Anonymous wrote:In my neighborhood I see a lot of very white moms getting ignored, hit, and yelled at and yanked by their (I assume) children. It's disrespectful behavior where moms are getting marginalized. By kids that are like one and two year old, and up from there. They are often very upset over what seems to be stuff moms do--like trying to keep their kids from making noise on the street. I often am so horrified I want to say something, but I have been biting my tongue. Is this an white thing? I live in a white neighborhood. I am not trying to get racist here but I don't feel comfortable asking anyone I know who might have insight about these situations.

Lol epic

Anonymous wrote:Yup AA mom here. I do not spank my DCs but I do not tolerate bad behavior in public. I am all fun and games to a point but they know there is a line. Hitting, being rude to adults falling out on the ground are all things they have done once or twice. I think that kids know what an adult will tolerate. When one of DC fell out on the floor in a tantrum at a birthday party (without cause) it was the nuclear option the first time. We left. No yelling, etc. we just left. I don't negotiate with terrorists

To be fair, in private, I am a little more lenient. But I am always thinking about the lack of slack AA kids get in the world so my standards have to be high.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more a cultural or regional thing. White southerners are far stricter and hold their kids to higher standards of decorum to NE white people. They are more likely to spank their kids. I grew up in both regions and as a kid noticed a huge difference. African Americans tend to have southern roots. It's the same culture in many ways.

I'm not in favor of hitting kids in any way. But I do think a lot of times African American kids are nicer to their elders than white kids in this city. Even putting aside spanking, I think African American parents are just not as likely to put up with insolence, poor behavior, rolling eyes, etc.

And I'm white, FYI.

I agree. This has been my (anecdotal) experience as well. I am Asian.

Another AA parent here. I am the same way as the other AA parent about behavior in public. Honestly, I am very sensitive to the stereotype (sometimes perpetuated here in DCUM) that people have about AA children. So my kids know how Mommy gets down if they want to act up in public. We cease whatever activity and we head home - no tolerance. PP is right on - kid learn early on what the can get away with and with whom

Anonymous wrote:Yup AA mom here. I do not spank my DCs but I do not tolerate bad behavior in public. I am all fun and games to a point but they know there is a line. Hitting, being rude to adults falling out on the ground are all things they have done once or twice. I think that kids know what an adult will tolerate. When one of DC fell out on the floor in a tantrum at a birthday party (without cause) it was the nuclear option the first time. We left. No yelling, etc. we just left. I don't negotiate with terrorists

In my experience middle class white parents and middle class black parents meet with different parenting expectations within their respective racial communities. When in a group of predominantly African American there tends to be an expectation that parents will be strict (quickly shut down yelling, roughhousing, getting dirty, acting silly, and definitely talking back). Among white parents I find that giving a child a hard look, isolating the child, telling a child not to do that because the child will get dirty is all seen as overly punitive, looked down up, and just makes other white parents uncomfortable. I find that I'm less strict with my child when we are around other white parents because I don't want to have other parents talking about how I'm horrible to my child.

Personally I think kids turn out fine with more permissive or more strict parents as long as those styles aren't taken to an extreme.

Yup AA mom here. I do not spank my DCs but I do not tolerate bad behavior in public. I am all fun and games to a point but they know there is a line. Hitting, being rude to adults falling out on the ground are all things they have done once or twice. I think that kids know what an adult will tolerate. When one of DC fell out on the floor in a tantrum at a birthday party (without cause) it was the nuclear option the first time. We left. No yelling, etc. we just left. I don't negotiate with terrorists

To be fair, in private, I am a little more lenient. But I am always thinking about the lack of slack AA kids get in the world so my standards have to be high.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more a cultural or regional thing. White southerners are far stricter and hold their kids to higher standards of decorum to NE white people. They are more likely to spank their kids. I grew up in both regions and as a kid noticed a huge difference. African Americans tend to have southern roots. It's the same culture in many ways.

I'm not in favor of hitting kids in any way. But I do think a lot of times African American kids are nicer to their elders than white kids in this city. Even putting aside spanking, I think African American parents are just not as likely to put up with insolence, poor behavior, rolling eyes, etc.

And I'm white, FYI.

I agree. This has been my (anecdotal) experience as well. I am Asian.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I was sitting at a restaurant in Cleveland Park when my friend's six year old slapped the shit out of my friend. Well, not actually. But, she clocked my friend pretty hard across the face. I looked in amazement waiting for my girlfriend to excuse herself and take the kid to the restroom. It didn't happen. My girlfriend tried compromising with a six year old, until the kid struck her again. Finally, the father got up and took the kid from the table, kicking and screaming. I looked at my six year old and said, " don't even think about pulling that act". I felt sorry for my friend. That child is now a very bright, smart, precocious, disrespectful ten-year old that many have no desire to be around for long periods of time.

Sounds like every "gifted" child I've ever had the misfortune to come across.

Right! She is "spirited" and as parents, they should encourage her natural feistiness and passion - even if it means catching a right hook to the jaw. LOL. I do not spank - not because I do not believe in it, but because my kids have never gotten to that point. My DH's booming voice or my glare usually does it. But if a child that I birthed ever slapped me across the face at 6YO (twice!) she woud be lucky if a trip to the restroom is all she got.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Black(medium-well), and I was raised by my dad and "Spare not the rod" stepmother, the latter who beat me in the name of Jesus with any and everything she could get her hands on. At 8yo I got the courage to jump and punch her in the face. Fast forward 22 years I still have no regrets about doing that. Anyway, I can't imagine why would someone physically harm a person that they claim to love. Also, raising a young AA child I don't want him to get the impression that it is ok to attack someone that you felt has commited an infraction. What type of example would I be setting by beating him?

You were abused/beaten, not spanked. Why do so many anti-spankers not get the difference?

+ 2.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I was sitting at a restaurant in Cleveland Park when my friend's six year old slapped the shit out of my friend. Well, not actually. But, she clocked my friend pretty hard across the face. I looked in amazement waiting for my girlfriend to excuse herself and take the kid to the restroom. It didn't happen. My girlfriend tried compromising with a six year old, until the kid struck her again. Finally, the father got up and took the kid from the table, kicking and screaming. I looked at my six year old and said, " don't even think about pulling that act". I felt sorry for my friend. That child is now a very bright, smart, precocious, disrespectful ten-year old that many have no desire to be around for long periods of time.

Sounds like every "gifted" child I've ever had the misfortune to come across.

Anonymous wrote:I'm Black(medium-well), and I was raised by my dad and "Spare not the rod" stepmother, the latter who beat me in the name of Jesus with any and everything she could get her hands on. At 8yo I got the courage to jump and punch her in the face. Fast forward 22 years I still have no regrets about doing that. Anyway, I can't imagine why would someone physically harm a person that they claim to love. Also, raising a young AA child I don't want him to get the impression that it is ok to attack someone that you felt has commited an infraction. What type of example would I be setting by beating him?

You were abused/beaten, not spanked. Why do so many anti-spankers not get the difference?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I was sitting at a restaurant in Cleveland Park when my friend's six year old slapped the shit out of my friend. Well, not actually. But, she clocked my friend pretty hard across the face. I looked in amazement waiting for my girlfriend to excuse herself and take the kid to the restroom. It didn't happen. My girlfriend tried compromising with a six year old, until the kid struck her again. Finally, the father got up and took the kid from the table, kicking and screaming. I looked at my six year old and said, " don't even think about pulling that act". I felt sorry for my friend. That child is now a very bright, smart, precocious, disrespectful ten-year old that many have no desire to be around for long periods of time.

That's crazy to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I have three kids. None of them ever hit, not even as a toddler.

That's great. But most toddlers do hit. They lack the verbal skills to talk through emotions, so they act out physically. Very normal. Hitting the child back is wrong and does not teach the child hitting is wrong. Mad parents, you enable the child - not by reasoning (because they really don't understand it at this age) but by consequences. A consequence from hitting can be a time our, sitting on the think about it chair, go to their room until they calm down.

NP here. I'm responding to the bolded statement above. I have 2 children- the older one never hit either as a toddler or preschooler and only now, as a 6 year old, is starting to defend herself from her younger brother. She is so passive that it's worrisome and DH and I were wondering if we needed to get medical advice as to her passivity. On the other hand, her brother has been a hitter and a biter, so he's more than made up for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I have three kids. None of them ever hit, not even as a toddler.

That's great. But most toddlers do hit. They lack the verbal skills to talk through emotions, so they act out physically. Very normal. Hitting the child back is wrong and does not teach the child hitting is wrong. Mad parents, you enable the child - not by reasoning (because they really don't understand it at this age) but by consequences. A consequence from hitting can be a time our, sitting on the think about it chair, go to their room until they calm down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I have three kids. None of them ever hit, not even as a toddler.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white mom and my toddler has slapped me. He goes in time out. Hitting a child is only reinforcing violence, not detering it. My parents beat the crap out of me. I feared them. I'm not doing that to my children.

Sounds like a promising young psychopath you're raising. Have fun visiting him in prison!

+1

Really? You're nuts. The kid is a TODDLER. Anyone who says their toddler HASN'T hit is lying. Now, if your 5 year old did it, that's another story.

I was sitting at a restaurant in Cleveland Park when my friend's six year old slapped the shit out of my friend. Well, not actually. But, she clocked my friend pretty hard across the face. I looked in amazement waiting for my girlfriend to excuse herself and take the kid to the restroom. It didn't happen. My girlfriend tried compromising with a six year old, until the kid struck her again. Finally, the father got up and took the kid from the table, kicking and screaming. I looked at my six year old and said, " don't even think about pulling that act". I felt sorry for my friend. That child is now a very bright, smart, precocious, disrespectful ten-year old that many have no desire to be around for long periods of time.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more a cultural or regional thing. White southerners are far stricter and hold their kids to higher standards of decorum to NE white people. They are more likely to spank their kids. I grew up in both regions and as a kid noticed a huge difference. African Americans tend to have southern roots. It's the same culture in many ways.

I'm not in favor of hitting kids in any way. But I do think a lot of times African American kids are nicer to their elders than white kids in this city. Even putting aside spanking, I think African American parents are just not as likely to put up with insolence, poor behavior, rolling eyes, etc.

And I'm white, FYI.

I agree. This has been my (anecdotal) experience as well. I am Asian.

No Indian bashing recently?