OP here. I should clarify, we ask DH what she would like for breakfast, lunch and dinner. My parents were old school and didn't give us options and my mom would say that is the root of our problem. Either as a parent you are controlling if you don't give options but then you get your kid is picky because you do give them options. So when she throws out yogurt, it is something that she said that she wanted for lunch and has picked no other option for lunch when we asked if she wants anything else. We have tried cooking, having her help plan meals, making things she says she likes as one of every dinner option etc. We are fairly liberal with snacks with 10am snack, 3pm snack, and dessert on the weekends. Our only restrictions have been not having so much or too close to a meal, which I think is reasonable and dessert once you finish dinner. Some of the snacks, like goldfish, are within easy reach. Other things are in a higher cabinet.

I think the bottom line is my dd isn't going to choose something healthy when there are so many unhealthy things to choose from. How many people really choose the fresh fruit for dessert and feel it taste just as good as a piece of chocolate cake? We just need to structure things so she has some control but we can live with her choices and feel she is still getting the nutrients she needs.

Anonymous wrote:I think she needs to feel more in control and less scrutinized. I wonder if you gave her more access to treats instead of less then she wouldn't feel the need to hide it and would feel more relaxed about eating in general. Try it for awhile and then slowly get the junk food out and the healthy food in.

I agree with the above. A friend of mine who had recovered from an eating disorder told me that part of her problem was about control. She needed to feel she had control over something in her life and food was the area she felt she could make her stand on. Maybe if the child felt that she could have a snack whenever she wanted, she wouldn't want snacks quite so frequently?
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So many PPs are crazy controlling. No wonder so many kids have eating disorders. Everything in moderation. Food should be a pleasure.