Anonymous
Post 05/03/2014 03:32     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Dear Mom,

Were you ever happy being married to Dad? If not, why didn't you divorce him after having your first child? I wouldn't have minded not being born if it had kept both of you from being miserable most of your lives. It was so hard to find you and Dad a card on your milestone anniversary. Wish you could be happy this Mother's Day.

Love,

Your daughter
Anonymous
Post 05/02/2014 17:35     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.


The lack of empathy for what children of dysfunctional families go through is shocking. "Takes 2 to tango," for instance, is a mind-bogglingly stupid comment: that poster has decided to disregard the basic dynamics of a parent-child relationship to criticize the child of an abusive parent.


I am the poster of the "takes 2 to tango" comment and I stand by it. I had a very abusive father and while I agree that a child is an innocent victim, at one point, we all grow up and we must take charge of our lives. So, if you are an adult, parent yourself, and go looking for dysfunctional cards to send to your abusive mother, you absolutely are at fault for the dysfunction as well. Just move on - forgive, forget or cut them off.



I think you missed the point of the OP. It's just a dark humor perspective on a difficult situation, not a plan of action. It's okay to make jokes about a painful childhood - even healthy. Maybe it's not for you, but it helps a lot of us.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2014 16:26     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who read OP's post as dark humor and not an actual request for an actual paper card that was actually intended to be sent in the mail?


You're not the only one, I found the OP and subsequent "cards" enjoyable to read. Nothing more than a vent.


Same here!
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2014 09:21     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who read OP's post as dark humor and not an actual request for an actual paper card that was actually intended to be sent in the mail?


You're not the only one, I found the OP and subsequent "cards" enjoyable to read. Nothing more than a vent.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2014 08:54     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:OMG. I go through this every year with my borderline mother. No card can be good enough compared to the card I get for my father for Father's Day. No card cannot be picked apart for subtle insult.

Here's the best example. In 2006 I had my first child in late spring by c/s. I was so proud of myself that I got it together, got her into her layers of clothes, got myself dressed and dragged us both to Whole Foods to buy mom a MD card, found a stamp and mailed it on time! Yay me! They didn't have a huge selection of cards but I found one that was innocuous and pleasant or so I thought. It had a cute little frog on the front and a glass of fizzy champagne and said "Have a Hoppy Mother's Day!


She called saying she had to talk to me because she was concerned and hurt about my card. Her complaints: (1) She did not know what the frog "meant" and it was ugly; (2) since I don't drink so why was there champagne on the card; (3) the joke wasn't funny.



Your mom should not have complained, but have you noticed that many cards just do not hit the mark? They are either too flowery, or not funny, or just odd. But your mom was not being nice.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2014 07:20     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Dear Mom

I hope all of your persian rugs and other luxuries you bought when I was young serve you well as company in the nursing home. Yes, I know they were more important than putting food on the table because we were "poor". Thank you for squandering your parents' fortune as I had no opportunity to become the entitled spoiled daughter that you are. Also thank you for having excuses for everything. You taught me to be self reliant as I couldn't ever count on you.

Thanks Again!
Anonymous
Post 04/29/2014 20:25     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Am I the only person who read OP's post as dark humor and not an actual request for an actual paper card that was actually intended to be sent in the mail?

The people who keep arguing about OP's depravity for considering sending such a card have missed the point.

Here's the card I'm looking for (just kidding people, I'm not actually looking for this card to send!):

Dear Mom,

You had a good streak of luck for all those decades. But by becoming a mom myself, I finally realized what you have been up to all these years. Good luck being an aging narcissist, I've heard it's very unpleasant.

Sincerely,
Your (finally) emancipated daughter
Anonymous
Post 04/28/2014 21:33     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.


The lack of empathy for what children of dysfunctional families go through is shocking. "Takes 2 to tango," for instance, is a mind-bogglingly stupid comment: that poster has decided to disregard the basic dynamics of a parent-child relationship to criticize the child of an abusive parent.


I am the poster of the "takes 2 to tango" comment and I stand by it. I had a very abusive father and while I agree that a child is an innocent victim, at one point, we all grow up and we must take charge of our lives. So, if you are an adult, parent yourself, and go looking for dysfunctional cards to send to your abusive mother, you absolutely are at fault for the dysfunction as well. Just move on - forgive, forget or cut them off.

Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 23:49     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Was at the store looking for a Mother's Day card that just said "happy mother's day" or "hope you have a beautiful day" -- something plain and simple. But they all had all sorts of sentimental stuff on them I just can't send. So it's a blank card with flowers on it that I'll write out my own simple "have a lovely day" message.

OP, I understand.

Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 23:45     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.


The lack of empathy for what children of dysfunctional families go through is shocking. "Takes 2 to tango," for instance, is a mind-bogglingly stupid comment: that poster has decided to disregard the basic dynamics of a parent-child relationship to criticize the child of an abusive parent.



Agreed. I think if I finally got through to someone by using the example of a deranged, violent person who attacked someone on the subway. Would you say the violent person and his random victim are both at fault? That it takes two to tango because the victim happened to be there? Probably not. Some parents or siblings are abusive or violent.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 12:59     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Happy Mother's Day Mom,

I was really stumped trying to find a card for you and then I remembered how you raised me to be resourceful. Fortunately, you and I have the same online habits so I knew just where to find you: DCUM.

You spent so much time with me at your knee while you surfed, laughed derisively and pounded out all your wisdom into a little reply window. Your use of smilies is inspired.

I think of you every time I see the forum headings for Fifty and Over and Relationship Discussion (non-explicit).

So hat's off to you, Mom. I know you'll read this here on this anonymous message board and be touched.

Love,
Larla


Huh?


In response to the poster who felt she should post a public missive to her dead mother in a thread about Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards. Someone who wants to send a message that everyone else is petty and unfeeling while she has the right perspective. She's like the person who has to counter the grandparent complaint threads with 'you should stop complaining about your overbearing mother/father/MIL/FIL because my parents/ILs don't even care about my snowflakes.'
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 12:47     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:Happy Mother's Day Mom,

I was really stumped trying to find a card for you and then I remembered how you raised me to be resourceful. Fortunately, you and I have the same online habits so I knew just where to find you: DCUM.

You spent so much time with me at your knee while you surfed, laughed derisively and pounded out all your wisdom into a little reply window. Your use of smilies is inspired.

I think of you every time I see the forum headings for Fifty and Over and Relationship Discussion (non-explicit).

So hat's off to you, Mom. I know you'll read this here on this anonymous message board and be touched.

Love,
Larla


Huh?
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 10:31     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.


The lack of empathy for what children of dysfunctional families go through is shocking. "Takes 2 to tango," for instance, is a mind-bogglingly stupid comment: that poster has decided to disregard the basic dynamics of a parent-child relationship to criticize the child of an abusive parent.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 10:16     Subject: Re:Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Dear Mom, You made the mistake of your life trusting your sons. Thank god your pain is over now. We miss you, love your daughters.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2014 10:13     Subject: Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards
Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.


Type it out and send it. done.