Anonymous
04/03/2014 15:04
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Interesting posts from the docs - thank you for your thoughtfulness. Very surprised to hear the number of people who are so "against" doctors. Wow. Just wow. I hope you're not ever in my care.
Considering you work in an ICU, I hope I'm never in your care either.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 14:42
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Interesting posts from the docs - thank you for your thoughtfulness. Very surprised to hear the number of people who are so "against" doctors. Wow. Just wow. I hope you're not ever in my care.
Snork! Given the rate of iatrogenic injury and HAI, I sure hope so too!
Anonymous
04/03/2014 14:33
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
OP here: Interesting posts from the docs - thank you for your thoughtfulness. Very surprised to hear the number of people who are so "against" doctors. Wow. Just wow. I hope you're not ever in my care.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 12:57
Subject: Re:If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
There are a lot of careers that deal with the worst humanity has to offer- nurses, social workers, EMTs, fire fighters, police, prison guards. So the doc's spouse wants to use them as an emotional diaper. That's what spouses are for sometimes, it may not be in the field manual or in the job description but it happens. Just because your job comes with money and power doesn't mean you should be a callous asshole.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 12:36
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you unsympathetic to their needs?
I'm a critical care/ICU doctor and sometimes, I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananas. Just want to know if I'm alone.
I make an effort to listen to patients who think that their 1 year history of constipation is an emergency. I care about my family a hell of a lot more than random patients. Therefore, I make an effort to listen to their vents... even if it seems trivial to me. If your spouse is calling you while you are working in the ICU to complain about trivial stuff, then I would be irritated.
Please state what practice you are at so I can avoid ever seeing you. Genuine humility goes a long way.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 12:20
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
You are confusing two different posters. I am a pediatric intensivist, I did not say my DH drives me bananas, etc. I think that's an ER doc - a different poster. /quote]
You are correct, I am confusing you two. My bad.
I will never look at a dead or horribly injured child, shrug and think " oh well, shit happens" if you think that qualifies as sanctimony, I'm fine with that. I'm very calm and compassionate with my patients and families but occasionally you experience something that, when it's over, you just have to process for a few days before you decide where to file it away.
Nope, this sounds much more balanced, esp. when not conflated with the OP. Cheers!
Anonymous
04/03/2014 10:30
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the armchair psych consult
You're welcome - it's amateur too, but then you're looking for validation on an anonymous forum rather than talking to a pro.
however the day I am so "toughened up" that seeing a child burned alive for crying or beaten to death for soiling his diaper fails to bother me is the day I quit medicine.
Oh Doctor Kildaire! Your saintliness is beyond reproach!
Give up the sanctimony.
I suggested that maybe this stuff eats at you, and I don't believe that's sustainable. If your job is gut-wrenching on a regular basis, then you're gonna burn out. I don't doubt a minute you deal with some horrible shit, and major kudos to you for it, but at some point, most people have to be able to be a little cold and impartial about it, or they get eaten alive. I was defending Doctors who come off as 'unempathetic' as a result of developing this necessary emotional distance. As the other posted: in an emergent situation, you have to be cool calm and collected.
No idea why you feel I do not respect DH. I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananasHe actually says my work helps him keep his work in perspective.
You yourself came on here and said "I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananas".
That's why. Your own words. Not, "it's mildly annoying", but "it drives me bananas".
If it's bugging you enough to come on here complaining and looking for validation, then it's bugging you a lot and you think his worries and concerns are trivial.
Oh, and the fact that he says you help him keep his perspective? That's a measure of how much he respects you, not how much you respect him.
You are confusing two different posters. I am a pediatric intensivist, I did not say my DH drives me bananas, etc. I think that's an ER doc - a different poster. I will never look at a dead or horribly injured child, shrug and think " oh well, shit happens" if you think that qualifies as sanctimony, I'm fine with that. I'm very calm and compassionate with my patients and families but occasionally you experience something that, when it's over, you just have to process for a few days before you decide where to file it away.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 10:02
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
^Oops, sorry. Just realized that you said "and himself". Hey, at least he's fair about it.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 10:00
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Anonymous wrote:I'm married to a doctor as well. He's won multiple awards at work for his empathy with patients and fabulous teaching style with students and residents. He gets accolades and gifts left and right from patients who say he is kind and patient. He talks endlessly with a myriad of friends and family members who have medical questions.
However our kids and I (and himself) he is definitely of the "suck it up and deal with it unless you've lost a limb" mentality. We get almost zero hand-holding at home. I could be vomiting my brains out or birthing a child without anesthesia and he acts like it's all no big deal. And yes, he is able to show love and compassion to me in many ways. It's just when it comes to HEALTH concerns he's definitely of the "suck it up you could have it much worse" mentality with us.
Does he expect you to take care of him when he is sick? (running to the store to get meds, soup, tissues, etc) Or does he just suck it up and deal with it when he's sick?
Anonymous
04/03/2014 09:15
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
I'm married to a doctor as well. He's won multiple awards at work for his empathy with patients and fabulous teaching style with students and residents. He gets accolades and gifts left and right from patients who say he is kind and patient. He talks endlessly with a myriad of friends and family members who have medical questions.
However our kids and I (and himself) he is definitely of the "suck it up and deal with it unless you've lost a limb" mentality. We get almost zero hand-holding at home. I could be vomiting my brains out or birthing a child without anesthesia and he acts like it's all no big deal. And yes, he is able to show love and compassion to me in many ways. It's just when it comes to HEALTH concerns he's definitely of the "suck it up you could have it much worse" mentality with us.
However our kids and I (and himself) he is definitely of the "suck it up and deal with it unless you've lost a limb" mentality. We get almost zero hand-holding at home. I could be vomiting my brains out or birthing a child without anesthesia and he acts like it's all no big deal. And yes, he is able to show love and compassion to me in many ways. It's just when it comes to HEALTH concerns he's definitely of the "suck it up you could have it much worse" mentality with us.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 08:51
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
Appreciate the armchair psych consult
You're welcome - it's amateur too, but then you're looking for validation on an anonymous forum rather than talking to a pro.
however the day I am so "toughened up" that seeing a child burned alive for crying or beaten to death for soiling his diaper fails to bother me is the day I quit medicine.
Oh Doctor Kildaire! Your saintliness is beyond reproach!
Give up the sanctimony.
I suggested that maybe this stuff eats at you, and I don't believe that's sustainable. If your job is gut-wrenching on a regular basis, then you're gonna burn out. I don't doubt a minute you deal with some horrible shit, and major kudos to you for it, but at some point, most people have to be able to be a little cold and impartial about it, or they get eaten alive. I was defending Doctors who come off as 'unempathetic' as a result of developing this necessary emotional distance. As the other posted: in an emergent situation, you have to be cool calm and collected.
No idea why you feel I do not respect DH. I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananasHe actually says my work helps him keep his work in perspective.
You yourself came on here and said "I can't bear what a big deal my DH makes out of small problems. It drives me bananas".
That's why. Your own words. Not, "it's mildly annoying", but "it drives me bananas".
If it's bugging you enough to come on here complaining and looking for validation, then it's bugging you a lot and you think his worries and concerns are trivial.
Oh, and the fact that he says you help him keep his perspective? That's a measure of how much he respects you, not how much you respect him.
Anonymous
04/03/2014 01:28
Subject: Re:If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
I am a doctor, and I agree completely. I am very empathetic with the tragedies I deal with every day at work, and it does make me relatively less empathetic towards others who complain for small things. But someone had an interesting comment about the sort of person who is rational in an emergency - we are trained to not be emotional even when doing CPR, telling someone they have cancer, all other dreadful situation. We can't afford to be so emotional that we can't function; even after a code blue, I still have to go back to work and take care of other patients. I guess that can look like lack of empathy, but I really cry (later) about all the sad things I see.
Anonymous
04/02/2014 23:25
Subject: Re:If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
lol. i think thoughts like these expressed on this thread is probably part of the reason why physicians find themselves lacking sympathy.
Anonymous
04/02/2014 22:29
Subject: If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
DH is a doctor from Europe who did a stint in the ambulance for a couple of years in a very rough neighborhood. Machete wounds, suicides, drownings, etc.
The few times his toddler DD fell down the stairs (not all the way, though), and I panicked about concussions, he thew out casually: "Eh, what's a few neurons?".
He does tend to be extremely calm under pressure and has low empathy in general. High-functioning autism and high intelligence runs in his family.
I think there is a VERY important connection there. People in some professions need to think fast in urgent situations, which precludes an emotional response. So the ones best fitted to ICUs etc are probably people who tend to be rational and objective, ie, the least emotional/touchy-feely/sympathetic ones.
The few times his toddler DD fell down the stairs (not all the way, though), and I panicked about concussions, he thew out casually: "Eh, what's a few neurons?".
He does tend to be extremely calm under pressure and has low empathy in general. High-functioning autism and high intelligence runs in his family.
I think there is a VERY important connection there. People in some professions need to think fast in urgent situations, which precludes an emotional response. So the ones best fitted to ICUs etc are probably people who tend to be rational and objective, ie, the least emotional/touchy-feely/sympathetic ones.
Anonymous
04/02/2014 21:59
Subject: Re:If you are a physician and married to a non-physician....
TOP 10 JOBS THAT ATTRACTS PSYCHOPATHS
FROM - http://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyclay/2013/01/05/the-top-10-jobs-that-attract-psychopaths/
"
Everyone I have ever worked with has, at some point, called another colleague or coworker “crazy.” But does your job actually attract true psychopaths? In the book “The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success,” Kevin Dutton explains that there are jobs that can attract literal psychopaths – and also jobs that are least likely to do so.
It’s important to note that a psychopathic person isn’t necessarily one that is set out to kill others (even though you might feel as such on a Wednesday afternoon in the office.) In reality, psychopaths merely – and typically – just lack emotions and empathy, or the ability to identify with others. Dutton has said that ”a number of psychopathic attributes [are] actually more common in business leaders than in so-called disturbed criminals — attributes such as superficial charm, egocentricity, persuasiveness, lack of empathy, independence, and focus.”
This may explain why many of the jobs attractive to psychopaths – such as CEO’s, salespeople and media types – are often found in the tech industry.
So what jobs are most attractive to psychopaths? Here’s the list, originally published online by Eric Barker:
1. CEO
2. Lawyer
3. Media (Television/Radio)
4. Salesperson
5. Surgeon
6. Journalist
7. Police officer
8. Clergy person
9. Chef
10. Civil servant
And for those looking to potentially avoid working with the least number of psychopaths, here’s the list of occupations with the lowest rates of psychopathy:
1. Care aide
2. Nurse
3. Therapist
4. Craftsperson
5. Beautician/Stylist
6. Charity worker
7. Teacher
8. Creative artist
9. Doctor
10. Accountant
"
FROM - http://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyclay/2013/01/05/the-top-10-jobs-that-attract-psychopaths/
"
Everyone I have ever worked with has, at some point, called another colleague or coworker “crazy.” But does your job actually attract true psychopaths? In the book “The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success,” Kevin Dutton explains that there are jobs that can attract literal psychopaths – and also jobs that are least likely to do so.
It’s important to note that a psychopathic person isn’t necessarily one that is set out to kill others (even though you might feel as such on a Wednesday afternoon in the office.) In reality, psychopaths merely – and typically – just lack emotions and empathy, or the ability to identify with others. Dutton has said that ”a number of psychopathic attributes [are] actually more common in business leaders than in so-called disturbed criminals — attributes such as superficial charm, egocentricity, persuasiveness, lack of empathy, independence, and focus.”
This may explain why many of the jobs attractive to psychopaths – such as CEO’s, salespeople and media types – are often found in the tech industry.
So what jobs are most attractive to psychopaths? Here’s the list, originally published online by Eric Barker:
1. CEO
2. Lawyer
3. Media (Television/Radio)
4. Salesperson
5. Surgeon
6. Journalist
7. Police officer
8. Clergy person
9. Chef
10. Civil servant
And for those looking to potentially avoid working with the least number of psychopaths, here’s the list of occupations with the lowest rates of psychopathy:
1. Care aide
2. Nurse
3. Therapist
4. Craftsperson
5. Beautician/Stylist
6. Charity worker
7. Teacher
8. Creative artist
9. Doctor
10. Accountant
"