Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like your husband's job isn't worth it. He works too much to be around at all, but doesn't make enough to make your family life reasonably sane. It will get better when the kids are in school, but I don't think I'd have much left in me by then.

House cleaners are around $100 a visit. Find the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar position. How old are your kids? My youngest is now 8 and life is good.

To answer your question, my workaholic, high earning DH does very little around the house. He is good about plugging into family activities and sports driving on the weekends. When I have a bad evening (I need to be two places at once), he will arrange to work from home so he can get everyone where they need to be in the after school/evening hours. He cleans our two cars and does some yard work on the weekends and occasionally folds laundry and does dishes (but only if I prompt on the last two).

I definitely remember being resentful when my kids were younger. Now, with them both in school, I just try to make sure I can rejuvenate during the week because the weekends are actually more work for me) I have really had to shift my thinking to realize that my "me time" is while the kids are in school and the weekends I spend supporting the rest of the team. A lot of this is about expectations. If you are able to get enough "you time" when your DH is not home, you don't resent unloading the dishwasher while he reads the newspaper on the weekend.

I am sure I am going to get flamed for being a "traditional wife" but I will say this. I've been married almost 20 years. My DH is not going to change and suddenly work less and do more dishes. He and I have to work together to make sure we both live a satisfying life. For me, that doesn't mean fighting with him to become a great multi-tasker when he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I love him and our family works well. There are many types of partnerships. You just have to find the one that works for u.

I could have written this, right down to the married almost 20 years. Part of the reason I am at home is to make sure everyone gets some downtown. My husband, me, and our children who work really hard in school, especially our high schooler. I also resented the work hours when my kids were smaller and especially when I was working full time as well. If you are going this route (high income but hard working spouse) I think that the most important thing is that the spouse who is working connect with the kids (and with you). The rest of it can be hired out if necessary.

Anonymous wrote:My executive husband could afford the cleaner, and babysitters. Later, when he made more money, he could afford to treat his "girlfriends" to new cars. Recently he was able to afford a divorce. Not sure that he can afford much now as he has pissed most of it all away.

Anonymous wrote:My DH travels a lot. But when he is home, he is home. He does everything from shuttle the kids around, laundry, cleans floors, dog duty, grocery shop. Whatever needs to be done. I think we both feel we are just "on" 24/7 no matter what. We can both be lazy too sometimes and just let the house go until we can't stand it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:When he is home, he jumps right in and helps with whatever needs doing. We have landscapers twice a year and get the house deep-cleaned twice a year. Other than that it's all us. He will walk in from a four day trip and promptly throw a loaf of laundry in before changing out of his suit with one or two of the kids chattering to him about what he's missed. He does his decompressing on the way home.