Anonymous
06/15/2014 10:41
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I am Russian. I think your mil is extremely polite fir speaking English when you are there- many Russians don't bother and don't see it as a big deal.
Please, let her speak to your child in Russian, and teach the baby whatever she wants. Save it for the "baby needs a hat" battles, which I am sure you will have plenty of!
Not necessarily. MIL seems adequate to begin with, why would she suddenly go crazy over a hat?
It's a big thing in Russia. Even perfectly adequate people go crazy over hats.
Yep, another Russian who immigrated as a child. Save your energy for disagreements with MIL over hats and how much clothes the child should wear. It will be a bigger issue for you than the language ever was.
Anonymous
06/14/2014 00:24
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:Also - and you did not say if she volunteered yet - it is very likely she will volunteer to look after the baby, and if she does, you should say yes (assuming you were going to return to work). In Russian families, it is very normal for grandmothers to look after the grandchildren, and honestly, a Russian babushka is the very best nanny you can get.
The first Russian on the thread here- I am not so sure about it. They may be quite opinionated and their views are often dated (sorry, doesn't mean to rhyme).
Anonymous
06/14/2014 00:21
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I am Russian. I think your mil is extremely polite fir speaking English when you are there- many Russians don't bother and don't see it as a big deal.
Please, let her speak to your child in Russian, and teach the baby whatever she wants. Save it for the "baby needs a hat" battles, which I am sure you will have plenty of!
Not necessarily. MIL seems adequate to begin with, why would she suddenly go crazy over a hat?
It's a big thing in Russia. Even perfectly adequate people go crazy over hats.
Anonymous
06/13/2014 10:16
Subject: Re:MIL issue, or do I have one?
Try this on for size:
My FIL is Afro-Domnican (Spanish) and my MIL is Jamaican. My DH grew up in a house where English, Spanish and Jamaican Patois were spoken - often interchangably. To this day, he talks to his father in Spanish and his mother in English and Jamaican Patois. It is hilarious if they are all in the same room. My kids (now teens and young adults) are fluent in both Spanish and English - but amongst themselves and themselves only, the 4 of them speak Jamaican Patois. It's a hoot.
I embraced early on that my kids would be at least bi-lingual. I love the diversity of culture they have grown up with. I am functional in Spanish and I made it my mission to learn enough to at least be able to participate in conversations, although mu IL's always speak English if I am in the conversation.
My FIL is Afro-Domnican (Spanish) and my MIL is Jamaican. My DH grew up in a house where English, Spanish and Jamaican Patois were spoken - often interchangably. To this day, he talks to his father in Spanish and his mother in English and Jamaican Patois. It is hilarious if they are all in the same room. My kids (now teens and young adults) are fluent in both Spanish and English - but amongst themselves and themselves only, the 4 of them speak Jamaican Patois. It's a hoot.
I embraced early on that my kids would be at least bi-lingual. I love the diversity of culture they have grown up with. I am functional in Spanish and I made it my mission to learn enough to at least be able to participate in conversations, although mu IL's always speak English if I am in the conversation.
Anonymous
06/13/2014 09:49
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:I would be bothered. I think it's incredibly rude to speak a language around someone who can't understand it.
Your DH needs to tell his mother that it's English-only when among others.
But they are not "among others" LOL! OP said that they switch when she is around. Honestly, OP - it would not bother me a bit especially if I knew this going in. I do not think that I get to choose how two other people communicate with each other - escpecially when I am not in the room.
In fact, I would be threven be thrilled if they DC to learn the language and were willing to work with him on it.
Anonymous
06/12/2014 17:43
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Are you learning the language, I hope?
Anonymous
06/12/2014 17:21
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
I think they are being very gracious. They switch when you are in the room, even if not talking to you.
It is very, very weird to speak to someone in a language other than the one you usually use with that person.
It is very, very weird to speak to someone in a language other than the one you usually use with that person.
Anonymous
06/12/2014 16:41
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
You're creating an issue out of something that is a gift.
Hopefully you're little one will learn another language thanks to her/his grandmother.
Hopefully you're little one will learn another language thanks to her/his grandmother.
Anonymous
06/12/2014 16:36
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:OP, another Russian chiming in.
I am equally fluent in Russian and English (immigrated when a child) and married an American who doesn't really speak Russian. When we visit my family, you bet I speak to my parents in Russian if he's in another room, talking to someone else, taking a shower, etc. Why on earth not? It's a language that my parents are more comfortable in and some concepts don't translate as well, plus I like using it as I don't get much of a chance to otherwise.
If he's in the room, we switch to English. One of the many reasons I love DH is if he is in the room but not involved in the conversation, or even if I am telling my mother about some event that he already knows about, he always asks me to switch into Russian and not to worry about it, because he knows it might be easier for my parents. Most of the time I don't do it, but sometimes it really helps. It also shows that he is secure and considerate, neither of which you seem to be. Most people would love to have a MIL like yours, count your blessings!
Not Russian but my family also speaks another language when husband isn't around - even though parents have been here for over 30 years, your mother tongue will always be easier/preferred. Any like this person, my husband understands that a group of elders may continue not to speak in English when he is around. The younger generation always speak in English when he is around. It isn't always easy for everyone else. As long as they show that they try and respect him in other ways, he is fine (and I am too). Meanwhile, we have a toddler who speaks my native language better than English because of time spent with my family. It is a gift to be able to teach your child multiple languages. My husband has picked up many words too and has an extra incentive to want to learn.
Anonymous
06/12/2014 16:27
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Also - and you did not say if she volunteered yet - it is very likely she will volunteer to look after the baby, and if she does, you should say yes (assuming you were going to return to work). In Russian families, it is very normal for grandmothers to look after the grandchildren, and honestly, a Russian babushka is the very best nanny you can get.
Anonymous
06/12/2014 14:41
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
OP, another Russian chiming in.
I am equally fluent in Russian and English (immigrated when a child) and married an American who doesn't really speak Russian. When we visit my family, you bet I speak to my parents in Russian if he's in another room, talking to someone else, taking a shower, etc. Why on earth not? It's a language that my parents are more comfortable in and some concepts don't translate as well, plus I like using it as I don't get much of a chance to otherwise.
If he's in the room, we switch to English. One of the many reasons I love DH is if he is in the room but not involved in the conversation, or even if I am telling my mother about some event that he already knows about, he always asks me to switch into Russian and not to worry about it, because he knows it might be easier for my parents. Most of the time I don't do it, but sometimes it really helps. It also shows that he is secure and considerate, neither of which you seem to be. Most people would love to have a MIL like yours, count your blessings!
I am equally fluent in Russian and English (immigrated when a child) and married an American who doesn't really speak Russian. When we visit my family, you bet I speak to my parents in Russian if he's in another room, talking to someone else, taking a shower, etc. Why on earth not? It's a language that my parents are more comfortable in and some concepts don't translate as well, plus I like using it as I don't get much of a chance to otherwise.
If he's in the room, we switch to English. One of the many reasons I love DH is if he is in the room but not involved in the conversation, or even if I am telling my mother about some event that he already knows about, he always asks me to switch into Russian and not to worry about it, because he knows it might be easier for my parents. Most of the time I don't do it, but sometimes it really helps. It also shows that he is secure and considerate, neither of which you seem to be. Most people would love to have a MIL like yours, count your blessings!
Anonymous
06/12/2014 03:07
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I am Russian. I think your mil is extremely polite fir speaking English when you are there- many Russians don't bother and don't see it as a big deal.
Please, let her speak to your child in Russian, and teach the baby whatever she wants. Save it for the "baby needs a hat" battles, which I am sure you will have plenty of!
Not necessarily. MIL seems adequate to begin with, why would she suddenly go crazy over a hat?
Anonymous
06/11/2014 23:30
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
OP, I am Russian. I think your mil is extremely polite fir speaking English when you are there- many Russians don't bother and don't see it as a big deal.
Please, let her speak to your child in Russian, and teach the baby whatever she wants. Save it for the "baby needs a hat" battles, which I am sure you will have plenty of!
Please, let her speak to your child in Russian, and teach the baby whatever she wants. Save it for the "baby needs a hat" battles, which I am sure you will have plenty of!
Anonymous
06/11/2014 23:21
Subject: MIL issue, or do I have one?
You shouldn't have married someone who has a different cultural heritage or spoke another language if that is something you don't have tolerance for. Your poor husband.