Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:47     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think I know how you feel. I will get flamed but I too would advise you to cut down on savings. Definitely no retirement savings for H until he gets back on his feet. And college savings reduce the chances of getting a need based scholarship. Stock up some cash/make investments for a rainy day but don't overthink this. Yes you may not be able to afford retirement in a fancy community, but you won't starve and you won't be homeless. If you concentrate on keeping a healthy mind in a healthy body, I am sure you won't be a burden on your kid or kids.
I would not have a second child but that's just me. I am sure you will be able to afford a second child once the older one is in K.


I know we live in a crazy bubble here, but if you make $150K, your kid is not going to get need-based financial aid at most schools.

Keep saving for retirement. Find inexpensive fun things to do--this area is full of free museums and parks. National parks are not free, but admission is pretty cheap and an annual pass can be a real bargain. Take overnight trips to nearby locations. There are lots of places to go wine-tasting nearby, which is inexpensive. Buy discount tickets to performances on Goldstar, or go to the Kennedy Center's Millenium Stage for a free show every night at 6:00. We watch a lot of movies on Netflix--a foreign film, a bottle of wine, and some chocolate is a nice in-home date night. Find neighbors or friends to trade babysitting with so you can get out. Keep exercising--take walks as a family, jog around the block, etc. Some yoga studios give you free/discounted passes if you volunteer. Buy cheaper groceries--eat more vegetarian meals and less meat, which is expensive. Reconsider your bills--can you get a cheaper cable/phone package? Are you doing all you can to reduce your energy usage and minimize your utilities?
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:36     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


How old is your child? Our two-year-old's daycare is a bit cheaper than that.

And how old are you? You can space out your children so there's just a small overlap in the daycare--long enough that you'll guarantee your sibling preference, but otherwise cheaper.

Our combined salary is a bit higher ($170s) with mortgage and daycare nearly a thousand less than yours, though we do have student debt yet, and I hear you about needing to be careful about budgeting. Hang in there. The daycare years won't last forever, and your incomes may yet go up, if never back to what you had before. Someone mentioned saving less for college and retirement--we're not saving for college right now, though we are saving for retirement.

Sure, it's tight, but globally, we are still rich beyond what most of the world ever sees. Start lowering your expectations, be grateful for a warm house and regular meals, your health, your child's smile, your husband. Especially find ways to appreciate your husband. Do free local things with your kid, there are tons. Find new recipes to cook at home, find some good consignment shops. Look around and open your eyes to what you have in front of you. I bet it's a lot.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:26     Subject: Re:Depressed over lifestyle
Luray and Baltimore are pretty bad. Both are a day trip, not a vacation.


Wow, that's horrible. There are fun things to do in both locations, and this person is spending time with their child.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:23     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is an attorney and lost his job when the legal market tanked. Our mortgage is 2400 per month and day care is 1500(find me something cheaper I beg you. Does not exist). After saving for retirement and college and paying bills and groceries we have no discretionary money. I am just sad at my reality. I am fully aware it's fine but it's not at all what I imagined. Disappointment


I'm a little confused at your math. I'm a single mom. I'm making $120K. I'm paying about what you're paying for mortgage and daycare. I'm saving $4K a year for son's college but much much less for my own retirement. When DS is 10, I plan to invert that and save more like $4K for my retirement and put aside more like $2K for his college, assuming things are still financially as they are now. Things are tight, but by no means terrible. We go out to eat about two times a week; I am able to have wonderful birthdays with him and buy him the presents I want to buy him; we are planning a vacation to Luray Caves and maybe another to Baltimore this summer... I don't seem to be as angry or resentful as you, and I just wonder what else is going on with your money. I drive an old late model cheapo but reliable car, so low insurance and no car payment. I don't have cable and have a boring cheapo phone ($35+ taxes a month). I keep our thermostat really low and buy some of my clothes at Goodwill.

I also have looked into the afterschool care and it's A LOT less, so I am optimistic in 2 years that maybe things will ease up (as I won't be paying for daycare.)

I'm honestly not trying to sound mean, but I am truly confused by why you'd be so upset at your finances...


Your vacations are crap. Your standards are low.


Luray and Baltimore are pretty bad. Both are a day trip, not a vacation.


Oh, okay. So only people who can afford the vacations you two style arbiters think are appropriate vacations can take them? PP is spot on: if these are what she can afford, the those are great vacations. And I wonder how boring you two are if you couldn't make anything more than a day trip out of Baltimore.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:12     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
OP, did you not know his market at all? We made this same jump, but planned it to be smooth. It was a bit rough at first, but now my life couldn't be happier. You have to focus on things that don't cost money and stop being such a money-grubbing bitch.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 08:04     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
07:58 poster here to OP:

I can sympathize. But...my advice to you would be to chin up and find new friends if you're depressed about what you can afford. Try to be grateful for what you have and check out of the rat race. My sense is that you want to shop like you did on 400K.

Trust me-- I understand. These will be slim years--in a few years, you'll get a promotion when the kid goes to elementary school. Until then, try to find happiness in living with less. That will make it all that much sweeter when you have more disposable income when the kid goes to elementary school. Or, as PP, make more $ yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 07:58     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shame on nasty posters who are denigrating Luray Caverns and Baltimore as vacation spots. They may not be your choice, but the mom is trying to give her child the vacation she can afford. You would berate her is she were running up her credit card by taking the child to Disney World. Giver her a break


+1


Seriously + 1000. I summered in a tony area on the New England coast, traveled abroad, but I have GREAT memories of going on random day trips to places like Luray Caverns with my parents. It's not where you are, it's your mind set.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 07:09     Subject: Re:Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:My sister and BIL are in a smilier situation. He made mad money during "the boom" (construction loan financing) and for the past 5 years has made 25 percent of his "old" salary. They think that the old 350k years are right around the corner instead of realizing that 1250-150k years will most likely be the bulk of his career. They really resent my husband and I who make close to his old salary but I am a CNA and my husband is a physician (i.e.: more stable career choices) and when they say things like "wait you could be making 1/5 of your salary next year" I just role my eyes. So I guess I am curious whether your DH fell into good money and those years are long gone or if he somehow lapsed into a low paying position but will likely be making a move into a higher paying position at some point? Because if not the later you might as well just adjust not.


Maybe don't 'roll' your eyes, bc your jobs may not be as stable as you think once the ACA kicks in and starts squeezing costs. People should be in medicine to help people not make the big bucks.

Btw, are you a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA)? EVERYONE is getting that easy certifificate/masters bc it pays well but there be an over supply soon and pay will drop. Same thing happened 5 it's ago with pharmacists.

OP husband did sim for a stable lucrative job, but was stung by an over supply of attorneys and a sea change in the legal profession.

Just maybe learn to be less righteous and more appreciative of what you have.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 06:50     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shame on nasty posters who are denigrating Luray Caverns and Baltimore as vacation spots. They may not be your choice, but the mom is trying to give her child the vacation she can afford. You would berate her is she were running up her credit card by taking the child to Disney World. Giver her a break


+1
yep, i agree. those posters are just ..well... snobs.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 06:44     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:Shame on nasty posters who are denigrating Luray Caverns and Baltimore as vacation spots. They may not be your choice, but the mom is trying to give her child the vacation she can afford. You would berate her is she were running up her credit card by taking the child to Disney World. Giver her a break


Word. My childhood vacations included camping trips and visiting extended family (thankfully, a couple lived near a beach). And you know what? It was fun! lots of good memories. Kids aren't as judgemental as adults. Good for you PP for giving your child some experiences within your ability.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 06:40     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand how you feel. I'm sure I would feel the same. People can be so self-righteous with their comments. I think in order to move on you have to accept (even mourn) that the life you thought you would have (at least financially) is over. Then focus on moving forward with the life you have now. Definitely talk to a financial planner who can help restructure your savings and retirement goals given your new reality. I also think moving is not a bad idea- start over somewhere a lot less expensive without all the pressures inherent in living in DC. Has your husband reached out to his law school's career services office for help and advice? They might know of other opportunities both in and out of DC.


So many thrift store shoppers and coupon clippers and unwaxed women come out of the woodworks for posts like these. Martyr central.


Eh, well maybe these things didn't occur to OP as options yet? So maybe it will be helpful.

Honestly though, I get it to a degree. We make that much and don't have kids yet- we have extra income right now to work on house projects, take overseas vacations, etc., and I know when we have kids we won't be able to do that stuff as easily. Going from $400k to $150k requires a change in lifestyle. IF you do have a good retirement cushion from your time at the higher income, give yourself a break and decrease the contributions for a bit. A visit to a financial planner could help you figure out how much you need to stash away each month- are you still saving at the rate to support your former lifestyle in retirement, for instance.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 06:08     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Anonymous wrote:Shame on nasty posters who are denigrating Luray Caverns and Baltimore as vacation spots. They may not be your choice, but the mom is trying to give her child the vacation she can afford. You would berate her is she were running up her credit card by taking the child to Disney World. Giver her a break


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 01:49     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
OP, I think I know how you feel. I will get flamed but I too would advise you to cut down on savings. Definitely no retirement savings for H until he gets back on his feet. And college savings reduce the chances of getting a need based scholarship. Stock up some cash/make investments for a rainy day but don't overthink this. Yes you may not be able to afford retirement in a fancy community, but you won't starve and you won't be homeless. If you concentrate on keeping a healthy mind in a healthy body, I am sure you won't be a burden on your kid or kids.
I would not have a second child but that's just me. I am sure you will be able to afford a second child once the older one is in K.
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 00:36     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Shame on nasty posters who are denigrating Luray Caverns and Baltimore as vacation spots. They may not be your choice, but the mom is trying to give her child the vacation she can afford. You would berate her is she were running up her credit card by taking the child to Disney World. Giver her a break
Anonymous
Post 04/21/2014 00:07     Subject: Depressed over lifestyle
Unwaxed women. That is some funny shit.