Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fits all of the above. I don't want to get into detail. We have two beautiful and smart daughters 6 and under. I often think of divorce, and I know nobody deserves this kind of life, but I can't imagine our daughters growing up in a broken family, can't imagine giving up on it, somewhat I still find enough in me to try, try, try. We've tried counseling and it helped while it lasted, though our work schedules make it impossible to schedule. The sessions were so sporadic. DH also stopped his individual therapy and dropped antidepressants, just because he wasn't disciplined. I married him, cause I was in love, in Catholic Church. I watched my parents 35 year marriage very tumultuous at times survive very rough patches. I somewhat believe I need to keep pulling through as well. Any words of wisdom and encouragement?

Yes I can see how it'd be much more horrific to have your daughters growing up in a broken family than occasionally witness mommy suffer a broken arm or neck
I can see how it'd be much more horrific to have your daughters growing up in a broken family than watch their mother abused continually and ultimately suffer a broken spirit.
C'mon lady wake up.

Anonymous wrote:Fits all of the above. I don't want to get into detail. We have two beautiful and smart daughters 6 and under. I often think of divorce, and I know nobody deserves this kind of life, but I can't imagine our daughters growing up in a broken family, can't imagine giving up on it, somewhat I still find enough in me to try, try, try. We've tried counseling and it helped while it lasted, though our work schedules make it impossible to schedule. The sessions were so sporadic. DH also stopped his individual therapy and dropped antidepressants, just because he wasn't disciplined. I married him, cause I was in love, in Catholic Church. I watched my parents 35 year marriage very tumultuous at times survive very rough patches. I somewhat believe I need to keep pulling through as well. Any words of wisdom and encouragement?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 20:26 and 20:33 are insightful. He is kind of a man that would battle me for the girls. He does have a strong emotional connection to them, especially one. To PP, I really appreciate your input criticism and advice. I am a strong person, I am well put together, educated and I am confident I could build a new happy relationship. It is my marriage that I do not want to give up on just yet. I guess I realize now that I was also looking for comments from those who have stayed and ended up working things through. When things are well, I do love spending time with my husband, I do like him, I do care about him. He's always apologized for being mean, etc, and especially when the girls witnessed anything he made sure to let them know he was wrong and that this behavior was not acceptable.

I see that most times he is trying, remembers birthdays, anniversaries etc, helps out, does nice things for me. It's the times he can't control his impulsiveness and just blurted out in anger making me feel very sad, hurt and disrespected.

so then it's an anger management problem? antidepressants wouldn't have solved that. he just needs anger management.

This is horrible!!! Your poor girls.

Remembering birthdays and anniversaries??? Is that really important to you compared to him being verbally abusive to you in front of your children?

So says the bored divorce attorney.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the DV survivor.

Emotional abuse I and other survivors have described include;

Limiting access to financial resources
Forcing us to pay expenses as a lower earner
Forbidding the consumption of certain foods
Requiring us to dress or look a certain way
Harassment about the cleanliness of the home (but does not clean)
When caught in a lie, blame the other person
Losing a job or major life change without notifying
Controlling who you are allowed to associate with
Talking to those people badly behind your back

I don't think I've ever seen it written out like that. Gosh that's horrible. I'm glad you have been able to get yourself out of that situation PP.

I have gotten out, thank you PP. It took physical violence to wake me up and counseling to realize this list. Meeting other survivors made me realize our lists were almost exactly the same.

so then it's an anger management problem? antidepressants wouldn't have solved that. he just needs anger management.

Anonymous wrote:Fits all of the above. I don't want to get into detail. We have two beautiful and smart daughters 6 and under. I often think of divorce, and I know nobody deserves this kind of life, but I can't imagine our daughters growing up in a broken family, can't imagine giving up on it, somewhat I still find enough in me to try, try, try. We've tried counseling and it helped while it lasted, though our work schedules make it impossible to schedule. The sessions were so sporadic. DH also stopped his individual therapy and dropped antidepressants, just because he wasn't disciplined. I married him, cause I was in love, in Catholic Church. I watched my parents 35 year marriage very tumultuous at times survive very rough patches. I somewhat believe I need to keep pulling through as well. Any words of wisdom and encouragement?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 20:26 and 20:33 are insightful. He is kind of a man that would battle me for the girls. He does have a strong emotional connection to them, especially one. To PP, I really appreciate your input criticism and advice. I am a strong person, I am well put together, educated and I am confident I could build a new happy relationship. It is my marriage that I do not want to give up on just yet. I guess I realize now that I was also looking for comments from those who have stayed and ended up working things through. When things are well, I do love spending time with my husband, I do like him, I do care about him. He's always apologized for being mean, etc, and especially when the girls witnessed anything he made sure to let them know he was wrong and that this behavior was not acceptable.

I see that most times he is trying, remembers birthdays, anniversaries etc, helps out, does nice things for me. It's the times he can't control his impulsiveness and just blurted out in anger making me feel very sad, hurt and disrespected.

so then it's an anger management problem? antidepressants wouldn't have solved that. he just needs anger management.

This is horrible!!! Your poor girls.

Remembering birthdays and anniversaries??? Is that really important to you compared to him being verbally abusive to you in front of your children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 20:26 and 20:33 are insightful. He is kind of a man that would battle me for the girls. He does have a strong emotional connection to them, especially one. To PP, I really appreciate your input criticism and advice. I am a strong person, I am well put together, educated and I am confident I could build a new happy relationship. It is my marriage that I do not want to give up on just yet. I guess I realize now that I was also looking for comments from those who have stayed and ended up working things through. When things are well, I do love spending time with my husband, I do like him, I do care about him. He's always apologized for being mean, etc, and especially when the girls witnessed anything he made sure to let them know he was wrong and that this behavior was not acceptable.

I see that most times he is trying, remembers birthdays, anniversaries etc, helps out, does nice things for me. It's the times he can't control his impulsiveness and just blurted out in anger making me feel very sad, hurt and disrespected.

so then it's an anger management problem? antidepressants wouldn't have solved that. he just needs anger management.

Anonymous wrote:OP. To 21.36. I mentioned what I was asking for. I guess you skimmed through and didn't have patience to read, which is ok. Posting on an anonymous forum gives me a chance to see and compare what others think, gain distance or reassurance in what I think. It also gives me a chance to vent.

I know most of you posting here do not have perfect marriages, there are some that have infidelity, some that have financial issues, some that have sickness, infertility, etc. there are ones that would leave a spouse for any of those reasons, and some of them choose to go through and fight. For right now I do realize that my DH is abusive but I choose to fight. Yes, I do realize that I may not be sparing my children and shielding them from everything, but it's hard to believe it's even possible to shield your children from everything anyway.

It easy to jump and say leave, divorce, but what about the aftermath? What about the feelings you still have? Custody battle?

Anonymous wrote:What is the ultimatum that you suggest here?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 20:26 and 20:33 are insightful. He is kind of a man that would battle me for the girls. He does have a strong emotional connection to them, especially one. To PP, I really appreciate your input criticism and advice. I am a strong person, I am well put together, educated and I am confident I could build a new happy relationship. It is my marriage that I do not want to give up on just yet. I guess I realize now that I was also looking for comments from those who have stayed and ended up working things through. When things are well, I do love spending time with my husband, I do like him, I do care about him. He's always apologized for being mean, etc, and especially when the girls witnessed anything he made sure to let them know he was wrong and that this behavior was not acceptable.

I see that most times he is trying, remembers birthdays, anniversaries etc, helps out, does nice things for me. It's the times he can't control his impulsiveness and just blurted out in anger making me feel very sad, hurt and disrespected.