Anonymous
Post 02/18/2014 11:42     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's tacky but it is also tacky to bring gifts to a wedding. You should send it via mail. It is rude to out the burden on the couples family and friends to transport gifts home from wedding.


really? I have been to lots of weddings that actually had a gift table set up and someone designated to transport the gifts. it seems they were definitely expecting people bringing gifts to the wedding. many people don't get large packages delivered by mail to their homes so they would have to go pick them up and transport them anyways. I would far rather transport them all at once from one venue then run to the post office 30 times to get 1 gift.



No, etiquette rules are very clear on this and for a good reason. The gifts are supposed to be mailed to the bride's home (or wherever she is) before the wedding so no one at the wedding, especially the bride and groom, have to worry about carting gifts around after. Unfortunately, so many people don't know this rule that a table has to be set up. We even had to hire guard to watch the table and then pre-arrange for someone to take the gifts home by van (big wedding) after. It's a huge pain in the butt which is why you are supposed to mail in advance. The gift is also more appreciated that way. My DH-to-be and I had so much fun opening the gifts as they came in - and writing notes then, in contrast to the pile we had to attack upon returning from the honeymoon.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:57     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a Chinese wedding, and on the "registry" tab of their wedding website it said "we prefer cash, but if you'd like, you may purchase something off our registry."

The link was to an Amazon registry, with only two items on it: gift cards in denominations of $100 or $500.

So…cash, or basically cash, please. Classy.



I thought it was funny and clever. They probably have Amazon Prime as well. So, gift arrives in time, if it gets lost or broken, or does not work out, easy pickup by UPS to return.

I would have done more denominations though between $100 and $500.

Most Chinese people would know not to go to the website. They would give cash in beautiful red envelopes to denote good luck.

By the way, many non-Americans like me, want to gift something beautiful - like a crystal vase, a statue etc. Something commemorative and meaningful. Not toaster ovens.

All the kitchen towels and bath mats and spoons listed on the registry is tacky and make me want to puke. I do not need to know what your toilet seat cover will look like once you are married. Ugh.


Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:48     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:We were invited to a Chinese wedding, and on the "registry" tab of their wedding website it said "we prefer cash, but if you'd like, you may purchase something off our registry."

The link was to an Amazon registry, with only two items on it: gift cards in denominations of $100 or $500.

So…cash, or basically cash, please. Classy.


I think it's funny.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:45     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
We were invited to a Chinese wedding, and on the "registry" tab of their wedding website it said "we prefer cash, but if you'd like, you may purchase something off our registry."

The link was to an Amazon registry, with only two items on it: gift cards in denominations of $100 or $500.

So…cash, or basically cash, please. Classy.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:38     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Another Indian here. Very normal to get invitations with the no boxed gifts line. Doesn't bother me at all, or gift registries. I'd prefer to get something the couple actually wants.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:32     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and this is very usual in our culture. I hate it! So rude. It means, don't bring a gift to this wedding, just a check in an envelope. Awful!

At the same time, I think in India, it's just acceptable etiquette-wise, (we want money not stuff, just telling ya, NBD) so a couple might not mean it to be offensive the way we Americans might take it. However if you are raised in the States you have no excuse for that crap!


I have seen this in Chinese and Korean weddings as well. I see no reason that money should not be given to the couple. How is that different from a gift registry? And what if you are the last person who goes to buy stuff from the registry - you are left with $500 cubist ashtray or 2 hand towels and 5 teaspoons left to buy. I find that tacky.

Here is another cultural thing. If you are an Indian, it is probably your parents who are paying for the entire wedding. A careful note will be made of which guest gave what amount of money. Not only for the purpose of sending thank you cards, but because the very same amount will be given from your parents side when their kids will get married.

Gift giving in Indian culture has much deeper meaning. Give less than what someone gave to you and it becomes common knowledge. There are many etiquette around gift giving. For example, I will take money from some one who is elder to me, but I will not give them a money gift. I will give that to their kids or grand-kids. Money gift is returned, but not to the older generation but the younger one. Married couples will gift to unmarried cousins etc. Unmarried younger siblings can gift to nieces and nephews.

Just saying ...


Yep, this exactly. Folk keep track and return equal or more. And always to the younger generation.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:21     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People who live together for years and then marry, I just don't feel like giving them any gifts. What are they celebrating if they were living together as man and wife anyways?

Go to a courthouse and register your marriage, go on a nice honeymoon/vacation. Seriously, you don't need a party for your wedding and others do not need to go to a party for your wedding.


You hate funerals, too?


People should hate funerals, don't you think? Unless you are an undertaker!

Yeah, I hate funerals, no entertainment...everything is sooo DEAD!
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:15     Subject: Re:s/o "no boxed gift please."
I want to add, that in India I've not seen this written on the invite because it is already common knowledge. It's put on here to inform guests not familiar with the customs that gifts (boxed) are not expected. It's not asking for money. Indian guests will already know to bring an envelope and I doubt they're expecting it from non-Indians.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:12     Subject: Re:s/o "no boxed gift please."
I'm Indian American and this is the standard. We put "no gifts" on our invite. We weren't expecting anything, but it is the tradition to give money. And as the other poster pointed out, you keep track because you always give back the same or more.

It's tacky to the western standard and customs but it is the norm for other cultures. Just as some western traditions/customs can appear tacky to other cultures.

Getting overly upset about these things or sending things in a bottle/book/bag, etc to make the point that you don't like it is petty.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:12     Subject: Re:s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:I would bring something in a bottle. If i had known what married life was like, I would have preferred bottled gifts only .


I like this. If anyone ever asks me what they can bring to a dinner party etc., my reply will be 'Bottled gifts only.' ;p
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 20:07     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:People who live together for years and then marry, I just don't feel like giving them any gifts. What are they celebrating if they were living together as man and wife anyways?

Go to a courthouse and register your marriage, go on a nice honeymoon/vacation. Seriously, you don't need a party for your wedding and others do not need to go to a party for your wedding.


You hate funerals, too?
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 19:49     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
People who live together for years and then marry, I just don't feel like giving them any gifts. What are they celebrating if they were living together as man and wife anyways?

Go to a courthouse and register your marriage, go on a nice honeymoon/vacation. Seriously, you don't need a party for your wedding and others do not need to go to a party for your wedding.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 19:43     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
I found this extremely tacky when I was invited to a wedding like this. I gave them a book. Probably would have given a decent check had they not specified, but ugh, so rude.

I mean, I get it. You invite 300 people, you've lived together for years, you don't need anything (especially x300). But still.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2014 19:34     Subject: s/o "no boxed gift please."
Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and this is very usual in our culture. I hate it! So rude. It means, don't bring a gift to this wedding, just a check in an envelope. Awful!

At the same time, I think in India, it's just acceptable etiquette-wise, (we want money not stuff, just telling ya, NBD) so a couple might not mean it to be offensive the way we Americans might take it. However if you are raised in the States you have no excuse for that crap!


I have seen this in Chinese and Korean weddings as well. I see no reason that money should not be given to the couple. How is that different from a gift registry? And what if you are the last person who goes to buy stuff from the registry - you are left with $500 cubist ashtray or 2 hand towels and 5 teaspoons left to buy. I find that tacky.

Here is another cultural thing. If you are an Indian, it is probably your parents who are paying for the entire wedding. A careful note will be made of which guest gave what amount of money. Not only for the purpose of sending thank you cards, but because the very same amount will be given from your parents side when their kids will get married.

Gift giving in Indian culture has much deeper meaning. Give less than what someone gave to you and it becomes common knowledge. There are many etiquette around gift giving. For example, I will take money from some one who is elder to me, but I will not give them a money gift. I will give that to their kids or grand-kids. Money gift is returned, but not to the older generation but the younger one. Married couples will gift to unmarried cousins etc. Unmarried younger siblings can gift to nieces and nephews.

Just saying ...