Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Disagree. The OP was proposing something unethical, that her detective husband represent himself as a on-duty LEO for personal reasons. Sorry, but this is quite different from your attorney-centric explanation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Disagree. The OP was proposing something unethical, that her detective husband represent himself as a on-duty LEO for personal reasons. Sorry, but this is quite different from your attorney-centric explanation.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Anonymous wrote:Op have your husband go see him. Ask to talk to him privately and ask him questions you may have. It seems like maybe you want him to acknowledge you and that's okay. Don't listen to what anyone else says, do what your heart is telling you too but please prepare yourself for the fact that he may not acknowledge you. My husband met his dad at 32, dad insisted in meeting him, came by. 3 times and never showed up again. Even thought his was the outcome it brought a lot of peace to my husbands life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A cop isn't going to get a detailed medical history from an alleged hit and run witness.

Be honest and send a letter stating that you just want to know about medical history.

Sorry, I didn't explain this well. My husband, as a cop, could go to my bio-father's office and ask to speak to him privately about a hit-and-run he may have witnessed or something similar. Then, once alone, tell bio-father who he was and what we want from him. I have no idea if my bio-father has a family or if he does, if they know he fathered a child prior. A cop asking to speak to a potential witness wouldn't invite as many questions as a woman (me) showing up.


As for contacting him directly in a letter - I just don't want to. I don't want to risk his asking to see me. I just want the medical information.

And when your bio father complains to your husbands superior officers about your little ploy, how do you think that will go over for you? If you want to know, either ask yourself, send your husband WITHOUT some big lie, or maybe have your mother do it. She chose to have a baby with him, maybe she owes you this?

Anonymous wrote:OP here - My husband is a detective (plain clothes) so he wouldn't be walking in in uniform and cops are always allowed to "give cover" so there is no problem there.

But maybe you guys are right - I should just send him a letter with a medical questionnaire. When I read that this other woman did send her husband to contact her bio-father, it just seemed like an easier idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A cop isn't going to get a detailed medical history from an alleged hit and run witness.

Be honest and send a letter stating that you just want to know about medical history.

Sorry, I didn't explain this well. My husband, as a cop, could go to my bio-father's office and ask to speak to him privately about a hit-and-run he may have witnessed or something similar. Then, once alone, tell bio-father who he was and what we want from him. I have no idea if my bio-father has a family or if he does, if they know he fathered a child prior. A cop asking to speak to a potential witness wouldn't invite as many questions as a woman (me) showing up.


As for contacting him directly in a letter - I just don't want to. I don't want to risk his asking to see me. I just want the medical information.

Anonymous wrote:I know the name of my biological father but have never contacted him and have never wanted to. I read on another message board where a woman in much my same situation had her husband contact her birth father just to get a detailed medical history as the woman and her husband were planning to have a baby.

I would love to do this. My husband is a police officer and could visit my biological father without causing any disruption in his life (he could say that maybe my bio-father witnessed a hit-and-run or something). We are planning to have children one day and a medical history would be vital. I also really don't want to meet my biological father or have any kind of a relationship with him. He and my mother were boyfriend/girlfriend when they were both 19 and my mother got pregnant with me. My mother told him she was pregnant and contacted him again after I was born and he didn't want to get involved. My mother raised me alone and I had a great childhood. She has since passed away.

All I want is a medical history. My husband said he would handle it diplomatically and calmly. Has anyone else ever sent their significant other to get a medical history from their biological parent without ever meeting or personally contacting their bio-parent?