Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.

Holy shit, I would have run away from home if you were my mom.

Thank you for the feedback. That is concerning to me, as it is not at all the atmosphere I want, so I might have to reevaluate what I’m doing here. Could I ask you for your thoughts and advice?

I don’t have teens yet (there’s a typo in my post and ‘teen’ should have read ‘tween boy’s room’, so maybe expectations change as you get older and this will no longer be appropriate soon, or maybe my use of the phrase “room inspection” caused you to think this is far more than what I mean it as. I don’t ever search their things, but I do spend somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty seconds to a minute glancing in the room to make sure the kids’ chores are done and there’s no food in there. I rarely have any problems that I deem significant enough to have them even go upstairs and redo part of the room that isn't tidy; I basically just want to see some semblance of order in there to show that they respect their stuff and to foster good organizational habits for as they get older.

I am honestly interested in your thoughts as to whether and why this is overbearing. I wouldn't want to ruin my relationship with my kids for anything, so even if I firmly believe that an orderly room/house helps lead to an orderly mind and a more peaceful life I would be willing to reconsider checking on their rooms each week if it is truly going to cause a huge problem.

If you don’t take a look in their rooms on a somewhat regular basis, how do you (or do you) verify that chores are being completed such as tidying up their space, vacuuming, and getting rid of the trash? Is this partial list of chores no longer appropriate for tween or teen aged kids, or should I simply be able to trust by now that they will do what they are expected to without me checking up on them?

Thanks in advance to anyone who shares their advice, I appreciate btdt wisdom.

16:45 here. Honestly, that one little "w" makes a lot of difference. Tweens are still at an age where you need to stay on top of them a little, and poking your head into their rooms for a quick look-see to make sure they haven't descended into squalor is perfectly appropriate, even into the teen years.

That said, your OP did come across as a *little* overbearing - it brought images to mind of a military-style inspection, with the kids lined up at attention ready to present their hands for a fingernail check.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.

Holy shit, I would have run away from home if you were my mom.

Thank you for the feedback. That is concerning to me, as it is not at all the atmosphere I want, so I might have to reevaluate what I’m doing here. Could I ask you for your thoughts and advice?

I don’t have teens yet (there’s a typo in my post and ‘teen’ should have read ‘tween boy’s room’, so maybe expectations change as you get older and this will no longer be appropriate soon, or maybe my use of the phrase “room inspection” caused you to think this is far more than what I mean it as. I don’t ever search their things, but I do spend somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty seconds to a minute glancing in the room to make sure the kids’ chores are done and there’s no food in there. I rarely have any problems that I deem significant enough to have them even go upstairs and redo part of the room that isn't tidy; I basically just want to see some semblance of order in there to show that they respect their stuff and to foster good organizational habits for as they get older.

I am honestly interested in your thoughts as to whether and why this is overbearing. I wouldn't want to ruin my relationship with my kids for anything, so even if I firmly believe that an orderly room/house helps lead to an orderly mind and a more peaceful life I would be willing to reconsider checking on their rooms each week if it is truly going to cause a huge problem.

If you don’t take a look in their rooms on a somewhat regular basis, how do you (or do you) verify that chores are being completed such as tidying up their space, vacuuming, and getting rid of the trash? Is this partial list of chores no longer appropriate for tween or teen aged kids, or should I simply be able to trust by now that they will do what they are expected to without me checking up on them?

Thanks in advance to anyone who shares their advice, I appreciate btdt wisdom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.

Holy shit, I would have run away from home if you were my mom.

Anonymous wrote:And you are wrong to state pot is not gateway drug. It can be. It was for my brother. You are out of line to say it cant or didnt happen. It did and it destroyed my family.

Anonymous wrote:And you are wrong to state pot is not gateway drug. It can be. It was for my brother. You are out of line to say it cant or didnt happen. It did and it destroyed my family.

Anonymous wrote:Pot is an indirect gateway drug. Very few people who use other drugs didn't use pot first. Not smoking pot greatly reduces the risk that one will use other drugs. However many use pot and don't go on to harder drugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also search other siblings rooms. My brother used to hide his drugs in my room after getting caught. Pot can be a gateway drug. My brother is a recovering addict. Second the suggestion to read Beautiful Boy, also the related book written by the son. I cant recall the name.

Pot is a Gateway Drug only because it is distributed by drug dealers who have an incentive to sell their customers addictive drugs.

Um, no. Pot dealers are pot dealers. True gateway drugs do exist now, mostly oxy and pain pills that adults are prescribed and kids often steal. After the adults and/or kids are addicted to the pills, oxy is more expensive and tougher to find now than heroin. So many pill addicts turn to heroin. But let's not continue the myth that pot is a gateway drug. It is much more powerful now than back in the 70s thru 90s but still less dangerous than alcohol.

And no, I don't smoke weed.

16:49 here. I think we're on the same page, but you put it a lot better than I did.

And me neither, though if it were legalized I'd probably give it a try for old times' sake.

Anonymous wrote:16:49 here. I think we're on the same page, but you put it a lot better than I did.

And me neither, though if it were legalized I'd probably give it a try for old times' sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also search other siblings rooms. My brother used to hide his drugs in my room after getting caught. Pot can be a gateway drug. My brother is a recovering addict. Second the suggestion to read Beautiful Boy, also the related book written by the son. I cant recall the name.

Pot is a Gateway Drug only because it is distributed by drug dealers who have an incentive to sell their customers addictive drugs.

Um, no. Pot dealers are pot dealers. True gateway drugs do exist now, mostly oxy and pain pills that adults are prescribed and kids often steal. After the adults and/or kids are addicted to the pills, oxy is more expensive and tougher to find now than heroin. So many pill addicts turn to heroin. But let's not continue the myth that pot is a gateway drug. It is much more powerful now than back in the 70s thru 90s but still less dangerous than alcohol.

And no, I don't smoke weed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also search other siblings rooms. My brother used to hide his drugs in my room after getting caught. Pot can be a gateway drug. My brother is a recovering addict. Second the suggestion to read Beautiful Boy, also the related book written by the son. I cant recall the name.

Pot is a Gateway Drug only because it is distributed by drug dealers who have an incentive to sell their customers addictive drugs.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, horrible parenting advice given on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Also search other siblings rooms. My brother used to hide his drugs in my room after getting caught. Pot can be a gateway drug. My brother is a recovering addict. Second the suggestion to read Beautiful Boy, also the related book written by the son. I cant recall the name.

Anonymous wrote:Room inspections are an at least weekly, sometimes daily if needed, thing at my house.