Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about SIL hires a babysitter? Why do you and your family members only rely on each other for babysitting?

Anyway, I would be livid if I were you. Your husband should have discussed babysitting his sister's kids with you before accepting.

Family members relying on each other for babysitting is not the problem - I am more than happy to babysit my nieces and nephews.

The problem is obligating your partner for something. I don't accept social invitations - even dinner at my parents' house - without running it by DH first. He extends the same courtesy for me. Unless there's a direct conflict, we always say yes...but it is just disrespectful to commit someone else to something.

And of course, the problem of DH speaking about you in such a negative manner - DH and I bicker like anyone else but we're a united front to anyone else. Even if my mom complained about something that also bothered me about DH, I'd never engage her.

Anonymous wrote:How about SIL hires a babysitter? Why do you and your family members only rely on each other for babysitting?

Anyway, I would be livid if I were you. Your husband should have discussed babysitting his sister's kids with you before accepting.

Family members relying on each other for babysitting is not the problem - I am more than happy to babysit my nieces and nephews.

The problem is obligating your partner for something. I don't accept social invitations - even dinner at my parents' house - without running it by DH first. He extends the same courtesy for me. Unless there's a direct conflict, we always say yes...but it is just disrespectful to commit someone else to something.

I would have left him with the kids and gone out as I had planned.

I tell my DH if my parents are going to watch the kids because this means we get to have sex. He would NEVER do anything to disrupt that date. (If he did, then we would be headed for divorce!)

If he wants to do something, he asks me if we already have plans for that particular date. If we don't, he goes ahead and makes the arrangement for himself.

The key is communication. DH doesn't realize that you had to arrange for care for your kids. Maybe next time, he's in charge of arranging for a sitter.

You need to schedule a date night and stick with it. If he is unwilling, then your marriage is in trouble. Seek counseling before a lawyer. You can't make him change, he has to want to change. And BOTH of you need to put your marriage (and each other) first. That's the key to a successful marriage. (Been married 9 years.)

I'd cheerfully strangle the hubby wth is he talking about 'managing' you and giving you 'options'? The two of you should check w/one another before agreeing to babysitting arrangements.

OP again...just found out that the inlaws were free tonight and available to babysit...that makes me even more mad that SIL didn't go to them! I don't understand why it was made out to be a situation where they had no one else that could watch their kids....and again, why is their night out a higher priority than mine?

Anyway, I'm very tired as I barely slept last night. I'm going to have a few glasses of wine and call it an early night. H asked me what I was cooking for dinner. I laughed and said he could order pizza.

I'm sorry, OP, but you do seem to be overreacting to this particular situation. That said, if this is a pattern with your H and his family, you need to address that with him, perhaps in counseling. He is your problem. Maybe your SIL is not a favorite person of yours, but you are putting too much blame on her in this situation. Why be mad at her that your inlaws are free to babysit? Not her fault. You don't know why she didn't ask them. You also said that your SIL offered to not have you sit once you had an issue with it. She offered to handle her fundraiser herself. It's your husband who is making problems for you.

As for why her night out is a higher priority than yours...well, it isn't. But the issue is that your husband thinks it is. Obviously, if you didn't already have an issue with him, you would not have a problem moving a date night for your SIL's fundraiser.

You have a lot of anger but it is directed at the wrong person. Stop looking at your SIL and deal with your husband and the issues in your marriage.