Anonymous wrote:I hate this asshole jock vs shy nerd dichotomy. It is SUCH a false dichotomy, like all the women here have pointed out.

We want confidence, intelligence, and a man who is comfortable in his own skin.

Guess what? If you're either shy or an asshole, you are NOT confident (yes, assholes are not confident) and you are not comfortable in your own skin. So neither of them qualify.

Whether you are a high powered lawyer or the girl behind a McDonald's counter, women want a man who makes them feel safe and protected. A man with a strong inner core with beliefs to match. Period, end of story.

You want both, obviously. But when push comes to shove and you can't have both, confidence beats decency almost every time.

I hate this asshole jock vs shy nerd dichotomy. It is SUCH a false dichotomy, like all the women here have pointed out.

We want confidence, intelligence, and a man who is comfortable in his own skin.

Guess what? If you're either shy or an asshole, you are NOT confident (yes, assholes are not confident) and you are not comfortable in your own skin. So neither of them qualify.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

Agree. Dh, a chess nerd, has complained about girls going after asshole jocks in high school. But I always wonder if he was paying attention to the mousy, shy girls who might have been interested in him.

Anyway, we met up in our 30s and I'm so glad I'm the one who got him. -jock nerd girl who had a hard time even talking to boys in high school

I love jocky but kinda nerdy girls. Your DH is fortunate. I guess maybe because I'm a combination of jocky and nerdy (or at least smart) myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fooled around with or was absurdly attracted to some gorgeous, stacked, testosterone laden guys in my college and immediate post-college years. They were amazing. I was clueless. It was fun and also hurtful.

I grew up during my 20's. In my thirties I dated completely diffferent types and I married a funny, smart, honest, brainy, computer game loving, programmer. I also think he's quite handsome but he's sure not the testosterone hunk of my youth. He is however, someone I fully trust and can be myself with, a loving, caring father and husband, and someone who takes joy in making me happy. When you grow up you realize that beats the washboard abs you're hanging onto on the back of the Harley. (Although I do miss a bit of that sometimes now that I'm dwelling on it!)

So your husband is ok with you fucking much more alpha guys than him all through your hottest years, then settling for his money?

He's probably just happy to have a girl finally pay attention to him. He'll take whatever scraps she'll throw him and try not to think too much about what she actually finds sexy when you take long term, non-sexual considerations out of the equation.

Both of the last 2 posters are just reading what they want to hear, not what is actually being said. Must suck to be that bitter!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fooled around with or was absurdly attracted to some gorgeous, stacked, testosterone laden guys in my college and immediate post-college years. They were amazing. I was clueless. It was fun and also hurtful.

I grew up during my 20's. In my thirties I dated completely diffferent types and I married a funny, smart, honest, brainy, computer game loving, programmer. I also think he's quite handsome but he's sure not the testosterone hunk of my youth. He is however, someone I fully trust and can be myself with, a loving, caring father and husband, and someone who takes joy in making me happy. When you grow up you realize that beats the washboard abs you're hanging onto on the back of the Harley. (Although I do miss a bit of that sometimes now that I'm dwelling on it!)

So your husband is ok with you fucking much more alpha guys than him all through your hottest years, then settling for his money?

He's probably just happy to have a girl finally pay attention to him. He'll take whatever scraps she'll throw him and try not to think too much about what she actually finds sexy when you take long term, non-sexual considerations out of the equation.

Anonymous wrote:I fooled around with or was absurdly attracted to some gorgeous, stacked, testosterone laden guys in my college and immediate post-college years. They were amazing. I was clueless. It was fun and also hurtful.

I grew up during my 20's. In my thirties I dated completely diffferent types and I married a funny, smart, honest, brainy, computer game loving, programmer. I also think he's quite handsome but he's sure not the testosterone hunk of my youth. He is however, someone I fully trust and can be myself with, a loving, caring father and husband, and someone who takes joy in making me happy. When you grow up you realize that beats the washboard abs you're hanging onto on the back of the Harley. (Although I do miss a bit of that sometimes now that I'm dwelling on it!)

So your husband is ok with you fucking much more alpha guys than him all through your hottest years, then settling for his money?

Anonymous wrote:Neither. Since my divorce, I have almost exclusively dated military or former military guys. Many were HS athletes, but certainly not assholes. They tended to be the type of guy who wasn't particularly brainy but loved technical sciences, history, and politics. My partner would much rather build a piece of furniture from scratch in the evenings than play basketball, but he takes care of his body because he values health and his ability to protect me and my kids from crime or other threats.

Sounds hot

I think saying 'nerd' and 'jock' is too narrow. There are plenty of smart guys who are also goodlooking and nice. People who think nice guys finish last should know that just being nice doesn't get you the girl. Physical attraction is important as well. Ideally, I like the fit, smart but also caring and non jerk guy.....yes, they're out there.

Absolutely. The naughty librarian is a cliche fantasy for a reason. Is there a female equivalent sex fantasy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

Disagree. Some of these mousy, shy girls are much better in bed and all around nicer people than the prom queen.

Different poster, you're missing the point PP. The PP you're responding to is not saying mousy shy girls aren't great catches. S/he is pointing out that the original question is sexist (I agree) because the whole premise is that somehow girls/women like assholes and miss the chess nerd gems because women are superficial. Yet OP doesn't question (and really, does anyone?) why MEN, not only in high school and college but on into maturity, would rather get a super hot chick popular girl/woman over a mousy shy girl.

In other words, it's very likely OP was lusting after the very same types of girls in high school and college that he felt the girls wanted as guys. Because we were all in high school and college - we ALL KNOW there were plenty of mousy shy girls (some of us were them!) who would have done anything for the chess nerd to notice us, but he was too busy staring at the prettier, more popular girls. OP's premise is hypocritical, as if it's only something girls do.

Anonymous wrote:Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

Disagree. Some of these mousy, shy girls are much better in bed and all around nicer people than the prom queen.

Anonymous wrote:Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

I think it's because guys, by and large, rarely claim not to be superficial. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy, how to go about making herself sexually attractive enough to him to make that happen isn't a mystery: wear tight stuff, show your boobs, grab his penis -- probably your chances of getting laid are good. Reverse the roles and the guy is going to be lost in a cloud of "have a good sense of humor," and "be romantic."

Anonymous wrote:Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

Agree. Dh, a chess nerd, has complained about girls going after asshole jocks in high school. But I always wonder if he was paying attention to the mousy, shy girls who might have been interested in him.

Anyway, we met up in our 30s and I'm so glad I'm the one who got him. -jock nerd girl who had a hard time even talking to boys in high school

Chess nerds can be assholes, FYI.

And I find the whole premise of this question sexist. Nobody would ever ask why, given the choice, a man would chose to date a super hot, popular model over a mousy, shy girl.

Some jocks growup to be hot successful adults. I don't know if they are still asses or not, I'm not married to them. I dated the spectrum but had (and still have) a sweet spot for the whole package types. I married a former college athlete who is successful professionally, graduated second in his class from law school and is an all around great guy. In higschool I dated the schools top athlete who was also in the GT program (at the time he was an ass) and graduated in the top five of the class. He went on to Ivy's. He is successful, married and has two children. He seems to not be an ass anymore but I don't know, I'm not married to him.

The biggest factor was whther or not the guys had vision and there was more to them than highschool and the frat house. The ultimate turn on was a guy who had direction, drive and the brains to get it done. They studied, did their homework, had a job, pretty much had their shit together. They didn't have to be the hottest guy in room, the smartest or the most athletic but they had to be kind, respectful and driven.