. We place way to much emphasis on having people around us perform just as we expect. Why not give people the benefit of the doubt.

Some people are stuck in MS by actively trying to cut women down. I'm am genuinely shocked to know that people spend so much time trying to do this. I'd rather reserve my brain power.

Some people on this thread I could be friends with.

I don't get that the other friend "needs permission" She know perfectly well she does not need permission -- it is her inserting it into the conversation "you don't MIND do YOU?" that is rude and a dig. Followed by he half hearted invite. What is OP going to say? Yes I do mind and look like a complete idiot. It is the set up that hurts.