Anonymous
02/19/2015 12:40
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
How old are your daughters, can you ask their opinion? I remember knowing as a child who we'd go to if they died.
(I was upset by their choice, as it was an uncle I didn't know well; but in hindsight, I got to know him as an adult, and he would have been awesome).
(I was upset by their choice, as it was an uncle I didn't know well; but in hindsight, I got to know him as an adult, and he would have been awesome).
Anonymous
02/19/2015 12:40
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
I didn't real the last two pages, but this is what we decided when considering my kind of cold SIL to warmer grandparents.
Your older son will be around a LONG time and will become more competent in terms of ability, financially, and maturity with age. Chances are your kids would not have to lose HIM too
Grandma will probably get sick or die before kids are 20. I mean, really, it's way more likely that they'd face another loss.
Go with your son, especially since he wants them! Get a life insurance policy that takes the financial sting off, and have him spend time with them regularly. It's the better choice in so many ways.
Your older son will be around a LONG time and will become more competent in terms of ability, financially, and maturity with age. Chances are your kids would not have to lose HIM too
Grandma will probably get sick or die before kids are 20. I mean, really, it's way more likely that they'd face another loss.
Go with your son, especially since he wants them! Get a life insurance policy that takes the financial sting off, and have him spend time with them regularly. It's the better choice in so many ways.
Anonymous
02/19/2015 12:35
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
My grandparents did this. My dad's little brother has never forgiven him for some of the tough decisions he made. 40 years later, he's still angry about decisions by 25-year-old dad made. In my opinion, it wasn't fair to put him in that position. Of course my dad loved his little brother, he just didn't have that role in his brother's life and the two of them were both reeling from their loss.
Anonymous
02/19/2015 12:28
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
I'd also vote for the brother. I think that my older siblings were named as my guardians in my parents' will (they were 17 years older than I). Obviously, it would have changed their life significantly if my parents had died, but I think that's a given either way. Odds are good that you won't die tomorrow...but the odds increase a bit with every passing year. And with every passing year, he'll be better situated to care for the kids, and your mom will be less well situated. Maybe you could write a letter that expresses your hope that your mother will assist your son to the fullest extent possible, maybe taking the children when your son needs a break to be a wild 20-something? Something that will make your mother feel not snubbed and like you did want her to be part of helping raising your younger kids.
Anonymous
02/19/2015 11:27
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is far too much responsibility to burden a young adult with who has yet to achieve a graduate degree, let alone secure his first job and establish a household with a partner. He means well but cannot possibly fathom what his role as a guardian would require. I say this as someone in their fifties who had to assume guardianship over two elementary-aged relatives due to the sudden demise of their parents. I have an attorney, accountant, and a stable marriage, grown kids and my own experience in navigating life and running a household to fall back on. Even so, the logistical and emotional challenges are staggering. Keep Grandma as the guardian.
Fuck off. You don't have to have a graduate degree, a partner, a white picket fence, and a career to raise kids. You especially don't need tones things when the kids come with the funding they will need. You can meet all of your requirements and have no sense about raising kids. It's a learning process. I'd feel more comfortable having someone young rising my kids who is aware of modern norms than a grandparent who is head strong, thinks they're better than every young parent, and is likely to die before the children even make it to adulthood.
+1
Anonymous
02/19/2015 11:26
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Your choice is their grandmother, who you don't seemed very thrilled with those prospects and your son, who outright asked you to let him be their guardian? I'm sorry what's the issue? Hands down keep the siblings together. Poor girls if they are stuck with their grandmother.
Anonymous
02/17/2015 08:30
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Party of Five
Anonymous
02/14/2015 20:16
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
I would choose grandma if your son hadn't known. But since your son asked and is hurt, I think you should change it to him. It's unlikely that both you and your DH would die in the next 15 years.
Anonymous
02/14/2015 20:06
Subject: Re:Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Why choose someone older than you who is more likely to die sooner? He might be older if it happened, and he might be married by then or more responsible or making his own money.
Anonymous
02/14/2015 10:52
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Anonymous wrote:This weekend our 22 yr old was asking what happens/what he should do if we both die at the same time. After we went over almost all of the logistics, it became clear to him that our two elementary school aged children would go to grandma. It's not a choice we're thrilled with, but she'd do. He was hurt and suggested and then flat out asked that we consider that they go to him instead. We said we'd think about it.
He is in grad school, has a great relationship with the kids (they all sent each other gifts for National Siblings Day without parental prompting), is very responsible, and we have money stashed for college for the little kids and he'd be able to support them off life insurance while they're growing up. But they would severely cramp his style of being a young adult if we actually both died. Although at least they'd all be together (which if the kids lived with grandma, they wouldn't).
Thoughts? What are we not thinking of?
I am 4 years older than my sister but the second I turned 18 my parents changed guardianship to me. It makes sense as we are close and we would still have lots of support. I think it makes sense, especially if you can stipulate that someone else controls the money, and you know he will have support.
Anonymous
04/23/2014 22:35
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't have any advice on this, but I just want to comment that you must have raised a great kid if he would push to have custody of his young siblings.
He's been my favorite for years.
Anonymous
04/23/2014 13:26
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
OP, I don't have any advice on this, but I just want to comment that you must have raised a great kid if he would push to have custody of his young siblings.
Anonymous
04/21/2014 10:06
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
Go for it OP.
Figure out what monetary help youir son will need for the X years it will take for your younger kids to be settled and then some more AND buy a generous Term Life insurance to make it happen. At the minimum buy 10 times your current yearly salary (Term Life) - at least - for the next X years that your kids need help.
Figure out what monetary help youir son will need for the X years it will take for your younger kids to be settled and then some more AND buy a generous Term Life insurance to make it happen. At the minimum buy 10 times your current yearly salary (Term Life) - at least - for the next X years that your kids need help.
Anonymous
04/20/2014 21:47
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
OP, we also have discussed with our oldest (21) making him the guardian. In the past it was my folks, but with age and my dad having Parkinsons (progressing) we are all talking about the guardian being DS. With involement of my folks as much as possible. My bro does not wish to do it and that's fine.
We have life insurance and the kids would get SS so they'd be ok money wise. After our new baby comes this fall, we will probably do the legal paperwork needed.
We have life insurance and the kids would get SS so they'd be ok money wise. After our new baby comes this fall, we will probably do the legal paperwork needed.
Anonymous
04/19/2014 15:00
Subject: Giving custody of younger sibs to oldest sib if we die
I am in almost the exact stage of life as your son (23, in grad school, overall very responsible, currently living very far away from family). I have a cousin (who is practically a sister to me) with two young children, and I would gladly uproot my life to care for her girls if something happened to her and her DH.
In my case, I'm not named as their guardian because her DH has a sibling in a closer life stage (which absolutely makes sense to me), but it doesn't sound like you have that option. To be honest, if something happened to my cousin, I would probably still uproot my life to be close to her girls, even not as their guardian, and I'm betting your son would too.
In my case, I'm not named as their guardian because her DH has a sibling in a closer life stage (which absolutely makes sense to me), but it doesn't sound like you have that option. To be honest, if something happened to my cousin, I would probably still uproot my life to be close to her girls, even not as their guardian, and I'm betting your son would too.