Anonymous
Post 06/04/2014 06:53     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
News flash - your marriage has been over for years. You are the person raising his child and spending his money. This was a multiyear assignment overseas that could be accompanied and you refused to go? And then all you do is bitch at him about other women? You don't seem to like him much.

When you got married and had kids you formed a family unit. You do things as a unit. You sound like you married young, get your ideas about marriage from women's magazines, and didn't really consider who was actually standing next to you in your pretty white dress. Either be happy with the paycheck he's sending home or pack your stuff up and move to the assignment. Or get a divorce and find some other dude who better fits your requirements for a husband.
Anonymous
Post 06/04/2014 00:22     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
As a woman OP, I would instinctively trust your gut. What is it telling you here? Did you detect a certain vibe that your husband had slept w/some of these women?? Some type of familiarity between him + these women that went beyond just the bar?

If so, then you may just be on to something.

Hopefully your husband will be a man and come clean, but since most men do not, you will just have to trust your gut.

I wouldn't consider a divorce however unless I had some sort of evidence and in this case, you would need something tangible or a confession from your husband.

Unless you can get one of those, I would just keep an extra eye open considering my husband and his extra-curricular activities.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:44     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, that half needs to keep away from my DH and he from them if he wants to keep me.


Let me get this straight:

1. you have been married for many years, but have always been jealous.
2. early in your marriage, he took a business trip and one of the people on that trip was a woman.
3. he did not tell you that this woman was going because he did not want to make you insanely jealous.
4. he has taken several overseas assignments that were multiple years long.
5. you are unwilling to accompany him on these assignments because you would have to quit your job and remove your child from school.
6. he has refused to look for other work.
7. when you visited during one of his long overseas assignments, he introduced you to his friends and coworkers, half of whom were female, and kissed them on the cheek in greeting.
8. one of these friends invited you to her home for dinner with her daughter, and you are suspicious because she and her daughter are attractive.
9. he took you to a fashion show, where there were women present (because so many men attend fashion shows) and you left in a huff because he was talking to the people standing next to him while he was buying you a drink.
10. you have demanded that he stop being friends with anyone female, and he has refused to acquiesce.

Does that about cover it?

It sounds to me like what we have here is the story of a man who works internationally who is married to someone who refuses to participate in married life with him for periods of many months (if not years) at a time, who is perfectly okay with saying "You should quit your job but I refuse to quit mine" and who is telling him who he is and is not allowed to be friends with, while also accusing him of having an affair and then saying she does not believe him when he denies it.


I move to nominate OP for crazy woman of the month!
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:43     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Oh, man. Yeah, it drives me batty to see people here in the U.S. at the supermarket, for example, looking like they just rolled out of bed. I have actually seen people in pajamas!
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:41     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:Well, that half needs to keep away from my DH and he from them if he wants to keep me.


Let me get this straight:

1. you have been married for many years, but have always been jealous.
2. early in your marriage, he took a business trip and one of the people on that trip was a woman.
3. he did not tell you that this woman was going because he did not want to make you insanely jealous.
4. he has taken several overseas assignments that were multiple years long.
5. you are unwilling to accompany him on these assignments because you would have to quit your job and remove your child from school.
6. he has refused to look for other work.
7. when you visited during one of his long overseas assignments, he introduced you to his friends and coworkers, half of whom were female, and kissed them on the cheek in greeting.
8. one of these friends invited you to her home for dinner with her daughter, and you are suspicious because she and her daughter are attractive.
9. he took you to a fashion show, where there were women present (because so many men attend fashion shows) and you left in a huff because he was talking to the people standing next to him while he was buying you a drink.
10. you have demanded that he stop being friends with anyone female, and he has refused to acquiesce.

Does that about cover it?

It sounds to me like what we have here is the story of a man who works internationally who is married to someone who refuses to participate in married life with him for periods of many months (if not years) at a time, who is perfectly okay with saying "You should quit your job but I refuse to quit mine" and who is telling him who he is and is not allowed to be friends with, while also accusing him of having an affair and then saying she does not believe him when he denies it.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:41     Subject: Re:How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lived in Eastern Europe a while and was friends with various US expats, some there solo. Happened to be lots of beautiful women in this country too.

It was pretty normal to know lots of women and men, esp in Eastern Europe where lots of the real jobs are done by women (due to high alcoholism rates among the men). Even at professional events, it would be 70%+ female, and the bars were not that much different.

If your DH is social, then his behavior seems totally normal. Besides, he was there alone and eager to make friends. I did the same when I moved there -- went out a lot to make new friends and get over homesickness and loneliness.

My DW wouldn't bat an eyelash when we went out and I'd know various women. She knew I was social and had lots of friends.


I've been spent a lot of time in EE too, and there are so many drop dead gorgeous women there. When I look back at old US TV shows, I see women who are beautful - like Mrs. Cleaver or Donna Reed. Somewhere along the way, American women went ugly. What happened to our own home grown versions here in the good 'ol US of A?


I theorized on this a lot while living in EE. Multiple factors: high obesity rates in the US -- overweight people just aren't as attractive. Tied to that is: more walking in EE, because public transport is widely available and cheap, while cars are expensive; colder temperatures = burnign more calories; higher food prices = eat less; also in general, there's much more emphasis on beauty. The joke there is an EE women will put on full makup and outfit just to walk outside to get the mail. You'd rarely see a frumpy women under ago 50 out and about, and never see a woman wearing sweatpants in public.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:33     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:Well, that half needs to keep away from my DH and he from them if he wants to keep me.


Keep acting like this and this issue may take care of itself.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:26     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:Well, that half needs to keep away from my DH and he from them if he wants to keep me.


You are completely immune to reason!!!
It's maddening. The problem is yours, not your DH's.

Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 16:24     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Well, that half needs to keep away from my DH and he from them if he wants to keep me.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:57     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:His assignment was three years. He had his own apartment. He has always enjoyed the company of women - I can't stand it. I've asked him to stop, repeatedly. He says he is just being social.

When we met, at least 1/2 his friends were women. To this day, and we have been married 12 years, he is still in contact with his college girlfriend's best friend and another woman he knew in college. She is single and 47, so I don't know what is wrong with her.



OP- half the planet is women...
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:39     Subject: Re:How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:Lived in Eastern Europe a while and was friends with various US expats, some there solo. Happened to be lots of beautiful women in this country too.

It was pretty normal to know lots of women and men, esp in Eastern Europe where lots of the real jobs are done by women (due to high alcoholism rates among the men). Even at professional events, it would be 70%+ female, and the bars were not that much different.

If your DH is social, then his behavior seems totally normal. Besides, he was there alone and eager to make friends. I did the same when I moved there -- went out a lot to make new friends and get over homesickness and loneliness.

My DW wouldn't bat an eyelash when we went out and I'd know various women. She knew I was social and had lots of friends.


I've been spent a lot of time in EE too, and there are so many drop dead gorgeous women there. When I look back at old US TV shows, I see women who are beautful - like Mrs. Cleaver or Donna Reed. Somewhere along the way, American women went ugly. What happened to our own home grown versions here in the good 'ol US of A?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:28     Subject: Re:How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Lived in Eastern Europe a while and was friends with various US expats, some there solo. Happened to be lots of beautiful women in this country too.

It was pretty normal to know lots of women and men, esp in Eastern Europe where lots of the real jobs are done by women (due to high alcoholism rates among the men). Even at professional events, it would be 70%+ female, and the bars were not that much different.

If your DH is social, then his behavior seems totally normal. Besides, he was there alone and eager to make friends. I did the same when I moved there -- went out a lot to make new friends and get over homesickness and loneliness.

My DW wouldn't bat an eyelash when we went out and I'd know various women. She knew I was social and had lots of friends.
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:24     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He introduced me to two of his women friends from the assignment - a mother - daughter pair. Mother is slightly older than me - she is 46, redhead (like), tall slender - and her daughter is gorgeous 24 and blonde. Wouldn't his make you suspicious?


Not suspicious. Curiously aroused, for sure. But not suspicious.


How aroused? Like, would you have gone in for any action with these two women! How adventurous are you? If they are as hot as you say they are, I might have been tempted to put something on offer to DH - threesome? foursome?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:21     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous
Post 06/03/2014 15:17     Subject: How Do I Trust that DH Did Not Have an Affair?
Anonymous wrote:He introduced me to two of his women friends from the assignment - a mother - daughter pair. Mother is slightly older than me - she is 46, redhead (like), tall slender - and her daughter is gorgeous 24 and blonde. Wouldn't his make you suspicious?


Not suspicious. Curiously aroused, for sure. But not suspicious.