Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Minus the name calling, I agree with the sentiment of the PP. At least I think you should reconsider inviting your dad.

I see my dad 2-3x per week and at least once on the weekend for a family activity with my kids. I see my brother and his family once a yr. My dad and step mom are retired and travel extensively. They visit my brother a few times a yr. For this week, we want it to be just the kids. If our parents found out that my family was flying to NY for a week, they would not ask to be invited. I don't know why renting a house at the beach changes the desire to be included.

Anonymous wrote:So you and your dad live in dc and brother is flying into dc and then driving?

If so, brother should stay in dc for a night or so to visit with dad and then go to beach.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again... If we really want to get in to it, we would invite my dad. But it's a package deal with my step mom and now her mother who lives with them. Her mother is downright ornery. I don't blame her. She is over 100, can't see, can't walk, and can't hear. But she thinks she can... So they're is constant yelling in the house. What did you say? I can't hear you. Speak louder. It's a very stressful environment for me to spend time in and would be much of a vacation for anyone. That's why my dad and I go out to lunch a few times a week. There is no way to only invite my dad but not the other two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, what is the big deal? So what if they come along?

DH and I would like to go out to dinner alone one night, we've already agreed to swap babysitting duties. The parental units feel that dinner should all be eaten together. My kids are 3 and 6, they still don't get why we eat dinner before 9pm. They are night owls and don't start their day until 2-3pm but everything should be done as a family so we should not go to the beach without them. My step mom is a fantastic gourmet cook. I am a mom with 2 kids. She enjoys making multi course meals. She expects others to do the same in return. If I manage a protein, a vegetable and a starch on a plate, I consider that a success. She starts her meals with an app, a soup, and salad followed by the main course and dessert. Everything is homemade and delicious. She has come right out and told me she does not enjoy store bought food and won't eat it. I just can't cook like she does and yes, they eat like that every night.

The last time we tried this a few years ago it didn't work out well. There were a lot of hurt feelings around expectations that were not communicated. This time my brother and I just wanted a fun, non stressful vacation.

Anonymous wrote:It's clear that what is lost is the inter-generational caring and commitment that used to mark human family relationships. There are many people, lots on this board, with toxic parents and relationships characterized by abuse. You don't describe that type of problem. You describe wanting to be a "kid" and have fun time away from your parents while your parents, who are admittedly elderly and may or may not have another year of life left in them, want to impose on your good time.

What is there to be grateful for? How about being grateful for having living parents who are still mentally stable and physically able at 75 years old and having parents that you love and who love you and who love their grandchildren. These are not things to be taken for granted or blown off.

Anonymous wrote:You can take issue with the vocabulary, but what about addressing the sentiment? What has our society come to when elderly grandparents are excluded because...Why? You give no reason other than we "want" to be with "the kids" only. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Ungrateful, ungrateful, ungrateful. What kind of model are you providing for your own children and the nieces/nephews? SMH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, what is the big deal? So what if they come along?

DH and I would like to go out to dinner alone one night, we've already agreed to swap babysitting duties. The parental units feel that dinner should all be eaten together. My kids are 3 and 6, they still don't get why we eat dinner before 9pm. They are night owls and don't start their day until 2-3pm but everything should be done as a family so we should not go to the beach without them. My step mom is a fantastic gourmet cook. I am a mom with 2 kids. She enjoys making multi course meals. She expects others to do the same in return. If I manage a protein, a vegetable and a starch on a plate, I consider that a success. She starts her meals with an app, a soup, and salad followed by the main course and dessert. Everything is homemade and delicious. She has come right out and told me she does not enjoy store bought food and won't eat it. I just can't cook like she does and yes, they eat like that every night.

The last time we tried this a few years ago it didn't work out well. There were a lot of hurt feelings around expectations that were not communicated. This time my brother and I just wanted a fun, non stressful vacation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the grandparents want to spend time with the kids and they are old enough, why not send the grandkids to stay with them during the summer when none of the parents are on vacation. It's great to have some kid free time!

Plus, the grandkids will love it. Just make sure the grandparents are up for taking care of the kids.

I would agree this is a great idea. But with her mom living with them, it's hard. Unfortunately, taking care of her is very similar to taking care of an infant. Since her mom moved in, they no longer babysit my kids. It's just too much for them. I could propose flying the kids down a week early and having them stay with me if the kids schedules permit this. I could take them to my parents every day or my dad could pick them up and do something with them. I'd even be willing to enroll the kids in day camp and go to my parents for dinner each night with them if all day is too much for them.

Ot but how do they take care of her? Do they do it themselves? Or does she have a nurse/aid/companion? Do they take her everywhere?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the grandparents want to spend time with the kids and they are old enough, why not send the grandkids to stay with them during the summer when none of the parents are on vacation. It's great to have some kid free time!

Plus, the grandkids will love it. Just make sure the grandparents are up for taking care of the kids.

I would agree this is a great idea. But with her mom living with them, it's hard. Unfortunately, taking care of her is very similar to taking care of an infant. Since her mom moved in, they no longer babysit my kids. It's just too much for them. I could propose flying the kids down a week early and having them stay with me if the kids schedules permit this. I could take them to my parents every day or my dad could pick them up and do something with them. I'd even be willing to enroll the kids in day camp and go to my parents for dinner each night with them if all day is too much for them.

Anonymous wrote:Op given you all see your dad and family frequently, then I don't think it is unreasonable to want some time with just your brother and the kids.

I would just keep reinforcing what you have told them - not this time. Tell them you are on different schedules, have different routines and have different needs and this vacation isn't the time for everyone to be together.

If you and your brother end up deciding to 'cave', is it an option for your dad and co to rent a nearby cottage where you could spend time together during the day but still have your own house and your own routines.