Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would much rather someone ask to bring a sibling than to decline the party because they didn't have childcare. I have had people ask, and I don't find it rude at all - this area has tons of single parents and families where one parent travels for work, and I don't expect anyone to go to ridiculous lengths in order to adhere to "perfect" etiquette when the issue in question is a child's birthday party.

+1

Clearly you have home parties or park parties or swimming parties. It doesn't quite work like this when the venue has a limited capacity. My kids both know the same birthday child but only one was invited to his party. It is at our pool. Wouldn't it be great if I could drop off one at the party and keep the other at the pool to just play? (After all, we are members?) But then it would be too difficult to not have my other non invited kid to want cake and a favor so even though it is a weekend and going to the pool is my right, I'm purposefully not doing that to keep the uninvited kid from the fray. It isn't all about you (the uninvited person).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you bring uninvited guests, you're saying that your convenience outweighs the plans of the host. You wouldn't expect them to reschedule it if you can't make that date, would you? Sometimes you can't make it. If you can't make it without bringing an extra guest, this is one of those times.

+1. The entitlement of some PPs is truly appalling. Especially the ones trying to couch it as ungracious on the host's part, to not want uninvited siblings. Unbelievable.

It's incredible to me that in one or two generations manners have devolved so greatly and entitlement has become so significant. When we fortysomethings were kids, our parents understood that birthday parties were for invited guests. They didn't expect to foist off their extra kids on the hosts. Now parents view a party invitation for one child as an invitation to bring all their (sometimes poorly behaved) kids for free entertainment, food and drink, and goodie bags. When that's not the case, they label hosts as rude or ungracious. Perhaps worse, they inadvertently teach kids that they're always invited everywhere and always should be.

Parents of more than one child have this issue all the time. Even when it is a drop off party, you will see what it feels like to pull away your screaming, upset younger child from Pump It Up or some other place. It's just another life lesson for them, in my book. Get a sitter, do a babysitting co-op, or trade off (you watch two younger kids - yours and a friend's - and the friend takes the invited kids to the party or vice versa or ask another family if they can bring your child and then next time you bring the other child). It was very rare that I had to actually pay a sitter. If you can plan ahead, it is not hard or expensive.

With my daughter's most recent party, the party coordinator charged $20 per extra child over 10 kids. We had 11 as it was, so imagine having another 10 kids easily, if not more as some kids have multiple sibs. That's at least $200 just in extra child fees, not to mention goody bags and pricey allergen-friendly cupcakes, changing it from a party that's already expensive (to me- but oh so worth it as she did EVERYTHING) to one that is pushing the limits of affordability for us.

Having said that, if I knew a parent was really in a bind (one of DD's friend's dad works all day Saturdays), I would ask if the parent wanted to bring the other sibling. But we made her party this year drop-off optional so that parents wouldn't have to deal with childcare issues.

Anonymous wrote:I would much rather someone ask to bring a sibling than to decline the party because they didn't have childcare. I have had people ask, and I don't find it rude at all - this area has tons of single parents and families where one parent travels for work, and I don't expect anyone to go to ridiculous lengths in order to adhere to "perfect" etiquette when the issue in question is a child's birthday party.

+1

Depends on the party. I would be happy to include siblings unless we had to limit numbers because of the venue.

I would much rather someone ask to bring a sibling than to decline the party because they didn't have childcare. I have had people ask, and I don't find it rude at all - this area has tons of single parents and families where one parent travels for work, and I don't expect anyone to go to ridiculous lengths in order to adhere to "perfect" etiquette when the issue in question is a child's birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:I'm of the opinion that if a child is too young to go to a birthday party by themselves, they are too young to go. I've invited siblings only when my kids were friends with my child.

Is this the mom who is adamant that her kids are dropped off as soon as their potty trained?

I only have one child but will soon have another. If my husband can't help me for some reason either taking one child or staying home with sibling, I will just decline the invitation. I certainly will NOT hire a sitter for this.

I think the hostess is right btw and I don't think siblings should be automatically invited just because it is not a drop off party. That can get pretty expensive soon with with the average kid having 1 sibling and lots having 2 sibling nowadays.

That said, I will also spend a ton of money for a preschooler b-day party:

Gift: $15.00
Sitter 3 hours (2 hours party and 1 hour travel time): anything between $30.00 and $45.00

Total: $45.00-$60.00
Yeah, not happening

That is fine, whatever you do in lieu of bringing an uninvited guest (which you said you would not do) is obviously entirely up to you.

I never bring uninvited guests, but have to say that I'm always bummed out reading these things. I know a few moms in real life who complain about paying for siblings, and these are moms who live much more extravagantly than we do. So I find it interesting that so many on this list are citing poverty as the reason. Hey, host whoever you want, but something makes me suspect that most of you on this list aren't limiting sibs because you're indigent.

So you need to be "indigent" to not have it in your party budget to host approximately 15 additional kids? I could afford to do it, but when I am already paying $350 for a home party (food, drinks, cake, loot bags, paperwear) at which I am hosting the parents of all 15 kids in my son's class, in addition to all of the kids, it becomes unreasonable and I don't want to do it.

Anonymous wrote:I never bring uninvited guests, but have to say that I'm always bummed out reading these things. I know a few moms in real life who complain about paying for siblings, and these are moms who live much more extravagantly than we do. So I find it interesting that so many on this list are citing poverty as the reason. Hey, host whoever you want, but something makes me suspect that most of you on this list aren't limiting sibs because you're indigent.

Poverty? Indigent? How about reasonable? I think hosting a party for 15 children is fine; hosting one for 30 is excessive. Moreover, it changes the nature of the party if there are kids of all different ages.

People are so rude, and so entitled. If you don't want to come without your whole family in tow, don't come. It's easy!

I just posted above. OP, when you ask to bring a sibling, you put the party host in a difficult situation. Sometimes it might not be a big deal to have your extra DC, but if the host has to say no, I would imagine they feel really awful about saying no. Party invitations are addressed to the actual invited guest. Unless the invite says "siblings welcome," please don't put the hosts in an awkward position (unless you know them really, really well).

Anonymous wrote:MY DH works a lot too. I either ask someone to watch the baby or I ask a friend who's going if they can keep an eye on my older kid at the party and then prep them that if they need anything, to ask Larla for help.

Both ways have worked out swimmingly. I would never bring a child to a party who's not invited.

You are a class act. OP should follow your example.

I have twin DCs who attend different schools, I, too, would never bring one of them to a party who was not invited -- I have NEVER asked to bring the non-invited sibling, either. TO EVEN ASK TO BRING A SIBLING IS INCREDIBLY RUDE! Most parents who know my DCs are twins have invited the other twin, but I have never asked for them to be invited.

All those extra kids change the tone of the party and make it more hectic and crazy. Lots of people bring uninvited siblings because they want the siblings to have fun too, not because they don't have childcare. I know several families where one parent brings the uninvited sibling along so the other parent can have some weekend time to themselves. While I understand those desires, it's just rude to impose extra kids on an event. As several PPs have noted, if all those siblings attend it can DOUBLE the size of the party.

Anonymous wrote:I'm of the opinion that if a child is too young to go to a birthday party by themselves, they are too young to go. I've invited siblings only when my kids were friends with my child.

Should be when the siblings are friends with my child.