Anonymous wrote:My father died 7 years ago. My family (DH, two small kids, dog) moved in with my 80 yo mother when we moved back to the area three years ago, and it has been amazing. My kids are super close to their granny, she has adult company, DH and I have third parent, we all kind of enrich each other's social lives by bringing different friends into the mix. Really, really great. I'm always surprised that more people don't have their parents move in with them, or vice versa, particularly when there's just one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Living it out now. To my parents' credit, they bought a long term care insurance 20 years ago when they were in their early 60s.

My dad was diagnosed with a dementia ten years ago and has been in a progressive decline that required multiple hospitalizations and now a long term care facility where he's been for a year.

My mother is living alone, by choice, back at their home and is able to do so precisely because their long term care insurance is comprehensive enough that she can easily and comfortably live there. They also met with a financial planner and an attorney and made detailed funeral/burial plans, guardianship, medical directives, financial arrangements, basically all the preplanning a person could do.

My ILs have zero plans, not even a will. I predict a giant mess and long ago told my DH that we will never have our parents live with us.

My parents had a rock solid long term plan- but really when it came time to use it, it covered very little in the way of 24 hour home care and almost nothing in a facility at the end. Q: what is it covering for your Dad now and how much out of pocket now that he is in a facility?

I was unsuccessful in getting them to consider a continual care type setting when they were older but fairly healthy. I still think that is the best plan- and many of these places are wonderful. When my father did need to go to a facility for round the clock care and dementia- it was 13K a month. Who has that kind of $$? They did--but it would not have lasted that long. He died within a few months of entering.

My mother did. For years she lived on Social Security and a small ($500/mo) pension, not touching the savings she accumulated as a secretary. (She did not go to college and did not work until I was 13yo. She was not a rich woman by any means.) By then, the principal was about $1.2M and we used the income and some of the principal to pay for her assisted living community, which was about $10k/month. She lived for another ~4 years and still left something to her kids.

Save, save, save.

Oh man. I mean, that is great she had the money for that . . . but . . geez, sounds like she sure didn't live/enjoy much when she was healthy! So tricky - how to strike a balance? I mean, that 13K/month care when you have dementia is really not a very good $$/happy times ratio. I'd rather be dead! Key is how to know when to check out . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Living it out now. To my parents' credit, they bought a long term care insurance 20 years ago when they were in their early 60s.

My dad was diagnosed with a dementia ten years ago and has been in a progressive decline that required multiple hospitalizations and now a long term care facility where he's been for a year.

My mother is living alone, by choice, back at their home and is able to do so precisely because their long term care insurance is comprehensive enough that she can easily and comfortably live there. They also met with a financial planner and an attorney and made detailed funeral/burial plans, guardianship, medical directives, financial arrangements, basically all the preplanning a person could do.

My ILs have zero plans, not even a will. I predict a giant mess and long ago told my DH that we will never have our parents live with us.

My parents had a rock solid long term plan- but really when it came time to use it, it covered very little in the way of 24 hour home care and almost nothing in a facility at the end. Q: what is it covering for your Dad now and how much out of pocket now that he is in a facility?

I was unsuccessful in getting them to consider a continual care type setting when they were older but fairly healthy. I still think that is the best plan- and many of these places are wonderful. When my father did need to go to a facility for round the clock care and dementia- it was 13K a month. Who has that kind of $$? They did--but it would not have lasted that long. He died within a few months of entering.

My mother did. For years she lived on Social Security and a small ($500/mo) pension, not touching the savings she accumulated as a secretary. (She did not go to college and did not work until I was 13yo. She was not a rich woman by any means.) By then, the principal was about $1.2M and we used the income and some of the principal to pay for her assisted living community, which was about $10k/month. She lived for another ~4 years and still left something to her kids.

Save, save, save.

Anonymous wrote: I wonder if a live in Home Health Aide would be cheaper - free room/board in exchange for care + stipend. Not sure how that would work..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have long-term care insurance so that should take care of a lot of the day to day stuff. All of my siblings are located near my parents so I'd probably make myself available as the on-call sub - fly out once or twice a year for a few weeks to take care of my parents full time and coordinate those weeks with my sibs to give them a break when they need or want it most. Whereas, my siblings would probably have more on-going but part-time duties.

They've arranged their finances responsibly though so I don't anticipate a lot of costs related to late-age care that we'd be responsible for. My ILs though will need financial support and we're planning for that.

I respect and admire those of you who provide for your parents financially in their old age.

How do you do it?

In our current situation, DH and I could not do this without compromising our own retirement, or our kids' college funds, or both. Moreover, DH is partially disabled and we are doing what we can to plan for his long-term needs.

How do people do this without compromising their own needs (and thus passing this problem along to their children)?