Anonymous wrote:Yes another 1st world problem.

DH spent several thousand on a birthday gift for me. While the gift is lovely, there are many things much cheaper that I would have liked just as much (or more) frankly. We've been working hard to increase retirement savings, savings for a trip to that we want to take, and savings for our (eventual) "upgrade" house that would accommodate our growing family.

I can't help but feel frustrated (and admittedly) angry that he did this. Mostly because the jewelry cannot be simply taken back (ie local return), but we must spend several hundred in restocking fees and insured shipping to send it back. So at the end of the day, I feel guilty for keeping the gift as it keeps our family from achieving our mutually decided upon financial goals. I feel angry that sending it back involves several errands/chores for me (3 to be exact). And I feel overwhelmingly frustrated that he didn't ask me but made a unilateral decision to spend a lot of the family's money on this. If he had just asked me, we could have found something MUCH less expensive that would have been just as nice. I get that birthday presents are supposed to be a surprise, but this seems like a ridiculous price to pay for the surprise factor.

FWIW, DH out earns me significantly. We live comfortably with zero debt and it's not like he charged it to a credit card. However we have a ways to go to be able to provide the lifestyle we want for our children and ourselves. We have always prioritized saving first, buying on sale/used, making big purchases ($200+) a family decision, etc. So this was very out of character, but I know his heart was in a good place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

Yes I did. I still don't think OP needs therapy over this specific issue. I feel exactly the same way and didn't have a wasteful parent.

Anonymous wrote:While a lot of money, $3000 is not enough to make a stink about and possibly spoil the whole experience for your DH. If he doesn't do this often (and your post suggests that this is the first time he's been this extravagant), you need to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

That's not why people are recommending therapy. Did you read the rest of her posts? Associating expensive gifts with her step-mom, who never spent money on her but did on every other member of the family?

You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know where you're coming from OP. Did you happen to grow up poorer than your husband? The reason I ask is I did and it makes me a bit crazy when my DH used to buy me expensive things.

For Christmas, my just graduated college daughter bought me what I thought was a really expensive bath set (the ones you see in beauty salons). I didn't open it because I thought it was too nice. Well, we were just in NYC over the weekend, and I saw that the whole set was only $7.95 even though it looked like $100 set. So, now I can enjoy it.

It might have something to do with subconscious self-worth OP.

Op here. I grew up watching my shopaholic Sah stepmother squander a lot of my fathers money at the mall buying high end products none of us needed (or could really afford, though we all did fine). It was all just very wasteful. There were many many awful fights (and still are!) as a result of this. It ruined many gift giving occasions as they frequently became about what had been spent. None of the spending was on me but rather my half sister and herself. Occasionally my father, but she would buy him things he didn't need or want (cashmere Burberry sweater) with the money that he he worked for but was theirs.

I guess it's all deeper than it appears though I hadn't really thought about it until your post.

Have you told this to your DH in the past?

I agree that you might benefit from therapy. Your husband spoiling you occasionally is an act of love. You associate spending lots of money with being selfish and wasteful, but that is unusual. And frankly, it seems you might not consider yourself worth extravagant gifts.

I get where you are coming from. Really. I am a SAHM. I buy what I consider thoughtful and expensive gifts for my husband. But he buys me outrageously pricey jewelry every Christmas and birthday. It hurts his feelings if my main concern is the price. He thinks that I should wear jewelry that reflects how valued and cherished I am by him. It is not how I was raised, but I have learned to deal with it.

I don't think OP needs therapy, my goodness. I know most who post on here probably don't understand that thousands of dollars on a gift that wasn't wanted or needed is ott but try to have some perspective.

Anonymous wrote:I'd think there's a $1000s item he has his eye on.