Yes!

I have been jealous in the past, and totally empathize with people who are sad or lonely in their marriages. It is way less lonely to sit on a couch alone every night, than it is to sit next to someone on the same couch that is totally disconnected from you. I'd rather just enjoy the solitude of being alone than trying to connect with someone a million miles away.

I got engaged, started planning my wedding, then started to have reservations. Then I found out I was pregnant.

We decided to go through with the pregnancy, moved our wedding way up, and started our "life". Everything felt like it was on hyperdrive, and I was constantly mentally trying to S-L-O-W it all down, felt so overwhelmed, and was miserable for a long time in my marriage. Honestly, if it hadn't been for my DC, I would have walked my ass out the door without a backward glanceX10 everyday of our first 2 years of marriage. For the next 3 or so, I cannot say that I ever felt close to my DH or happy with my marriage. We still are so different in many ways. None of our issues stemmed from violent behavior, substance abuse, or emotional cruelty (those are true deal breakers and should be for everyone). But we were like angry, resentful ships in the night, and I thought we could never be happy. I was truly in a miserable, loveless, sexless (I'm talking at least a year between sex at times) marriage.

But i can truly say that i am very happy and fulfilled in my marriage today. We actually decided to have another DC after 6 years together, which most of the beginning of our marriage I would have bet was an impossibility. My DH makes me laugh everyday, I am happy to be his wife now, and I seriously love having our family. That doesn't mean he doesn't annoy the crap out of me at times too, but if we were able to weather the initial handful of years, I kind of feel like the rest becomes easier. I don't recommend this for everyone or anyone, because who knows what will happen. I only say all this to offer hope to people that still want to find love with their spouse (which I had almost zero interest in most of the time).

So what's my point? It's that I think it's rare for anyone to have a fully happy marriage from day one to the end. Everyone hits hideous rough patches. And you can truly find happiness in marriages that have been horribly unhappy at times.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are happily married. We have our arguments and disagreements - and they are the same silly ones that we have always had. eg - DH hates how I load the dishwasher...I hate how he folds clothes. Apart from that, we have each others back. We are aware of our own faults as much as each other's faults - and we have made our peace with it.

Most of my friends are happily married - actually, all my friends are happily married. 3 of my GFs are divorced and single. 1 married a man 20 years her senior and they live in separate countries, but are not divorced.

My DH has two friends (from work) who are divorced.

^^ Married 23 years.

DH and I are happily married. We have our arguments and disagreements - and they are the same silly ones that we have always had. eg - DH hates how I load the dishwasher...I hate how he folds clothes. Apart from that, we have each others back. We are aware of our own faults as much as each other's faults - and we have made our peace with it.

Most of my friends are happily married - actually, all my friends are happily married. 3 of my GFs are divorced and single. 1 married a man 20 years her senior and they live in separate countries, but are not divorced.

My DH has two friends (from work) who are divorced.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

We have a young toddler and I'm happier now than prebaby. We just went to the LEGO movie and went out three times the padt month. I enjoy spending time with dh. I don't know why I'd dislike my spouse more post baby. On the contrary I'm impressed with how great a dad he is and he says he's impressed at how patient and caring a mom I am.

Not envious, exactly, but I wonder what it's like.

I don't think there is a honeymoon phase to relationships, but rather that it ebbs and flows. There will be hard years, but there will always be bliss years too. You never know when yours will get better. Many people said teenage years were the hardest and others say infancy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married, no pretending here. I consider myself truly, truly lucky. Eight years now.

same here, but 5 years.

Your reply made me think.

We were very happily married at 5 years. Now at 14 things are sort of a different story. We're both highly committed to the relationship but I wouldn't say we're happy most of the time. Somewhere between about 8 and 12 things got HARD.
I'm not saying this will happen to you but I do think you're still in the honeymoon phases of the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

I think it is more about being overwhelmed with the "work" of childrearing and marriage during this time period and folks take it out on each other and see it as a problem with the other person as opposed to a problem with the workload. it's a matter of perspective.

I'm unhappily married because my husband has a lower sex drive and lets me do the bulk of the childrearing and housework, though we both work full time. How does one just accept these things and go on to be happily married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

Seems like that's the case on DCUM, but we have a 2.5yo and a 9mo, and we're sort of besotted with each other. I love my little guys, but my favorite thing in the world is curling up next to him to chat and watch tv after they've gone to bed. He honestly makes me a better person; I hope I do the same.

Same here, we have a 5 year old and a three year old and even when are sometimes over-exhausted and arguing, parenting with him is so much fun.

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

Seems like that's the case on DCUM, but we have a 2.5yo and a 9mo, and we're sort of besotted with each other. I love my little guys, but my favorite thing in the world is curling up next to him to chat and watch tv after they've gone to bed. He honestly makes me a better person; I hope I do the same.

Yes. I look at all the married people I know and don't understand why it didn't work for me.

Do you think it's true that when a couple has young children, they dislike each other most (or a lot) of the time? Anecdotally, it seems like this is the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am unbelievably happily married. No pretending here either! In fact I think I downplay our happiness since all my friends aren't so happily married. No one wants to be the downer at happy hour when all their friends are whining about their lazy husbands!

I thank my lucky stars daily that my DH is amazing and such a hard worker, cleaner, cook, etc.

This is why I hate being among women who make a habit out of tearing down their husbands. And we're all expected to participate like it's just what women do.

My DH rocks.

I'm glad your dh is wonderful, but some women aren't as fortunate as you are. It's not that women enjoy tearing down their husbands, but sometimes a good outlet for frustration and a sympathetic ear is necessary to maintain one's sanity.

I am not the pp to whom you are responding, but you do realize there is a difference between a wife sharing her marriage problems to a friend and constantly criticizing, "tearing down", and belittling her husband on a constant basis. And yes, some women do the latter (as do some husbands) and then wonder why their marriage is not working. Generally, I find that people who do this lack a lot of self-awareness and are more interested in making their partner "wrong" instead of trying to see their own part in a problem and seeking out real solutions, which usually involve compromise.
And I am happily, but not perfectly, married -- 11 yrs soon.